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Thread: Hemorrhoids

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    Thailand Expat Pragmatic's Avatar
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    Hemorrhoids

    If this helps anyone with this most painful of conditions then all well and good.

    Mango Seeds

    You can dry mangoseeds and crush them to make a powder. Patients suffering from burning sensations in their rectum should consume 2 grams of this powder with honey twice a day.
    This is an effective and common home-based solution for hemorrhoids that have been used for hundreds of years. It works primarily because mangoes have natural anti-inflammatory components in the seeds which become functional when they are crushed.

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pragmatic View Post
    Patients suffering from burning sensations in their rectum should stop consuming vindaloo
    FTFY

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    fcuked off SKkin's Avatar
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    ^ or...

    Quote Originally Posted by Maanaam View Post
    Patients suffering from burning sensations in their rectum should stop visiting tomcat

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    April 2018 - Chiang Mai
    Staying at D2 booked in for 10 day’s.

    First night woke up with a really severe pain in my rectum. Had a haemorrhoid about the size of an egg. Decided to get the cream in the morning from local pharmacy. No affect and bloody sore and incapacitating.
    asked the wife to take a look (where’s Tomcat when you need him?) and she just said “hospital now”
    we arrived around 1pm at Chiang Mai Bangkok hospital. Upon being examined by the surgeon he took pics and said “stage 4 haemorrhoid need operation come back at 4pm and I will operate”

    I thought that I was going to get some medication and be sent on my way therefore was surprised to say the least.
    I have had virtually no problems in the past in this department- other than the odd use of cream for a very itchy ass.

    i said I would call the hospital within the hour after I had taken some advice.

    I called my GP who is also a personal friend, and emailed the medical report to him in Oz.
    I was slightly surprised when he said that it was up to me and the hospital would just as good a job as they would in Oz.

    My consideration was that I was going to be in hospital for 2-3 days with a two week recovery all up if no complications.

    i decided to go back to Oz as my GP mate assured me he would have me in the operating theatre the day after landing.

    Insurance - worth noting. I had booked my flight and accommodation for the return trip on my Bankwest Platinum card.
    which has always had free travel insurance. Cut a long story short, no problem they paid for a business class flight for me the next day and paid for an economy flight for my wife. Interesting to note that they we’re not obliged to pay for my wife as she had arrived in LOS 2 weeks prior to me and had not used the platinum card. (I paid for her upgrade to business). They also paid my BKK hospital fees (minimal) this was all arranged on a Saturday Pm within 90 mins.
    Basically costs in Thailand for the op,would have been covered by the insurance and they left it up to me to decide.
    As I have top hospital cover in Oz there would be no out of pocket costs for me either way.

    I arrived in Oz at 7.30am on Monday am and after seeing a colorectal surgeon was booked in the following day for the surgery.

    All good so far - but......I will continue the story later tonight or in the morning, my eyes are still watering thinking of what came next.
    Last edited by Iceman123; 03-09-2018 at 06:42 PM.

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    April 1918 ? You're holding your age quite well, dude.

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    Thailand Expat Dillinger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pragmatic View Post
    Mango Seeds

    You can dry mangoseeds and crush them to make a powder. Patients suffering from burning sensations in their rectum should consume 2 grams of this powder with honey twice a day.
    Orally or anally?

    Asking for a friend

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    Throw some crushed ice in a plastic bag, lie on your tummy and stick the bag down your pants to cover your bum. The relief after 20 minutes should be enough to go for a repeat. Then it's lots of liquid so you stop straining so much...

    I have a bad time, requiring the ice treatment, every couple of years or so. I was offered surgery but I'm too much of a coward.

    I have never used creams, the ice pack works fine for me.

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    Being chased by sloths DJ Pat's Avatar
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    My dad had all this last year. He was using rubber gloves so he could put the piles back in after a shite, scared to go to doctors or hospital.

    He had the elastic band type treatment first they came back. He had surgery, and was ok, then there's the two weeks of careful toilet movements.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Iceman123 View Post
    Had a haemorrhoid about the size of an egg.
    You will get those from sitting on blocks of ice mate.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger View Post
    Orally or anally?

    Asking for a friend
    Both , BUT always in that order Miss Paigon

  11. #11
    Being chased by sloths DJ Pat's Avatar
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    My dad always used to say ''don't sit on a hot radiator in winter, you'll get piles''

    He sat on a hard sofa and ate too much fibre for so long that piles were inevitable.

    Rectal stetching or straining too much causes them too. Gay men suffer a lot too, I was reading.

  12. #12
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    Nothing worse than a bunch of grapes hanging out of ones arsehole.

    Exercise and healthy eating reduce the chance of piles down to zero.

