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Thread: Winter in Issan

  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Winter in Issan

    I woke up this morning and picked a 4 inch icicle from my left nostril. There are reasons for this unprecedented plucking..

    They come in the form of a bitter north easterly breeze which has in turn reduced my hooter into a state of perpetual drizzle. The word 'radiator' is apparently not translatable into Retard and heaters are no where to be found..not even in bastard Tesco..selfish fuckers..half their clientele are foreign so they should go about researching their/our needs in greater depth.

    In short, it's fucking freezing. I sleep in a jumper and tracksuit trousers and I still wake up half way through the night, teeth chattering with genitals reduced to a rather unimpressive collection of objects.

    But, I'll stop moaning about it because I love it..the heat in this country is oppressive and turns even the greatest minds into quivering, lethargic spastics..go figure.
    You know, you just know, if temperatures in England and Thailand were to be reversed then the English would go from a competitive economy to a developing shitehole within a fortnight.

    So in Issan and I dare say every other region in the country, it is now just passed harvest time. A period when the farmers sit back counting their baht and the days up to the next harvest. Of course, some are more thrifty than others and will survive on jungle pluckings and river water all year round, as oppose to those who, as soon as they collect their poultry wages, develope an accute thirst for alcohol and go about drinking a years work in 48 hours.

    Let's survey the wreckage..

    A field of recently picked corn..now ideal for cobra and viper lurking..fantastic!!



    The custard apple trees have done their bit and have now been cut back in preparation for the start of their next harvest come August..



    My plot still requires trimming..I'll get round to it...later..



    This sugar cane plantation is still going strong though, I think it takes about a year for them to sufficiently mature..



    The dragon fruit trees have been trimmed back and are already starting to grow back rapidly..



    Random piles of shite dumped throughout the area ready to be administered as fertiliser..



    Best not stand under this cluster of jackfruit too long, don't want a medieval style weapon falling on my bonce..



    Thai scaffolding, best in the world..



    Finally, for those with a bit more poke in their wallets..buy a few dozen of these and your set..all sorts of mercs and beamers parked in the owners driveway..



    Oh well. It'll only get warmer from here on in..unfortunately..

  2. #2
    Have you got any cheese Thetyim's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    I sleep in a jumper and tracksuit trousers and I still wake up half way through the night, teeth chattering and genitals reduced to a rather unimpressive collection of objects.
    Get one of those chinese electric hot water bottles.
    It will keep you warm all night.
    Only 199 baht

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thetyim
    Get one of those chinese electric hot water bottles
    Are you sure people don't wake up dead after recieving 220 volts up the back passage?

    Never heard of/seen them.

    Where can you buy them?

  4. #4
    Have you got any cheese Thetyim's Avatar
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    Can get them in the markets.
    Looks like a small cushion.
    It's not connected to the mains when in the bed.
    Takes 3 minutes to warm up, unplug it and pop it under the duvet.


  5. #5
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    I've found a duvet works quite well.

    Saying that, it has been cold recently...


  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thetyim
    Looks like a small cushion. It's not connected to the mains when in the bed. Takes 3 minutes to warm up, unplug it and pop it under the duvet.
    Sounds ideal.

    I'll keep an eye out.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog
    I've found a duvet works quite well.
    Thing is, due to my latest ailment, SFD (sleep flatulence disorder) my wife deems it necessary to crack a window or two, meaning the matress doesn't suffice..

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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    matress
    Matress = Duvet in Retard.

  9. #9
    Philippine Expat Davis Knowlton's Avatar
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    Philippines is fucking freezing too - at least in my little slice of the jungle. I have gone from my normal no shirt, to tank tops, to full t-shirts, and today I went, for the first time in recorded history, to a sweatshirt (albeit sleeveless). I may even have to go from swim trunks to sweats if this keeps up. It's the wind that is keeping it so cold. This sucks! Slap: Is Granny ok? Remember, the old darling is more sensitive to the cold than a youngster such as yourself.

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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    I woke up this morning and picked a 4 inch icicle from my left nostril.
    You would never exaggerate of course.

    Nice documentary series of pictures. Thanks for that.

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    Granny now sits on her wicker bench with a saffron bobble hat and scarf on..she looks extra scary in the winter..

  12. #12
    Philippine Expat Davis Knowlton's Avatar
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    ^Now that calls for a picture - if you can sneak up on her without getting clubbed.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Takeovers
    Quote: Originally Posted by somtamslap I woke up this morning and picked a 4 inch icicle from my left nostril.


    Quote Originally Posted by Takeovers
    You would never exaggerate of course.
    Ok, you got me..it was only 3 inches..

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Davis Knowlton
    Now that calls for a picture - if you can sneak up on her without getting clubbed.
    I'll see what I can do..although we're still not talking.

    It's a most convenient state of affairs..

  15. #15
    Philippine Expat Davis Knowlton's Avatar
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    ^I'm sure you are both well pleased.

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    Coming on quite nicely there mr. slapper.

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Davis Knowlton
    I'm sure you are both well pleased.
    Granny's distraught..one less person to cluck orders at..



    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    Coming on quite nicely there mr. slapper.
    The farm or the intensifying stand-off with Grandma?

  18. #18
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    i bought a electric room heater in the main soi pak chong last year /left hand side going towards khorat way ,big electric store behind market...took me about 30mins to explain what i wanted ,then after she showed me micro-wave,electric kettle,gas oven,hair-dryer and rice cooker it sort of clicked with her ..think i paid about 1500 bht ....

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by spikebs4
    i bought a electric room heater in the main soi pak chong last year /left hand side going towards khorat way ,big electric store behind market...took me about 30mins to explain what i wanted ,then after she showed me micro-wave,electric kettle,gas oven,hair-dryer and rice cooker it sort of clicked with her ..think i paid about 1500 bht ....
    Another Pak Chong dweller enduring the Polar conditions..

  20. #20
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    yep ,klong-pia just up the road..got some big hills to the side of me so wind not to much of a proplem ,but def colder this time round .... im sat here with a fkin jacket on ... hard -life innt llf

  21. #21
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    ^ Klong Pai..nice!

    Have you got a nice view of the lake/reservoir?

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    Philippine Expat Davis Knowlton's Avatar
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    Ice skating?

  23. #23
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    no im just down from the hill ,lake- river 5min away, nice ,clean,fresh and leo/samsong....cap on

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Davis Knowlton
    Ice skating?
    I'd put up a pic of the snowman I built this morning, but I'm very particular about the quality of the images I put up on the internet and the lighting just wasn't favourable for a decent shot..

    However, some pics of the reservoir and dam at Klong Pai..



    The dam..



    A trio of chancers..



    They didn't half do bad, mind you..



    Last edited by somtamslap; 08-01-2011 at 06:55 PM.

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    nice catch , dont know if id eat em though ....

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