Thread: Alerts To Threats In Europe From John Cleese

ALERTS TO THREATS IN EUROPE FROM JOHN CLEESE:

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and Iraq, and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."
Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels.
This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender."
The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled."
So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

Regards,
John Cleese ,
British writer, actor and tall person

And as a final thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.

Yes, it about sums up the shear panic around me, most British are talking about the sunni weather.

Try and stay on topic chaps. The sub-forum name is: Jokes and Funny stuff!

^Are you German?

^ if you zoom out a bit on his avatar, it looks like this:

Originally Posted by Hoops

Try and stay on topic chaps. The sub-forum name is: Jokes and Funny stuff!

Bruno is a funny lad:




I'll close the door on me way out...

I used to go to church every sunday in those things, i was so pleased when they got given to my nephew.

Tiger on loose Paris surrenders ,French government in exile established under a white flag in New Orleans bordello assure business as usual

Paris tiger: Live updates as armed police hunt big cat near Disneyland Paris - Mirror Online

Originally Posted by nora tittoff

And as a final thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.

And tonight Greece went into the abyss

They lost at home in footy qual to ..........................The Faroe Islands

The Sheep Islands

Now that's what I call funny

Shagged by sheeps

John Cleese , can you advise Me on marriage, women, divorce, and how to milk an ageing fan base, because the refugees and illegals don,t buy your shit.