Thread: Cigarettes VS Tampons

^ Good one, PAG...Yer smile doesn't fool me...Heh...

Originally Posted by David48atTD

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight," the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?" The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four.

He saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either."

.

555

Made me laugh...

^ Good one Pag. It gave me a fit of giggles.

And of course you know the barmaid is pissed off with you when there's a string hanging out of your Bloody Mary.

Originally Posted by Maanaam

And of course you know the barmaid is pissed off with you when there's a string hanging out of your Bloody Mary.

Heh... LOL

Band-aids are just mini tampons for your fingers.

Heh...I won't get that image out of my mind when next using a band aid...

Hope I don't bleed to death...

OK, now for some serious advice for the ladies......

Sex on your period: to some, NBD, to others, a cautious "No thank you, please." But period sex in general has a lot to recommend it. You're less apt to get pregnant (still need birth control though), it can help relieve cramps, you're more lubed up, and some women report having extra incredible orgasms.

So if you and your partner are willing to give it a go, here's what's gonna work. But first, some helpful reminders: You can always put down a towel or something in case there's a little spotting, and if you're apprehensive to begin with, start on a light flow day.

Let's see if I can get through this without going with my natural impulse to name one of these positions "There Will Be Blood."

DR. EVERYTHING'LL BE ALRIGHT



If you're extra crampy, lie on your side with your knees bent up in the universal "ow, I have fucking cramps" position. Have him kneel on the floor (use pillows if needed for height) and enter you that way and (hopefully) perform his cramp-healing penis magic.

The best thing about this is that you can just kind of lie there and be tended to. Quite frankly, this is how sex should always be.

SAILING THE CRIMSON TIDE



If you want to keep spillage to a minimum, get on your back, sister. (For the record, you're not ever, like, gushing blood. You lose only 4 to 12 teaspoons — not tablespoons — your entire period.) Lie on your back and press your legs together, tilting your hips up to stem the tide. He kneels with his legs on either side of you and sits back on his heels to enter.

Once he's in, he can stay that way pushing forward or lower his upper body onto yours. Either way, with your legs slightly more closed, it'll increase sensation for both of you.

RED TEAM ROCKER



If you're a little squeamish and don't want the full-on biology of Being a Woman in full view, lie on your stomach with your hips propped up on a (towel-covered) pillow with your legs slightly spread. He opens your legs slightly to enter you from behind.

Feel free to rub yourself with your hand, grind against a pillow or pop a bullet vibe between your legs. Sexy yet oddly comforting.

RIDE THE COTTON PONY



Avoid the whole area entirely by going anal. (You can even leave your tampon in if you want. Woooo!) Stick that sexy bum of yours high up in the air, with your head down and a cheek (your face cheek) pressed to the mattress. Loop your arms back behind your knees.

He holds on to your hips and makes his way in, bum-side. (Usual anal rules apply: lube, go slow, and more lube.) He can rub your clit or hold a vibe onto you as he thrusts. Whichever, he should do it because, period.

RAGTOWN RUMBLE



Embrace the hell out of Mother Nature by just reveling in it. Hop aboard — to increase your flow, dammit — and ride the hell out him. Go feral and do as you please.

If some blood leaks out, all the better. Periods are #normal and it's high time he gets the fuck over it.