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Thread: My cunning plan

  1. #76
    R.I.P. Luigi's Avatar
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    Yeah dude, we hear ya, like, dude, choice eh, cobber.

  2. #77
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by terry57 View Post
    Jesus Christ,

    Norton is telling him to drive in Bangkok but Norton lives up in shitsville up Norf where there are mainly Soi dogs on the road.

    Look fuktards, there is another option.

    He could drive from Pats up to Bum Bum Airport and dump his car in the long term car park. The motor way is excellent and it's an easy drive.

    But once he exits from the motorway and hits Bangkok the whole fookin show turns to shit and you wankers saying it does not need to fook off.

    Anyway back to Business eh.

    Once he dumps his car at the airport he could simply jump a Taxi and head into Khao San Road area. Cost him maybe 400 Bht and save him a world of angst and frustration trying to drive his car in Bangkok when he don't know the city.

    When he is done jump a taxi back to BUM Bum airport and drive back to Mongerville.

    So there ya go shit stains so stop trying to fuk up his holiday by telling him to drive into Khao San.

    Cheers eh.

    And even if ya Know Bangkok is still supremely fooked trying to drive into the Shit house innit.
    Terry: I don't expect to drive much if at all once at the hotel, though having the car offers more options and is great for storage/shopping and dumping stuff instead of lugging it around.

    If the hotel has a decent pool the lad might end up playing heroes and generals or fortnite for 3 days while a nurse takes care of my occasional needs.

  3. #78
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luigi View Post
    Change that to Songkran week and you'll have the roads to yourself.

    After New Years, it's the best time to drive around Bkk.
    Will keep that in mind, but decision rests with the bosses.

  4. #79
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by terry57 View Post
    Jesus mate,

    If ya planning to be in Bangkok in April ya gunna hate it and run home crying like a little bitch.

    It really is a diabolical time to be in the city, it's incredibly hot and the air pollution is off the Chart.

    I leave the city in March and return in June once the rain starts.

    Ya gota game this city if ya gunna live it, if not it's fookin rubbish.

    Just saying dude eh.
    Also noted, same same will be down to the bosses.

  5. #80
    I'm in Jail

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    Tezza, what got a ya tash in a twist?

  6. #81
    I'm in Jail

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    Quote Originally Posted by terry57 View Post
    Jesus Christ,

    Norton is telling him to drive in Bangkok but Norton lives up in shitsville up Norf where there are mainly Soi dogs on the road.

    Look fuktards, there is another option.

    He could drive from Pats up to Bum Bum Airport and dump his car in the long term car park. The motor way is excellent and it's an easy drive.

    But once he exits from the motorway and hits Bangkok the whole fookin show turns to shit and you wankers saying it does not need to fook off.

    Anyway back to Business eh.

    Once he dumps his car at the airport he could simply jump a Taxi and head into Khao San Road area. Cost him maybe 400 Bht and save him a world of angst and frustration trying to drive his car in Bangkok when he don't know the city.

    When he is done jump a taxi back to BUM Bum airport and drive back to Mongerville.

    So there ya go shit stains so stop trying to fuk up his holiday by telling him to drive into Khao San.

    Cheers eh.

    And even if ya Know Bangkok is still supremely fooked trying to drive into the Shit house innit.
    That's what I love about this space. Always helpful people looking out on other's behalf.

  7. #82
    Thailand Expat terry57's Avatar
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    And i'm not joking with that one mate. You Ask any Ex-Pat what is the very worst time in Bangkok and they will tell you it's April and May.

    Anyone who comes here in those 2 months and does not need to come here is simply insane.

    In the last few years I actually leave end of Febuary before the heat really sets in and get back well into June.

    That's why I love Bangkok, all good outside those fooked up months.

  8. #83
    Thailand Expat terry57's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NamPikToot View Post

    Tezza, what got a ya tash in a twist?
    Fook all, just giving this nice fellow the good oil where as the other wankers are trying to set him up .

    There are some real arsehole on this forum .

    I'm the only straight up fuker who tells it straight eh.

  9. #84
    I'm in Jail

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    Hell I allways just grabbed the chicken bus and headed south

    I figured if that don't kill me their wiskey will.

  10. #85
    Hangin' Around cyrille's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by terry57 View Post
    He could drive from Pats up to Bum Bum Airport and dump his car in the long term car park. The motor way is excellent and it's an easy drive.
    And his car will be almost as far from his hotel as it was before he left home.



    Holy Fuck Tel...you better spend Christmas over the road in boyztown again.

  11. #86
    Thailand Expat terry57's Avatar
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    Oh for fok sakes cyrill, you been smoking all my Mull again aint cha.

    How do ya think all the back packing filth get over there eh. ?

    They either catch a Taxi and the fukin thing uses the toll ways or the plebs catch the special airport bus which dumps the coonts right off at Khao San.

    Anyway Cyrill, go sit in the corner and spank ya little weeny.