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    i had a bout of piles about 20 years ago, they were treated with something called banding.

    it was done in the doctors office. it was a pants down bent over job and the doc. inserted something that looked like a long plastic machine gun up my jacksie and told me not be alarmed by the noise. then he manipulated the infernal device into position, pulled the trigger and there was an almighty shuddering crack and one plastic band had been snapped over the offending pile. he located the second pile and repeated the procedure.




    it didnt hurt at all, but it was all rather disturbing. the doctor had gone where no man or woman had gone before and i certainly had no wish to repeat the experience.

    after a couple of weeks the piles, having had their blood supply cut off just dropped off. i found what appeared to be a couple of shrivelled raisins in my underpants one day.

    i think icemans huge pile that hangs outside, will need surgery to rid him of it. the big ones cannot be banded. because if the bastards get twisted they become thrombosed and necrotic and can cause nasty problems.

    i was told in order to avoid repetition, to include a lot of fibre in my diet which i have done ever since, sometimes i drink a glass or two of something called fibogel or mucillin, a water retaining gel that bulks up the stools into largish moist perfectly formed cigars that are evacuated the next day with ease, they slip out like otters off a riverbank. all very satisfying and will put a broad smile on the face of the chronically constipated who regularly strain and groan their way into piledom.

    fibogel and mucillin can be bought at any chemist, in thailand a large tub of the stuff, about the size of a pringles tube is around 200b and will provide around 40 to 50 glasses of orange flavoured drink.
    Last edited by taxexile; 04-09-2018 at 01:37 AM.

  14. #14
    Being chased by sloths DJ Pat's Avatar
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    Hemorrhoids-screen-shot-2014-09-26-18-a

    Hopefully the slang isn't too cryptic for the non-Brits
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Hemorrhoids-screen-shot-2014-09-26-18-a  

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    fcuked off SKkin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by taxexile View Post
    after a couple of weeks the piles, having had their blood supply cut off just dropped off.
    A very similar procedure is sometimes used to turn bull calves into steers...

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    ^^ Thanks Pat...I needed that laugh. I love visual humour and I just almost pissed myself.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Pat View Post
    I was reading.
    Yeeersss, "reading"

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    Being chased by sloths DJ Pat's Avatar
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    There are other amusing tales in our hero Nobby's life.

    Hemorrhoids-screen-shot-2015-12-16-10-a
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Hemorrhoids-screen-shot-2015-12-16-10-a  

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    Had em for over 40 years on and off, had the banding and must have tried every bloody remedy going. Ice packs and apple cider vinegar (organic) shrink them in my case. All the creams are almost useless, ones with lindocane in help with the pain a bit. Fibogel does not work for me, there is one called fiberly doughnut! which they sell in watsons and 7/11, that stuff is amazing.

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    Had my full Haemorrhoidectomy operation on the Tuesday AM all good and I was discharged from the hospital on the Wednesday evening. - I was well doped up and the surgeon said that this was the most painful operation that he did and to expect extreme pain.
    Drug wise I was on Tramadol, Targin, Endone, a topical cream that had to be applied wearing rubber gloves and some Antibiotics. I had not had a bowel movement for a week and I was not looking forward to the experience that surely would come. I was in extreme pain and was trying to work out a routine with the analgesics and after 24 hours at home I could not pass urine.
    There was just no way I could piss - I waited as long as I could before going back to hospital - (Earl would have died of thirst at this stage)

    The hospital re-admitted me put in a catheter - relief beyond belief, and gave me a dose of the medication that clears out your bowels. - It did not work therefore I was given a subsequent dose the next day - this worked and I had at least 24 uncontrolled bowel movements over 24 hours. The pain in my ass on a scale of 1-10 was about a 15 - agony. I was shitting 50% blood and 50% faeces.

    I still could not pass urine the next day upon removal of the catheter, therefore was sent home with a new catheter. The pain in my ass was excruciating, I was hallucinating with the opiods I was taking. One week later I had the catheter removed - I had started to pass blood in my urine - basically the thing got blocked and it had cut me inside my dick. However all was now good - I could pee normally again. A pain then started when I was pissing and I was diagnosed with a UTI as a result of the catheter. This was cleared by antibiotics and I started to recover. It took about 6 weeks to approach normality again.

    I am happy to say now all is back to business as usual.

    Surgeon could not state cause, my exercise plan and diet I thought were healthy - the the only thing I lacked was fibre!! 30g per day is recommended and it is difficult to get this every day on a normal diet. So yes I take the fibre supplements and I have had no problem with any BM now.

    The pain I suffered was the worst I have ever had by a long way, I would certainly not wish it upon my worst enemy (well, hang on, maybe Stroller)

    Take your fibre, that itch you get in your ass may just be the internal ones starting. I would further recommend to try any treatment offered as opposed to a full Haemorrhoidectomy.

