Thread: Cancer diagnosis - what is next?

My MIL was feeling unwell, sore head numb tongue bit of numbness on one side of face, no appetite - this was 4 weeks ago, the local hospital at Phichit after 2 visits gave her paracetamol and sent her home.

My wife knew something more sinister was wrong so we booked her into private hospital in Phitsanulok. After 2 MRI's Ct scans, bone scan etc and 2 week hospital stay removal of lymph node (suspected primary) she has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, lymph nodes spine shoulder behind eye 6 more etc.

I appreciate that this is terminal, but what should my next steps be. Is it the case that I just keep paying from my own pocket for ongoing hospitalization and meds. Do normal Thai people with cancer just die? without care? I am sure they could not afford what I have spent already to jump all queues.

Basically my wife is in bits, I have no problem with paying and was just wondering if anyone else had experience in this area.

Because the family are from near Phichit a move to BKK is not possible as they all like to stay close.

Any comments would be appreciated.

Normal people here go home and die in a hot uncomfortable shack with minimal palliative care from a family if they are lucky.
Just like sick dogs.

Originally Posted by Necron99

Normal people here go home and die in a hot uncomfortable shack with minimal palliative care from a family if they are lucky.
Just like sick dogs.

Thanks for that, it confirms my thoughts, her dad died in 2004, b4 I knew her, I think 30,000 bt would have saved him.

I will continue to pay for the best treatment possible, however after all my financial input, word in the village is that the temple is the answer as ghosts could be involved.

I kid you not.

Originally Posted by Iceman123

Originally Posted by Necron99

Normal people here go home and die in a hot uncomfortable shack with minimal palliative care from a family if they are lucky.
Just like sick dogs.

Thanks for that, it confirms my thoughts, her dad died in 2004, b4 I knew her, I think 30,000 bt would have saved him.

I will continue to pay for the best treatment possible, however after all my financial input, word in the village is that the temple is the answer as ghosts could be involved.

I kid you not.

The lovely family in Oz flew my MIL back to Thailand to die that very way as they )her daughters) didn't want to look after her even though collectively they could have afforded a 24/7 nurse/carer.

Rather than a hospital who will keep flogging a dead horse until it runs out of money you may want to search for palliative care homes, there are a few in Thailand I'm sure.

If it is terminal, then knives and drugs will do little, maybe invest in a sly order of nebutamol

It's fucked up, Ice, but the bottom line is you can't save the world.

My wife is off this weekend to see my driver's sister (driver is family, with us 15 years) who is a nurse in Cebu recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. We help as we can, but there is only so much one can do.

We routinely have friends and relatives who have bad things happen to them. I reiterate, as much as you wish you could, you can't fund it all, or save them all.

Thanks guys for your input, it is valued, I appreciate it is game over, however it is my wife I feel so sorry for.

My dad died earlier this year at 91, my mother is doing great at 84 - my wife just cannot handle her mother dying at 57yo.

If MIL was a business I would liquidate it, however I will do what I can without killing all hope. Wife is currently researching stem cell therapy and Chinese cures.

There but for the grace go I - a drowning man and all that.

My BIL died of cancer. SIL wanted to pay for the best doctors in Thailand. BIL wanted to try the latest herbal remedy. Of course, nothing could save him. He died in a hot, crowded hospital. My suggestion would be to save your money for a comfortable place to spend her last days, or at her place of choice in a as much comfort as possible. There will also be the funeral/cremation costs to consider.

Originally Posted by Necron99

If it is terminal, then knives and drugs will do little, maybe invest in a sly order of nebutamol

Yes. We are of the same mind.

Originally Posted by Iceman123

Basically my wife is in bits, I have no problem with paying and was just wondering if anyone else had experience in this area.

Originally Posted by Iceman123

Any comments would be appreciated.

Many years ago, Bangkok - FIL, internal pain, no appetite, diagnosed with terminal cancer - multiple locations. Sent home by hospital with OTC painkillers, that were of no help.

Basically, I showed up with him at the hospital, with Thai family of course. Doctor smiled when he saw that a falang was involved. Terminal cancer, nothing can be done for him, except quality of life issues. Prescriptions for "strong" painkillers that the Thai's obviously cannot afford (so they were never even offered) were provided.

With the painkillers ($60/mo) my FIL was able to eat. Spent the last year of his life at home, comfortable, being attended by all his family members, the best of a very bad situation. Had I not be in the picture (paying for the meds), he would have suffered a few months while the family stood around watching him suffer until he succumbed. As it was, his passing was comfortable, just not bothering to wake up one morning. The family had plenty of time to be prepared so no trauma involved.

So, Ice, arrange to have her at home where the family can take care of her. Pay for the meds. Make everything as comfortable for the family as you can. Terminal cancer is a quality-of-life issue. Spend money to improve her quality of life. (not to chase "cures")

Good luck.

Originally Posted by Iceman123

Do normal Thai people with cancer just die? without care? I am sure they could not afford what I have spent already to jump all queues.

Basically my wife is in bits

Originally Posted by Iceman123

it is my wife I feel so sorry for.

Well, the best you can do is give your wife's Mom as least discomfort and as dignified a send off to her life that you can.Money does buy you that in Thailand where it must be terrible watching a family member fade away in pain.

Although I did lose my Mom aged 24 to cancer, she died in a St Mary's hospice, pumped up full of painkillers and didnt even know what was what or who was who for her last few weeks. I remember my dad going nuts at the nurses saying theyd stopped feeding her. It's not pretty watching someone dying of Cancer and witnessing your family in that state and in the end its a relief when they do pass, then you know they're out of pain

Big hugs for your Missus mate, she will need them now

Simple really mate.

Ask her whats she wants to do.

She obviously has talked to the docs and knows the obvious end result.

As Dilli said. Try and give her a final wish and that should be to be with her loved one's and be as comfortable as possible.

Good luck to a good caring man.