Thread: Viz Tips

Is it just me or would Health and Safety go mental about the stairs in Hogwart Castle? - Ross Kennet, email

^^^

Good old Viz... outta greens

Perhaps we should deliberately lose the next World War. That way we won't get knocked out of the World Cup by Germany anymore because we'll be Germany then. It's just an idea. - Rod Curtain, Northampton

^Thai edition?

Fool your girlfriend into thinking she has followed through at night by putting a chocolate drop between her ass checks as she is sleeping.

Old Folks: Stay warm and safe this winter by wrapping yourselves in aluminium foil. Not only will this conserve vital body heat, but it will also make you look a bit like Robocop, thus going some way to deterring would-be burglars. – S, Holmes, York

Skiers: Carry a dog biscuit in your pocket. That way, in the event of an avalanche the rescue dog will find you first. – J Tull, email

To make a pot of supermarket coleslaw go further, simply grate a carrot, some cabbage and an onion into the tub, then add some mayonnaise. SA, Derby

Help to educate kids on how the government works, by taking all their sweets and telling them to fcuk off. – L Fange, Hull

Collect empty cornflake packets in a spare room or attic space. Count them after 5 years and divide by 60. This will give you a rough idea of how many packets you get through in a month. – B Fitzpatrick, Wakefield