  21. #21
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    Jesus wept iceman, sounds fooking horrendous! Worst than Nobby's.

    Stroller would probably enjoy it though

    Gonna start eating four Weetabix in the morning from now on...

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    ^^ Keriiiiist, Icedude, that's horrific ! Gives new meaning to the expression "Shit a brick ! ".


    An itchy arse is not always hemmorhoids though.

    When I was in Bangkok about 9 years ago I developed a tiny fistula as a result of eating white rice, which makes me constipated. A fistula is a tiny hole or tear resulting from straining too hard when shitting. The hole starts internally and leaks mucus to a tiny spot outside, making it constantly itchy.

    Finally I had it operated on here in Oz and it was immediately better with no tenderness or even recovery period. I got general anaesthetic which really stung and burned as it was injected into my hand (for the 20 seconds it took to go unconscious), but that was the only problem, period. No further problems in about 7 years now.

    I've always found that a piece of papaya for dessert in the evening causes a very easy bowel movement the next day. I had a piece for the first time in a while the other evening and it was so good the next morning that I had some every day for the next 5 days. Smells great on the way out, too !
    Last edited by Latindancer; 04-09-2018 at 07:33 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Iceman123 View Post
    Had my full Haemorrhoidectomy operation on the Tuesday AM all good and I was discharged from the hospital on the Wednesday evening. - I was well doped up and the surgeon said that this was the most painful operation that he did and to expect extreme pain.
    Drug wise I was on Tramadol, Targin, Endone, a topical cream that had to be applied wearing rubber gloves and some Antibiotics. I had not had a bowel movement for a week and I was not looking forward to the experience that surely would come. I was in extreme pain and was trying to work out a routine with the analgesics and after 24 hours at home I could not pass urine.
    There was just no way I could piss - I waited as long as I could before going back to hospital - (Earl would have died of thirst at this stage)

    The hospital re-admitted me put in a catheter - relief beyond belief, and gave me a dose of the medication that clears out your bowels. - It did not work therefore I was given a subsequent dose the next day - this worked and I had at least 24 uncontrolled bowel movements over 24 hours. The pain in my ass on a scale of 1-10 was about a 15 - agony. I was shitting 50% blood and 50% faeces.

    I still could not pass urine the next day upon removal of the catheter, therefore was sent home with a new catheter. The pain in my ass was excruciating, I was hallucinating with the opiods I was taking. One week later I had the catheter removed - I had started to pass blood in my urine - basically the thing got blocked and it had cut me inside my dick. However all was now good - I could pee normally again. A pain then started when I was pissing and I was diagnosed with a UTI as a result of the catheter. This was cleared by antibiotics and I started to recover. It took about 6 weeks to approach normality again.

    I am happy to say now all is back to business as usual.

    Surgeon could not state cause, my exercise plan and diet I thought were healthy - the the only thing I lacked was fibre!! 30g per day is recommended and it is difficult to get this every day on a normal diet. So yes I take the fibre supplements and I have had no problem with any BM now.

    The pain I suffered was the worst I have ever had by a long way, I would certainly not wish it upon my worst enemy (well, hang on, maybe Stroller)

    Take your fibre, that itch you get in your ass may just be the internal ones starting. I would further recommend to try any treatment offered as opposed to a full Haemorrhoidectomy.
    Nasty business indeed the ass grapes. Had the opp years ago. Similar result to you could not piss after the opp and backing out the first bad boy I thought I was gonna pass out. Never experienced pain like it before or since.

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    i have never had anybody poke their nose up my bum before,that was before this happened 1981.being a lover of indian curries i suffered with more than enough PAIN,SOAR MARBLES UP THERE AND A LOSS OF RED CLARET.every sunday night [1965 on] was vindaloo time,that was till the boss of the curry house[bombay bute st.cardiff] said tonight i will make a special for you all its called ["DEVILED"]was it hot you bet,but we never gave in.monday morning i had to take my mates wife to hospital outpatients,and i had to sit in the van with her kid on my lap[over 2hrs] after a hr.the curry was wanting to make its way out,but i darent move.to say my arse was burning is an understatement IT WAS ON FIRE.the next week i recovered and found i no longer had a bag of marbles up my arse,i didnt have to use the water pistol to clear the troff,heaven is a place called THE BOG HOUSE. beleive it or not i have never suffered again.
    TAFF WHO DONT TELL FIBS.

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    Thailand Expat Pragmatic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger View Post
    Orally or anally?

    Asking for a friend
    I thought this below would be a dead give away?

    Quote Originally Posted by Pragmatic View Post
    should consume 2 grams of this powder with honey twice a day.

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