    This thread is reserved for me who is actually trying to help this poor coonta out.

    Cheers eh Cyrill

  12. #87
    Days Work Done! Norton's Avatar
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    My cunning plan-curley-jpg
    Pic of Curley. Custer's expert guide who led him to the Little Big Horn.

    Listen to Tezza, he is expert on all things related to Bangkok, Thailand and damn near everywhere else.
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails My cunning plan-curley-jpg  

  13. #88
    Thailand Expat terry57's Avatar
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    Jesus Norton, you have finally seen the light.

    Cheers mate, Merry Xmas.

  14. #89
    Days Work Done! Norton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by terry57 View Post
    Jesus Norton, you have finally seen the light.

    Cheers mate, Merry Xmas.
    Same to you mate!

  15. #90
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    Quote Originally Posted by terry57 View Post
    Once he dumps his car at the airport he could simply jump a Taxi
    Why drop the car and get in another car you complete and utter moron?

    You've made a point already about public transport and not sitting in traffic, so why not tell him to jump on the airport link which is at the airport you're telling him to swap cars at

    Btw its 500 baht a day to park at the airport then his return taxi or train fares, you mong

  16. #91
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    I will leave you nice people to decide what I shoulda done; thanks for the tips, happy festive and hope to catch up on the other side.

  17. #92
    Thailand Expat OhOh's Avatar
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    ^

    Detailed reports from your family adventures and "nurse" photos most appreciated.

  18. #93
    Thailand Expat terry57's Avatar
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    Na, fook that boring shit.

    I want to know how the driving in Bangkok went .

  19. #94
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    gone awry, try again
    Last edited by jabir; 28-12-2019 at 10:32 AM.

  20. #95
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    Mai mee panhaa for anybody to drive in Bkk during Christmas - New Year time, empty streets, all the Bkk people are in Chiang Mai, Phuket, Pattaya, same as Songraan...

  21. #96
    Hangin' Around cyrille's Avatar
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    You won't defeat tel with logic, I'm afraid.

  22. #97
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    part 1

    Went well with the car, and hope you all had a fine Christmas or Hanukah or for the libs a happy Wednesday.

    A lesson or two taken on board, and some changes in perception.

    300km round trip, both legs almost exactly 150km, bit of congestion on return due to two accidents, otherwise plain sailing both ways; tolls 180 there and 75 back with the amnesty. Praise to Google maps, couldn’t have done without and wouldn’t have tried, not only for to and fro but also between venues within Bangkok; fex, hotel to destination says 2.4km while tuktuk swears it’s in the outer galaxy so 200 is cheap.

    We started off Tuesday >8am with an oil/water/tyre check, both front tyres in the low 20s instead of 30, and 21-25 at the back instead of 32; not the first time either, so that’s something to keep in mind before any trip, and by extension a reminder to lash out with 10 bt for a pressure check at every topup.

    Tip: Tyres are the only contact you have with the road, so don’t neglect them because payback can be brutal.

    The Hotel: Excellent location for that part of Bangkok. First and last stay there was 18 years ago, early in our relationship, and she was probably trying to impress me with culture as much as I was pretending I couldn’t get enough of it. Next time something more central. Khao San was same same, nipper enjoyed the attention esp the massage ladies trying to lure him in which he wasn’t having, but did eventually, and liked, now wants more, that’s my boy, moving in the right direction.

    The car didn’t move from arrival to departure, so everything worked out well with that.

    (Sorry about the pics, they're a nightmare; took ages to download and convert just a few, some have shrunk and won't restore while others are on random rotation...)

    We found a space just outside the hotel, parked up, unloaded under this guy’s watchful eyes, and as we pass him he calls ‘tuktuk?’ I asked how much, he asked where to, I said here and we became mates, till next day when he wanted 200 for down the road.




    11am, Receptionist couldn’t find our reservation, but eventually did so we got over that hurdle no problem.



    I didn’t book breakfast, and wasn’t about to pay 320+ for a cuppa and 2 slices toast/egg/jam; he eats little to nothing, don’t know how he survives, but when I politely declined desk boss' offer to buy breakfast tokens, in case I forgot to order them online, she tossed them in free, for Christmas. I suspect this is a scam, separating breakfast from room charge in the hope of prising 160bt/head from gullible guests, because while we were at the desk a Thai couple checked in for the night at 1500, with tokens, vs our almost 1900 online without, so after their show of largess it looks like we ended up paying over the odds anyway.



    This always sets me wondering, do people actually change at these rates, beyond a few bucks for incidentals?



    Friendly and polite staff, this one wasn’t going to pass up his tip, corralled and wrestled it from the lad who was doing wheelies around the lobby; another 20 bt bites the dust.

    The room, basic, didn’t order or need the single bed but it served well as another surface to dump stuff.



    Bathroom…



    Something for everyone…



    Note the left-handed bum gun.

