Slap's train tours: One - Fish pie in Pompey

[somtamslap]

I've developed something of an affinity with train travel. It really is the only way to travel; more relaxing than a car or a motorcycle; doesn't demand perpetual physical exertion like cycling; is infinitesimally less terrifying than flying; and doesn't elicit constant nausea a la sailing.

The only way to travel.

In fact, I have been known to use trains just for the sake of the journey - rather than the actual destination. And this first report is a case in point.

The railway. It traverses all that's rustic; only breaching town or city limits when it absolutely must.

Out of the window on this particular trip, the hills of Hampshire undulated with a therapeutic quality; cattle grazed; deer bounded to the secretion of thickets rustling in the autumn breeze; the seasonal rain beat out a steady tattoo on the window pane.

My vessel today, a Class 159 South Western turbo, was empty save a for sedate contingent of the weekend warrior set, snoring softly as they were effortlessly chauffeured from the big smoke after a weekend of being totally appalling individuals.

I, on the other hand, was in remarkably fine fettle after a Saturday evening which largely comprised X Factor viewing and masturbation - so I took a seat and settled in for the ride.

One can partake of a diverse range of pastimes whilst on the train...

You can read:



You can write:



You can get drunk:



And if you have any nous about you, come the cessation of the trip, you should be met by a large body of water - or the sea, if you will...

In which case, hasten to the first venue which looks ripe for a spot of lunch; order a plate of maritime-based fare; preferably having been freshly plucked from the murky depths of the English channel, and feast with wild abandon. The day, after all, has been a roaring success...





Then perhaps a walk along the beach, the scrunch of shale underfoot, the chatter of sea gulls and the fizz of the tide...



Life indeed has the potential to be sweet...

[chassamui]

the fizz of the tide...

It does indeed 'fizz' on the south coast shingle. A very apt description old chum. (I would have made the obvious and remakably dull choice of fish and chips)

[david44]

Is that theSouthsea shingle dump for miniscle gin bottles.

Howver I think you may have found the ideal vocation for an old buffer.

Going Loco? Trainspotting you may have my old anorak we have no further use legless in Leo and tuktuk land.

Pardon me slap is that ChatterNoodle Choo choo



or perhaps Peter Goballs

[david44]

P.S As a clippie on SW Trains can visit Ewell Sutton and such
GWR God's Wonderful Railway will lead you to Bath howvere be advised

It's murder on the Oreint Express

[david44]

the fizz of the tide...

It does indeed 'fizz' on the south coast shingle. A very apt description old chum. (I would have made the obvious and remakably dull choice of fish and chips)

On set of shingles on the groin is common in a city full of discaherged seamen.

The visit Portsmouth conveniences guidebook has been updated and a sample is heading towards your catflap.

CD- ROM Pee Pompey

[somtamslap]

A very apt description old chum

Chars Chaz. I writ it at 7.30am with one eye open and a mouthful of Nescafe, hence I've had to edit out the bagginess.

(I would have made the obvious and remakably dull choice of fish and chips)

As would've I usually - but alas, I had gorged on kebab, chips and chilli sauce the previous evening and chosen the healthier option.

GWR God's Wonderful Railway will lead you to Bath howvere be advised

I still have Asian and European train trips to write up, but yes, I believe a trip to West country beckons in the next few weeks. Perhaps even as far as Wales.

[klong toey]

Sunday spent on the circle line how many circuits in an hour.
Cheap option in the winter saves on heating cost.

[somtamslap]

Cheap option in the winter saves on heating cost.

Not had the heating on yet - I fucking refuse to kowtow tot behest of energy companies. A large jumper should do it, and some tights.

[Bettyboo]

Is that a beach? Really? A beach???

Nowse, do you ever eat without garlic bread? French pooveness...

Trains R great.

[david44]

Sadly the circle no longer loops with all change at Edgware Rd

Circle Line no longer a loop - but is the new design a tadpole, bottle or yo-yo? - Telegraph

[blue]

That's posh for a beach around there.
look at Brighton beach a few miles away

[somtamslap]

Is that a beach? Really? A beach???

You must look at the bigger picture, Besty: the bracing air, the evocative coastal harmony; the lack of shit bouying in the surf...

Trains R great.

Yes, they are Besty.

Here's a British bucket list...

Britain's 10 most scenic rail journeys - in pictures | UK news | The Guardian

[klong toey]

And the smell of weed lots of people collecting seaweed today on our beach.
Could be amateur weather forecasters in the making.

[Fozzy]

a Saturday evening which largely comprised X Factor viewing and masturbation

Amanda Holden?

[somtamslap]

Amanda Holden?

Negative.

We're in Cheryl Whatsherface territory here...

[david44]

And the smell of weed lots of people collecting seaweed today on our beach.
Could be amateur weather forecasters in the making.

Kelp yerself

[thaimeme]

Someone is feeling homesick for Isaan.

I can feel it through the guise.

Best to ya, Slap.

[Bettyboo]

Amanda Holden?

Cheryl Whatsherface

[palexxxx]

That's posh for a beach around there.
look at Brighton beach a few miles away

Whoa, who dumped all that rubble on the sea shore?

[Dillinger]

I always seem to get aroused on trains, did you knock one out in the lav slap ?

[klong toey]

^^Last year our seafront was a hive of police activity blues and twos cars going up and down the seafront road.
Cause of all the commotion,gypsies had shoveled a few tonnes of shingle in to the back of a tip up truck.
Illegal to take shingle from the beach to be honest they should have robbed a bank no one would have taken any notice.

[S Landreth]

I've developed something of an affinity with train travel. It really is the only way to travel; more relaxing than a car or a motorcycle; doesn't demand perpetual physical exertion like cycling; is infinitesimally less terrifying than flying; and doesn't elicit constant nausea a la sailing.

The only way to travel.

And you have something to look forward to.

A train for 2020s-2060s and beyond

[klong toey]

This service is quite close to you Mr Slap if you fancy a change of pace.
Bluebell Railway - 50 years of preserved steam in Sussex, UK

[somtamslap]

did you knock one out in the lav slap ?

It would've been a feckless task. The X Factor saga drained all but the last drop of seminary fluid from the sack.

Anyway, on to a more wholesome topic...

Mr. Landreth, while I appreciate your input, the London underground is far from the rail travel to which I have become endeared. Busy, noisy, odouress, and of course, underground - I'd rather walk, which I invariably do...

This piques my interest though...

A tad dated, but a great look at Australian train travel



I've made my own little doco from London to Amsterdam and back, but my rubbish computer can't stomach the quality.

[somtamslap]

^^ Tis on the list, old chap...