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  1. #401
    The Bestest Expat Plan B's Avatar
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  2. #402
    RIP pseudolus's Avatar
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    Here's a great on.

    What's the difference between Covid and a scorned bar girl?

    A scorned bar girl is dangerous to everyone.

  3. #403
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    ^
    Should still get tested if been in contact with either

  4. #404
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  5. #405
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  6. #406
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  7. #407
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    Put a % sign after your age to see how dead you are.


    Isolation Fact: Women who put on weight through the lockdown period are 98% more likely to live longer than their partners who point it out.


    Tell you what, those Coronavirus face masks are incredibly effective. Wore one today and silently mouthed 'F**k you all' and 'I want to die' all the way through a Zoom meeting.


    You think things are bad now? In about 20 years, the country will be run by people who’ve been homeschooled by heavy day drinkers.


    Lovely old couple there on their way to Majorca. He was quite upset & said how he really wished he'd brought his piano with him. I explained that it wouldn't go in the hold and he'd be back soon enough. He said he knew that but he'd left their airline tickets and passports on it.
    A tray full of GOLD is not worth a moment in time.

  8. #408
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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  9. #409
    RIP pseudolus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OhOh View Post
    Put a % sign after your age to see how dead you are.
    that only works if you put a 99.9 in front of it, for ALL age groups. I'm 44. 99.944% survival rate having contracted Covid.

  10. #410
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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  11. #411
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    Not a joke, yes it is, no it isn't...your choice, but going off the rails.



    Electrical goods, clothes, toys and games, books, stationery, homeware including utensils, crockery, furniture, bedding, decorative objectives and other items are classed as non-essential, and may not be sold in Welsh supermarkets (Wales?); where in doubt, retailers are advised to err on the side of caution and not risk breaking the law.

    -----

    "Having queued up (outside Tesco), patiently and socially distancing, as I neared the entrance a shop worker clipped a carabiner onto the belt loop of my jeans, my perplexed expression must have said it all as she explained that whilst people are distancing in the queue outside, they aren't distancing once inside the store. "So what someone has dreamt up is to rope six or so customers together with 2m of rope between each of us! WTAF?!

    -----

    Time to introduce meds to the water system.

  12. #412
    Thailand Expat harrybarracuda's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jabir View Post
    "Having queued up (outside Tesco), patiently and socially distancing, as I neared the entrance a shop worker clipped a carabiner onto the belt loop of my jeans, my perplexed expression must have said it all as she explained that whilst people are distancing in the queue outside, they aren't distancing once inside the store. "So what someone has dreamt up is to rope six or so customers together with 2m of rope between each of us! WTAF?!
    It is invariably the stupid, selfish c u n t s that fuck things up for everyone else.

  13. #413
    Pedantic bastard
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    Quote Originally Posted by jabir View Post

    Not a joke, yes it is, no it isn't...your choice, but going off the rails.
    The logic behind this is that it is not fair to the closed shops that ONLY sell non-essentials (in competition with shops that sell a mix of essential and non-essential).

  14. #414
    Thailand Expat TheRealKW's Avatar
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    That’s not really logic, but cheers.

  15. #415
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    The lack of tourists because of the Covid lockdown is hurting a husband and wife, and they are running out of money, so they decided that the wife should try to prostitution as an extra source of income. The husband drove her out to a popular corner and informed her he would be at the side of the building if she had any questions or problems.

    A gentleman pulled up shortly after and asked her how much to go all the way. She told him to wait a minute and ran around the corner to ask her husband. The husband told her to tell the client Bt1,000.

    She went back and informed the client, at which he cried, “That is too much!”

    He then asked, “How much for a hand job?”

    She asked him to wait a minute and ran to ask her husband how much. The husband said, “Ask for Bt400.”

    The woman ran back and informed the client. He felt that this was an agreeable price and began to remove his pants and underwear. Upon the removal of his clothing the woman noticed that the man was really well hung. She asked him once more to wait a moment, then ran around the corner again.

    Her husband asked, “Now what?”

    The wife replied, “Can I borrow Bt600?”

  16. #416
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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  17. #417
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  18. #418
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  19. #419
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    And the highest paid actors, sports stars, pollies and influencers are next to useless.

  20. #420
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  25. #425
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