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  1. #51
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    Captain, thanks so much for the great thread. It reminds me so much of my moving here in 1988 and doing the same thing on Samui. I have the pix of some of it but not the literary or photographic skills of you.. But man what memories, sadly of pissing off the locals by making a lot of money.


    Cheers to you mate.

  2. #52
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    What a great looking place-I can't understand how your kraut mate was only pulling a couple of customers a day.
    With a shopfront like that he should have been pulling at least three per day.

  3. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by marklatham
    What a great looking place-I can't understand how your kraut mate was only pulling a couple of customers a day.
    With a shopfront like that he should have been pulling at least three per day.
    Armin was a chef Mark. So if he did get a customer he would be out in the kitchen knocking up the food and not talking to his customers which is vital in the hospitality game. Actually I am being way to kind as Armin was possibly the most boring guy that you could ever come across. He was the kind of guy that you had to tell a joke to him twice and still never see his face change when you delivered the punch line. Armin was also a very annoying character as was the kind of bloke that if you were walking side by side up a street that was 20' wide he would still manage to bump into you constantly. It used to annoy the fok outa me.

    More after this important word from our sponsors.



  4. #54
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    OK , have you ever ordered a chicken sandwich and then been served an egg sandwich? It was starting to happen with monotonous(sp) regularity and although I rarely had to deal with complaints from the customers, I had a rule that if a customer had a complaint that was genuine, then they didnt have to pay. It is pretty common practise in the west so I applied it in the east. The thinking is that no customer should ever leave a restaurant without a smile on their face and although I had no real competition I didnt want any customer going out of my gaff and telling 10 people of their bad experience.

    Anyway, it became obvious that the waitstaff werent very good with English and although most of the time it was all just good fun there were times when customers who ordered a chicken sandwich and then got an egg sandwich were getting the 'ump. After about 7 sandwiches that I didnt charge for I decided to train up my staff in the difference between egg and chicken.

    Here is a pic of me doing my first English lesson.



    I even did a demonstration of a chicken with my hands in my armpits and flapping my arms along with a demonstration of a chicken laying an egg. To do this I squatted and made a strained look on my face.
    So I can now say that I have taught English.

  5. #55
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    Great Thread.

  6. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fabian
    Great Thread.
    Nice one Fabian.


    I really loved my time running that gaff and taking folks trekking. I started out with 1500 baht in my skyrocket and ended up, years later with heaps of dosh and all manner of toys. The best thing was the folks that I met and I kept in contact with many of them for years.
    Wally once posted, in response to one of my more melancholic posts, that relationships are the most important thing in life. He was so on the money with that post and I will always look back fondly on my time at that gaff as I met so many great folks. Some were bums just trying to make the most of Thailand on what little dosh they had. Some were rich and just lookin' for a good time. Others were into some pretty serious illegal shit but they all had something to offer me.
    The trouble was that all but a very small few just came and went. I often wonder what happened to some of those folks but that is life I guess.

    One night a bloke came in and just wanted to argue with me. He had some kind of problem with my success and drank himself stupid, all the while trying to engage me in a fight. I had a big stick behind the bar in anticipation of such an encounter but happily never had to use it. Not once. That stoopid fok drank himself to the point where he couldnt even stand up. Happily he was in the beer garden and I simply locked up at about 4 in the morning, leaving him draped in a chair.

    I did re park his motorcycle for him before I went to bed though.




  7. #57
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    So now lets discuss the hiring and firing of staff. This is Dow who was my first cashier. She was fairly good with writing out folks bins but one night a $us10 note went missing. It was pretty easy to spot coz we mainly dealt in baht but I accepted any currency as long as I could redeem it at the bank as jing.



    Unfortunately Dow decided to half inch that note and the next day I sked her what might have happened to it. She told me that she had no idea and had never even seen it.

    Mindful of the value of the misdemeanour I said that I didnt care and asked her to be more vigilant in future. She thanked me for being a good boss and I thought that this was the end of it untill she turned up for work two days later and handed me the note and told me that she had simply borrowed it to show it to a friend.

    wtf?

    I decide in my ignorance to sack her on the spot. I was to learn a valuable lesson that day. That lesson was that I was a falang and Thai ppl do things a little differently. Thai folks boycotted the place for weeks as a result.
    I didnt lose a lot of turnover coz what the Thai folks bought was sold at almost cost price anyway.

