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  1. #1
    Hansum Man! panama hat's Avatar
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    Australia wins first place at World Cup in South Africa . . .

    . . . for utter stupidity.

    'Bloody lucky' Socceroos fan passes out in politician's Johannesburg driveway - believing he was in Cape Town
    June 7, 2010 - 10:33AM

    Jerry Goding
    An Australian backpacker in South Africa for the World Cup passed out drunk in the driveway of a Johannesburg politician under the impression he was in Cape Town.

    Woken after a bitterly cold night on the streets of South Africa's commercial capital, Jerry Goding, 26, was given a cup of coffee, a hot shower and a lecture about looking after himself in one of the world's most dangerous cities.

    "It took a while to wake him up," said Kate Lorimer, a member of the provincial Parliament and opposition spokeswoman on safety and security issues.

    "He must have been absolutely frozen. It was the first really cold night we've had and he was in shorts, a soccer shirt and slops," she said, adding that Mr Goding was under the impression he was in Cape Town, 1450 kilometres away.

    Ms Lorimer said she had warned Mr Goding about the hazards of a country with one of the world's highest rates of violent crime and murder.

    "I gave him a gentle lecture about not doing that sort of thing again," she said. "He was bloody lucky."

    Temperatures in Johannesburg, which is about 1500 metres above sea level, can drop to zero in June at the start of the southern hemisphere winter. They have dipped to about 5 degrees during the night in the past few days.
    Makes ya' proud to be an Aussie!

  2. #2
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    The Muffinman's Avatar
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    Queenslander?

  3. #3
    Thailand Expat AntRobertson's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Muffinman
    Queenslander?
    ...shorts... slops...
    Had to be!

  4. #4
    Excitable Boy
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    He was probably still in shock over the beating his team just took from the US...

  5. #5
    Hansum Man! panama hat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Muffinman
    Queenslander?
    A high percentage that he is . . .

    Quote Originally Posted by AntRobertson
    Had to be!
    Hehe . . . the clues are there . . .

    Quote Originally Posted by FailSafe
    He was probably still in shock over the beating his team just took from the US...
    I doubt he even knows what soccer/football is . . .


    Give him a bit of credit, though, he knew which country he was in!



    (Ah, see Failsafe . . . an Aussie-bashing thread, started by an Aussie and further piss-taking by an Aussie and a wannabe-Aussie sheep-shagger . . . and you! )

  6. #6
    Excitable Boy
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    Hey, now, you have to do better than that to show me up- let's be fair- this thread isn't bashing 'Aussies'- it's bashing an Australian- there's a big difference.

    The fact your team just got trounced was only a bonus.

  7. #7
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    Surprised there was only one of them.

  8. #8
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Wilson
    Surprised there was only one of them.
    \
    The others ended up in South Anerica.

  9. #9
    Member Number 42's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FailSafe View Post
    He was probably still in shock over the beating his team just took from the US...

    Don't be silly.

    I thought even you yanks knew that frendlies don't mean diddly squat!

    To be honest though, I don't think Oz will do as good as they did in the last WC..

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Muffinman View Post
    Queenslander?
    He is described as a "living legend" by the team he plays for - the Townsville Warriors.

  11. #11
    Hansum Man! panama hat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    The others ended up in South Anerica.
    I can't find South Anerica on a map

    Quote Originally Posted by FailSafe
    Hey, now, you have to do better than that to show me up- let's be fair- this thread isn't bashing 'Aussies'- it's bashing an Australian- there's a big difference.
    Nah, he is a standard bearer for the whole of Awe-strucken-failya!

    Quote Originally Posted by FailSafe
    The fact your team just got trounced was only a bonus.
    hehe, read this from our non-parochial press:


    Socceroos won't panic after star spangled drama

    MICHAEL LYNCH
    June 7, 2010


    JOHANNESBURG: The phoney war of tournament friendlies and warm-up games is over, and the next seven days will show if the Australian ''master plan'' will give Pim Verbeek's side a chance of pulling off a major World Cup upset by beating Germany in their opening game in Durban this weekend.

