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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    My pandemic lockdown project

    It all started, as the best stories invariably do, when some dickhead Chinese clodhopper decided to scrimp on supper and chow down on the nearest thing with a heartbeat. Then he coughed and a few weeks later everyone started dying. The next thing you know I'm watching some middle-aged chap with a wild eyes and an unkempt hairdo tell me I'm not allowed to go outside unless it's for an hour's exercise per day.

    Nice one, Xiang Yang Hong Choo. You just fucked it. You complete AND UTTER bellend!

    So the first few days of the lockdown in the UK and myself and the children went back to basics, while my wife continued working at the nursing home where she was later infected with COVID-19 and admitted to hospital (but that's another story). With trips to the shops to stock up on groceries limited to a once fortnightly affair (my own rule) we decided to stock the cupboards from the surrounding countryside - easy to do in Thailand, but unless you have a fondness for slugs and oaktree leaves you're fresh out of luck in the UK. However, this was mid-spring when the wild garlic was spreading like, well, a fucking virus, so we bagged a bunch and went home and cooked it up with some lamb's liver and onion to make what I consider a lockdown staple. Here we are, skipping through the undergrowth.

    My pandemic lockdown project-image0-3-jpg
    Last edited by somtamslap; 30-06-2020 at 03:57 AM.

  2. #2
    splendid and tremendous
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    I shall not lie to you. A few days into our lunchtime foraging sessions and I started to become suicidal. Surely there's more to life than fucking wild garlic. I need substance, a direction, a goal, some kind of target to hit. But options were decidely limited. Everywhere was closed.

    But after an evening doing some rather frantic soul searching with a box of Sainsbury's super strength table wine, I devised a cunning plan: we would continue our lunchtime walks but this time I would be foraging for wood, with a view to creating some kind of decorative feature for the garden. And so it began... off we traipsed with a handsaw.

    I found a couple of decent uprights which would make the basis of a good old archway. They were lying around on the forest floor so I slung them over the shoulder and walked the mile back home, looking incredibly masculine, and dare I say, pikey. But in the midst of a global pandemic, no buggered batted a bollock.

    My pandemic lockdown project-image2-2-jpg
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails My pandemic lockdown project-image1-5-jpg   My pandemic lockdown project-image1-5-jpg  

  3. #3
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    How do I rotate the pics?

  4. #4
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    They'll be the right way up in no time.

  5. #5
    Isle of Discombobulation
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    A couple of nice logs there Slaps,did you stain them?

    That wild garlic was nice while it lasted, 3months on and it's been replaced with sticky weed now up here.

    Returning from a walk with the dog and its become the norm to have a back covered in the stuff,much to the changsters amusement.

    Btw nice bamboo bush,that'll grow massive in a few years.

  6. #6
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    That's a bit of a glaring glitch in the system if they can't be flipped.

  7. #7
    Pedantic bastard
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    Jesus mate. Quick scan fuck the wood how is your wife??

  8. #8
    Thailand Expat lom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    How do I rotate the pics?
    Don't rotate the phone.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    How do I rotate the pics?
    Turn your computer sideways. LOL
    or if you are feeling adventurous. find the picture in your file folder. left click on it , from the drop down menus select "open with" and from the options select " Photos" when the photo opens, Left click on the photo again and from the drop down menu select "Rotate"
    Hope it helped.
    The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.

  10. #10
    disturbance in the Turnip baldrick's Avatar
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    stop taking photos in portrait mode ?

  11. #11
    splendid and tremendous
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    Let's try this...

    My pandemic lockdown project-screen-shot-2020-06-29-21-a

  12. #12
    splendid and tremendous
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    Screen grab. Slap save the day. Yet again.



    Quote Originally Posted by nidhogg View Post
    Jesus mate. Quick scan fuck the wood how is your wife??
    All good thanks, amigo.

    Was a little bit worrying at the time though...

    False negative: a tale of Covid and fear and hope...

  13. #13
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buckaroo Banzai View Post
    Hope it helped.
    Thank you brother - tried that already though and the damn thing reverted back.

  14. #14
    Thailand Expat TheRealKW's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Was a little bit worrying at the time though...
    Would be more than a bit worrying, but I dare that's an example of British understatement...

  15. #15
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    I use Snagit, capture the pic in preview mode, rotate (or edit) and save; sometimes it works.

  16. #16
    Thailand Expat
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    If it's a portrait pic and keeps rotating, just crop a slither from the top or bottom, then it seems to stop rotating.

  17. #17
    splendid and tremendous
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    I'm gonna go with screen shots - much easier, and the pics are of no real quality so nothing will be lost in translation.

    You may notice in the second picture, if you bend your neck at such an angle it could actually put you at risk of bursting your carotid artery, that there's a selection of sticks left out on the lawn to dry. These hadalso been poached, de-barked, and subsequently stained, making up the flanks and top pieces of my archway

    My pandemic lockdown project-image0-4-jpg

  18. #18
    Its all gleaming

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    Are you building the worlds smallest ranch?

  19. #19
    disturbance in the Turnip baldrick's Avatar
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    maybe he will take up gardening and grow garlic

  20. #20
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    At around this stage, Boris has just been admitted into intensive care, my wife had come home from work witha a temperature and the health secretary Matt Hancock appeared in the daily briefings looking more and more haggered and hopeless. The pandemic in the UK was far from its peak and the country was in its strictest state of lockdown.

    I badly needed an outlet, and with the arch nearly finished I began to vent my frusttraion on the front of the garden with a shovel and a pickaxe.

    My pandemic lockdown project-image0-5-jpg

    My pandemic lockdown project-image0-6-jpg

  21. #21
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    As you can see, quite a large pile of top soil and assorted rubble had began to accumalate, and with the recycling centres and dumps firmly shit, this pile was only going to get bigger. Something had to be done. And despite my daughters' best efforts with the 'Free Top Soil to a good home' sign, we had very few takers.

    A little hardware store proved to be a beacon of light in the darkness of this lockdown period.

    And after some consideration I decided to join the 500 metre queue and buy 10 or so lengths of decking and a few fence posts. This soil would not be going to waste.

    My pandemic lockdown project-image0-7-jpg
    Last edited by somtamslap; 30-06-2020 at 05:35 PM.

  22. #22
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    As time went by, I reached a kind of flow state with the shovel. I was in the zone. I just couldn't. stop. digging.

    My pandemic lockdown project-image2-3-jpg

  23. #23
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    But of course, the byproduct of reaching a flow state with the shovel is a huge amount of soil - and with this came the construction of more raised planters. This had now become an exercise in soil and debris removal.

    My pandemic lockdown project-image5-jpg

  24. #24
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    By this time the Mrs was fresh out of hospital and I suggested some time in the bracing air to get those lungs working again.

    She and the children planted tomatoes, basil, cucumber, chilli and a number of other edibles which would nicely complement the stockpile of wild garlic. Meanwhile I'd go to the butchers twic e week for wild boar and venison snags.

    My pandemic lockdown project-image0-8-jpg

  25. #25
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    Having more or less dealt with the soil I could now continue with the task at hand.

    I had this little lot delivered from Jewsons who had just strated trading again.

    My pandemic lockdown project-image2-5-jpg
    Last edited by somtamslap; 30-06-2020 at 06:49 PM.

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