    This leads me nicely into the head cook or Mer Khua and how she had me over.

    TBC

  8. #58

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    I remember when I was the day time manager of a gogo bar, we used to keep 50k in change in the safe for if the cashier run out of small money, we was allowed to borrow that money if we so wished but obviously had to leave a note in there, the thai nite manager used to borrow some money but he never left a note, so for like 3 days there would be descrepancies and then suddenly it would be ok again. foking idiotic thai.

  9. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by Captain Sensible
    This leads me nicely into the head cook or Mer Khua and how she had me over.

    TBC
    AND THEN?????
    Had to bump. You can't stop now.

  10. #60
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    Jai yen yen frisco. I have been busy with my recipe's.

  11. #61
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    OK so the mer khua (cook) was this lady. Sorry it aint a great pic but it is about the best I can do. It was taken on the day we moved the spirit houses. The guy behind her is a neighbour and possibly the laziest Thai that I have ever met but that is another story.



    I shouldnt complain about the cook as she worked all sorts of hours for a mere 100 baht per day. I tried introducing incentive schemes whereby she could earn more but I think she thought that I was trying to stitch her up and told me flat that she just wanted her 100 baht per day.

    What I hadnt realized was that she was doing very nicely out of selling food out the back door to the locals. Nor had I realized that she was doing such a good job at getting rid of all the empty beer bottles because the bottles had a deposit on them.
    Everyday she would come to the pub around midday and shuffle into the kitchen to see what was needed from the market. She would then estimate how much it was gonna cost and then came to me and asked for the dosh. Most days she asked for upward of 800 baht but on some days she wanted 2000 baht. I had no interest in that side of things and more often than not was sporting a filthy hangover so I would just give her the money and go on with whatever I was doing. Never once did she come and give me any change from her purchases at the market.
    One day I did go with her to the market to see what she got up to and I quickly realized that she was well known at the market, as she was in the rest of the community. It was clear that she was skimming dosh off the top of what I was giving her but I considered that while she continued to do the cooking and controlled the rest of the staff, I was on a winner. I figured that she was prolly skimming about 200 baht per day and so enjoying a pay of upwards of 300 baht per day. To my mind it was worth it just to keep everyone happy. After all, I considered what would happen if she were not there. Sure she was slow but hey, this was Thailand. She had a good heart and naturally loads of ppl assumed that she was my wife but such was not the case.
    I remember one night when I was pissed outa my head, I grabbed her on the arse and suggested a little fornication might be fun and she told me to fok right off. I am so glad she did coz she was ugly as sin in the cold light of day. I used to call her the 'garrolous old cow' and she liked that and smiled whenever I did. I dont think she understood.

  12. #62
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    Of course, life in Kanchanaburi revolves around the river. Actually there are two rivers, The Kwai Noi and The Kwai Yai. Kanchanaburi is situated where the two rivers meet. My gaff was located about a kilometre down river from the famous bridge. I only opened at night initially so my days were free to do whatever. Of course some time was taken up in going out to the wholesalers and buying beer but once I learned who sold what I just got them to deliver it. So I had plenty of time to relax and naturally the river came in dead handy.
    There were a number of us who bought truck tyre inner tubes and spent hours bobbing in the river. Here is a pic of me in my inner tube, bobbing.



    I took it to another level and bought a small inner tube and made it into our drinks table.

    When you work as hard as I had too it was important to find that time to relax.

  13. #63
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    I used to sit in my inner tube and watch the long tail boats zooming up and down the river so I decided to buy one so I could take up fishing. After all, I figured that there must be great fishing in the river because all Kanchanaburi's street signs are shaped like fish. So I took myself off to the fishing tackle shop and bought rods, hooks and sinkers and all the parafenalia(sp) that you need to be a fisherman. Here is my boat.



    So ensconsed in the idea of fishing was I that I decided to rename the pub 'The Gone Fish Inn'. After all I was going to be up river doing my fishing wasnt I.

    One day I was pootling about up river in my boat and discovered an island in the middle of the river that looked perfect for a camping/fishing safari so I went back to the pub and organized a 3 day soiree up to the island with two mates.

    Naturally we took loads of provisions and set off for the island.

    Here is a pic of my two mates along for the fishing safari.



    The guy on the left was a good mate and maintained that he wasnt German but instead came from Lichtenstein. He was funny as fok as it goes and great company. The guy on the right was just one of my customers who I had befriended and I cant even remember his name. They do look a bit rough so I gather that this pic was taken on day two.