    Verbeek and his key players, not surprisingly, chose to look forward to the Germany game rather than dwell on the 3-1 loss to the USA in their final shakedown on Saturday, a match in which Australia, by its own admission, did not play as well as it could.

    Too often the Socceroos turned the ball over in the centre of the park, and while they created some decent chances, they also allowed the pacey American forwards to generate even more at the other end.

    The issue remains: if Tim Cahill - who got the Socceroos' equaliser against the US - doesn't score, there look to be few alternatives. Cahill sent a scare through the camp when he was forced to leave the field at half-time after injuring his neck, but FFA bosses sought on Sunday to alleviate any concerns.

    ''Scans have cleared him of any serious injuries,'' an FFA spokesman said, although the Everton frontman will be monitored closely. Australia have suffered a series of injury problems in the tournament lead-up to and any problem with Cahill, no matter how small, would be a cause for consternation.

    Captain Lucas Neill said there were positives, but was candid in his verdict that Australia did not deserve to win against the Americans.

    He did use the fact that the team had had two hard training sessions in the two days before the match - something they would not have done normally - as a mitigating factor, but not as an excuse.

    He preferred to see the game as part of Verbeek's master plan to have the team peaking at the right time - when the Cup starts this weekend.

    ''There's a bigger picture,'' Neill said. ''We have been working very hard this week. It's an international, no one likes to lose, so we are all very disappointed. They got an early goal [after Vince Grella lost the ball to give Edson Buddle the chance to drive past Mark Schwarzer] and it put us straight on the back foot.

    ''As a result we had to try and grind out a performance with probably not enough petrol in the tank.

    ''We had a few chances, they had a few. Let's not kid ourselves. We deserved to lose today. But no one is panicking because next week is the one that we were always aiming to be right for. According to the master plan we have ticked all the right boxes leading up to Germany and that's what's going to count. If next week we give a performance like that then we will have to look at ourselves and say we have done something wrong, but at this time we are still very positive.''

    Verbeek too was not panicking after the Socceroos first loss in nine months, arguing that such a tough, competitive hit out was exactly what they needed before coming up against the top-quality Germans. Verbeek said he had given the squad a heavy workload before the USA match and planned to give them a break before starting preparations on Tuesday to make them sharper for the Germany game.

    ''We never like to lose,'' he said. ''We got enough chances to score goals. For the first hour I think both teams were well organised. It opened up in the last 25 minutes as they got more tired. My players are all fit. We had to work very hard, it was a tough game.''

    The coach said there was still plenty to work on. ''Our organisation was not good sometimes. The first goal was a present. The second goal was a bit of a strange ball from the right side. I couldn't see if it was a ball for Schwarzer, Moorey or Wilkshire on the back post, but this is altitude, you never know how the ball is coming. I have always said you will get some surprising goals, and that was one of them probably.''

    He does not believe the loss has dented Australia's confidence.

    Star frontman Harry Kewell did not make an appearance with Verbeek preferring to give him more time to get over his groin injury.

    ''I was thinking of bringing him in during the game … but I thought it was better to let him train after the game. We still have eight days to go and that [training] was better than playing in a tough game like this. ''

    Veteran Scott Chipperfield said their was plenty of room for improvement withing the side. ''We need to keep the ball a lot better and make the other teams work hard,'' he said.
    Socceroos won't panic after star spangled drama

  12. #12
    Hansum Man! panama hat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FailSafe
    Hey, now, you have to do better than that to show me up- let's be fair- this thread isn't bashing 'Aussies'- it's bashing an Australian- there's a big difference.
    And my Aussie PM bashing thread!

  13. #13
    Excitable Boy
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    Quote Originally Posted by Number 42 View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by FailSafe View Post
    He was probably still in shock over the beating his team just took from the US...

    Don't be silly.

    I thought even you yanks knew that frendlies don't mean diddly squat!

    To be honest though, I don't think Oz will do as good as they did in the last WC..
    For your information, we Yanks don't even know what 'friendly' means in relation to a soccer/football match- does it mean the teams don't beat the crap out of each other afterward and instead go out for beers together? Sounds boring...
    There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
    HST

  14. #14
    Excitable Boy
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    Quote Originally Posted by panama hat View Post
    hehe, read this from our non-parochial press:
    Oh no! Does this mean we won't win the soccer portion of the World Cup? Well, I'm sure we'll win a few medals in some of the other events...