    Looks ok, but someone needs to teach these people about hygiene! I didn’t notice it on arrival as we were fired up, in and out within minutes, but caught up later when we returned. Filth fighting with grime through a waft of must in the background like a damp basement or stuffy attic; the only way they’re open is by paying someone off at the Depts of Health, Tourism and whichever other arms of gov could close them down. I instructed the lad to keep his slippers on in the room (didn’t spook him with why, his Thai genes would see him through), as a buffer to whatever lives in the carpet, grubby curtains crying out for a clean, grey nets that were once white; I never had a decent night’s sleep, itching and scratching till raw, bet they haven’t changed or bothered to clean the mattresses since they built this place, and pointless complaining as best that would earn us is another room but at the same hotel. Corridor carpets were also blotched and stained from its years, nobody seems to care as long as the lobby looks like a smart 3*. Returned home with scabs on my arms and legs; the lad didn’t seem to mind, must be the Thai in him, some advantages to that I suppose. The only time I felt bearably clean was just out of the shower, which btw was excellent for power and instant temp control from freeze to scald.

    Tip: pay that bit extra for reasonable conditions.

    ---------------

    So we’ve arrived and settled in, which means dumping everything and let’s get moving. Briefly ran through the shortlist at reception and with google maps, good effort but bit of a fantasy from here so let's ad lib and see what gives; strolled down KSR for a bite, a peaceful early afternoon till wifey called to say MBK is the place to be, he’ll like the activities, people and whatever else is going on. Taxi to MBK.

    Been here before, wasn’t impressed, it’s like Tony Shopping but bigger, and upside down.





    ...with a Christmas tree



    and lots of space, great distances between places, I don't know how these people cope.



    but well done, good show,



    Walk and more walk, not what I expected, he’s looking for stuff to buy and getting cranky, I’m looking in vain for something to placate him, this wasn’t supposed to happen, it was dad and lad quality fun time not junk shopping. Wifey calls and says stay positive, easy from 150km away, try Paragon, they have a good Christmas effort, he’ll like that; just as well she’s not a drone pilot, so Paragon it is which means traipsing back down through MBK and across a forecourt to Siam something, through there across a larger forecourt to Siam something else, rinse and repeat for another forecourt to Paragon, by which time he’s looking at me sideways, I’m reminded of Terry's see I toldja he’ll think you’re a coont for fcuking up his hol, knackered and ready to forego Paragon and wifey’s other priceless Christmas tips for the hotel while he’s trying to break free of my hand which I can’t let go cos he’s primed to bolt and get into trouble and or lost.

    Granted the spirit was high, all around us which was adding to the depression with sounds and activity, but it helps to be in the mood which we weren’t, till I threw in the towel and steered him toward the toy shop. That was always Plan B, if all goes wrong buy your way out, but even in the worst case scenario I hadn’t expected it to go so wrong so soon.

    On the way we passed other peoples’ toys, which perked him up …





    Bit of a whine about why we can't get a Bugatti Chiron, then beeline to Nerf, found one that was inexplicably missing from his armoury and I’m forgiven, don’t know what for but no doubt Terry will fill in those details.

    Deal was, it’s his gun so he carries it.



    Till the novelty wore off, then the theatricals, a tantrum, it’s killing me, do you want me to die, you bought it so you must carry it…



    Two minutes in the taxi!

    My cunning plan-20191224_125341-jpg

    Day One over, not yet, ended up noshing at an Israeli restaurant, good grub at fair prices if you like ME, bought some bits to keep him amused, then people watching, now early evening and he's lost somewhere along KSR which kicked in mission meet (at each venue, with reserve numbers and hotel details in his pocket), with perfect timing as we reconnected by the police post just as wifey called for an update.
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails My cunning plan-20191224_125341-jpg  

  23. #98
    Thailand Expat David48atTD's Avatar
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    Mate, thanks for the update ... though I can only see the last image of the 100 you posted up.

    I don't put up with any shite from my kids.

    No means no and yep ... none of them own a Nerf gun.

    But, each to their own and glad you survived the Journey.
    Someone is sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago ...


  24. #99
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    Discipline never was a strong point so he has wider borders than I would like, but he knows where the lava lines are and once these are crossed everything disappears.

    Until recently we were weaning him off guns, swat and war games, though it seems all of his mates are into these boy things, so right or wrong we made that concession.

    Sounds like a disastrous first day; neither of us are used to or expected to end up walking from one store to another in the bkk heat, but what counts is his version which weighed in a winner, as he put it: we had lots of fun suffering together; it was next day we would both agree that started as a disaster.


    Is there an easier way to post pics?

  25. #100
    Excommunicated baldrick's Avatar
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    what is so hard about pics ?

    resize them on your comp - 1024x768 pixels and save as so you keep the original

    then use the pic icon and choose basic uploader - browse to the pic and click on upload

    My cunning plan-screenshot_2019-12-29_12-49-31-png
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails My cunning plan-screenshot_2019-12-29_12-49-31-png  

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