    This was our campsite for two nights



    There were no yung to worry about because we were in the middle of a fast running river so we slept under the stars. Well I did anyway but then I am Australian.



    You can easily see that we did it in style.



    Australians are used to camping, Europeans dont seem to cope quite so well.

    Anyway, after 3 days of intense fishing we decided to pack it in and head back to town coz we were starving fokking hungry. I had told them that we would eat the fish that we caught and only brought vegetables and some rice.
    In the whole 3 days we didnt catch one fish. Not even one.
    It was good to get back to the pub.

  14. #64
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    That egg and chicken thing is hilarious. my wife can't stop piddling herself, which makes me happy. Cheers mate.

  15. #65

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    see,see,see, I told you he didn't wear his hat to bed......

  16. #66
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    Mate you are a good bobber.

    You owned your own long tail? Now that is way cool

    Just tell me when you run out of pics and stories as this is the best thread by far on teakdoor and I will start asking questions again.

  17. #67
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    I sure did own my own longtail.



    It wasnt super quick like some of them but it did get along at quite a pace, especially when you were going with the flow. Downriver where the Kwai Noi and The Kwai Yai meet it can get pretty busy with longtails shooting back and forth. It seemed that there were just two speeds that Thai longtails drove at. Slow and flat out. They generally chose the latter though.

    One day, while I had two gals on board, I didnt see one particular longtail in time and we nearly collided with it. We avoided that collision by a mere few feet but the wake from his boat almost sank us. My boat took so much water and was sitting very low in the water while I was madly bailing with a small bucket that had another boat come by and done the same thing it would have sunk us for sure. I would have been ok though coz, being Australian, I can swim. The two gals were both English and I later learned that neither of them could.
    I was very careful to avoid the high traffic areas on the river from then on. Especially when I had totty on board.

    Hey MeMock, jump in and ask me questions mate. Otherwise I will just go on adding bits as I remember them.

  18. #68
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    Ok - here are 2 questions.

    Why arent you online with skype....and

    were you ever called blue or bluey?

  19. #69
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    Quote Originally Posted by MeMock
    Ok - here are 2 questions.

    Why arent you online with skype....and

    were you ever called blue or bluey?
    I am online with skype old boy as we just spoke for ten minutes or so.

    I been called lots of things in my time but never Blue or Bluey mate.

  20. #70
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    crikey with a face and hair like that I thought it was a definate!

  21. #71
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    Cheeky sod.

  22. #72
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    Now here is a nice pic of the early days and some of my happy customers.



    Look at them smiling faces eh?
    Far right is Carl from London. Carl was so impressed with the gaff that he asked me if he could open it up during the day and do lunches for folks. He didnt want paying for doing it. He just wanted to help. So I said ok no problem and the pub started opening up during the day while I was away fishing and bobbing. He did some turnover but not much and eventually he packed it in and came fishing with me.

    The gal far left in this pic is Patrice who I put some work in on. When I finally did manage to get her onto the ol' workbench she announced that she was a lesbian. Of course I said "Thats fine darling, two tickets to Lesbos please." and carried on rummaging around in her pants. Sadly, she wernt up for it and I had to calm the blue veined junket pumper down myself. You cant win 'em all I guess.

  23. #73
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    Great stuff CS.

    Time for some more questions.

    Which nationality did you find you had the most trouble with?

  24. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by MeMock
    Great stuff CS.

    Time for some more questions.

    Which nationality did you find you had the most trouble with?
    I didnt have to think about this for very long mate. The Israeli's.
    The Yids are by far and a way the rudest bunch of folks that I have ever come across. They are very demanding and rarely say 'please' or 'thankyou'.
    They tend to go in packs as well. They also communicate with eachother by using a gutteral type of shouting. Not that I understand Israelish anyway.

    One night I had had such a gut full of them that I decided that I would put up a Palestinian flag outside the pub. Sadly, I couldnt find one in Kanchanaburi.

  25. #75
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    Actually, to be fair, I should also post that some Israeli's, when they are on their own, happened to be very nice folks. Thinking on it though they were few and far between. There was this one Israeli bird that had massive............errr, never mind.

    In general though, it is true what they say about the Yids and money as they were the only folks who always scryutinized their bill and hardly ever tipped.

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