There was a cucumber, a pickle, and a penis sitting around talking
about how their lives sucked.

The cucumber said, "Man, my life sucks. When I get big, fat, and
juicy, they cut me up and stick me on a salad."

The pickle looks at him and says, "You think you have it bad? When
I get big, fat, and juicy, they stick me in vinegar, put spices on me,
and stick me in a jar."

The penis looks at him and says, "You think you have it rough?
When I get big, fat, and juicy, they stick a rubber tarp on my head,
stick me in a dark room, and bang my head against the wall until I
throw up and pass out!."