  15. #15
    Hansum Man! panama hat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FailSafe
    Oh no! Does this mean we won't win the soccer portion of the World Cup? Well, I'm sure we'll win a few medals in some of the other events...
    Geez . . . there is only one event . . .

    I've yet to meet anyone who thinks Australia will make it past the first round, but it will be fun trying. That's the advantage of not having high expectations, you are seldom disappointed

  16. #16
    Excitable Boy
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    Quote Originally Posted by panama hat View Post
    Geez . . . there is only one event . . .
    WHAT! You mean all this fuss is over soccer??? It's not like it's baseball or anything...

  17. #17
    Hansum Man! panama hat's Avatar
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    Nope, not rounders . . . nor netball . . . nor padded sissy-rugby . . .

    Football, the one played with feet 99% of the time.

  18. #18
    Excitable Boy
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    Quote Originally Posted by panama hat View Post
    padded sissy-rugby . . .
    Hehe- ever put those pads on? I was a skinny second-string wide receiver on my high school team and used to get the living crap knocked out of me by measly 180-pound defensive backs- the guys in the NFL wear 'em as otherwise the game would only last a couple of plays before everybody went to the hospital.

    Rugby is a tough man's game, no doubt, but it ain't (real) football.

  19. #19
    Hansum Man! panama hat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FailSafe
    Rugby is a tough man's game, no doubt, but it ain't (real) football.
    Now I know you're taking the piss . . .

    I never played padded sissy-rugby, but i did play ice hockey in Detroit for a few years . . . we were mean six-year olds and I have the scars to prove it . . . well, ok . . . the scars were from falling out of trees, tumbling off my bicycle at my school in Grosse Pointe and a wicked scar from dodgeball where Lloyd MacEacheren got me square on then nose and I whacked my head against the wall.

    You want a real he-man sport? Dodgeball!

  20. #20
    Excitable Boy
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    Hockey is generally neutered (no checking, i.e.) until kids are in their teens- it's a pretty rough sport, though, when played all-out.

    Real football ain't for everybody- a man's gotta know his limitations.

    In the States, dodge-ball separates the weaker members of the herd from the stronger ones (many school districts ban it entirely these days)- I used to love that game...

  21. #21
    Hansum Man! panama hat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FailSafe
    In the States, dodge-ball separates the weaker members of the herd from the stronger ones (many school districts ban it entirely these days)- I used to love that game...
    I bet I have more dodge-ball scars than you!

  22. #22
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by panama hat View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    The others ended up in South Anerica.
    I can't find South Anerica on a map
    Damn. It's south of Canadia, and contains a large set of hills called the Handies. And it is full of lost Ozzies.

  23. #23
    Excitable Boy
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    Quote Originally Posted by panama hat View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by FailSafe
    In the States, dodge-ball separates the weaker members of the herd from the stronger ones (many school districts ban it entirely these days)- I used to love that game...
    I bet I have more dodge-ball scars than you!
    Yeah, well, we played with a bowling ball- none of that wimpy volleyball stuff for us tough kids from Brooklyn.

  24. #24
    Hansum Man! panama hat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    And it is full of lost Ozzies.
    Pissed out of their skulls trying to find the football stadium in Stellenbosch no doubt

    Quote Originally Posted by AntRobertson
    Not the only way though:
    You know what they say: Uppitty! Drag them back into reality. Equality?

    Quote Originally Posted by FailSafe
    If you had spent fewer hours at the doughnut shop, you might have had a better chance at catching a few of 'em.


    Quote Originally Posted by FailSafe
    Yeah, well, we played with
    a bowling ball- none of that wimpy volleyball stuff for us tough kids from Brooklyn.
    Bowling balls, eh? Well, we . . umm . . . threw really hard!

  25. #25
    Cenosillicaphobiac
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    Quote Originally Posted by FailSafe
    Yeah, well, we played with a bowling ball- none of that wimpy volleyball stuff for us tough kids from Brooklyn.
    We used live hand grenades. Well, we did, until the semi-finals. Then we used H-bombs.

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