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  1. #1
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    Advice on what to dowith a women basher

    Hi
    I'm currently out of Thailand at the moment but have just found out from very reliable sources that a close friend ; a Thai lady that I've known for about 15 years; has been beaten up several times by her English partner. They are not married but have a 11 year old child together. The child has witnessed some of the attacks on her mother. He has now left them basically leaving them broke. I have suggested that she needs to go to the local police and register these attacks and give his details and hopefully get him arrested next time he leaves or arrives in Thailand. She is reluctant to do this as he is the father of child. I've told her that it is beyond this. Does anyone know where she can get cheep legal advice and if this bastard has to legally pay regular support to this child? I suppose she needs to head to the British consulate as a starting point. Any other advise would be appreciated.
    Cheers

  2. #2
    The Fool on the Hill bowie's Avatar
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    Sledge - a very complex situation involving several issues. Assault, Domestic Abuse, Child Support, Foreign Person, and add a great many variations to the mix. Only a Thai Attorney can provide any formal legal advice.

    Unfortunately, the scenario you are describing is not "rare", I won't say it is commonplace but, it is definitely not a rare situation that will generate much sympathy. Issues, proof of fatherhood, and, proof of assault.

    First off, commonsense, if she has no intention of pressing assault charges, then "not an issue" and of no bearing on the case.

    So, just how can she "prove" parenthood - if she can find a method of "proving" in a court of law that he is indeed the father - she can pursue suing for child support.

    Perhaps there as some folks on this website who may know of "similar" cases and success, or lack there of, in pursuing "child support" but...

    You get what you pay for and free legal advice from a website, well, you get the drift.

    I know of several abandoned luek krueng children - absolutely no help from their fathers, or their fathers embassies. However, talk is cheap and there is nothing wrong with "inquiring", she has to do it, you pursuing justice for a friend - well, have at it if it makes you feel good, but...

    The only advice I would give the woman is to consult with a licensed Thai Attorney (or two, or three) and preferably one with experience in international law, and get their opinion concerning the child's options.

    Good luck - but, it is entirely up to her.

  3. #3
    Days Work Done! Norton's Avatar
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    Where is she located? May have a bearing on where she seeks heip.

  4. #4
    Days Work Done! Norton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bowie View Post
    it is entirely up to her.
    As in your post, that's the bottom line.

  5. #5
    Custom user Neverna's Avatar
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    She's broke so I doubt she has money for legal fees. Best get a job and get on with her life without him, surely better than getting involved in a legal dispute that might not actually be of any benefit to the woman or child.

  6. #6
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    Only a Thai Attorney can provide any formal legal advice.
    formal thai legal advice is the last thing she needs.

    it is doubtful a man like that is ever going to support her financially, so she should ask her cousins and brothers to have a quiet "word " with him next time he shows up.

  7. #7
    Pedantic bastard
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    There is not a lot, but a couple of places to start maybe:

    APSW

    There is also the Paveena foundation, (mostly sex trafficking etc, but also deal with abused women)

  8. #8
    Thailand Expat David48atTD's Avatar
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    Me?

    Do nothing, it's none of your business.


    You are dealing with 'hearsay' evidence ... 'from very reliable sources that a close friend'.

    If the lady in question was 'a close friend' she would seek advice from you.

    If the husband was Thai, would you also feel the compulsion to interfere? Probably not.

    She has made the judgement that her current situation is superior to the situation you are suggesting, even if that is in conflict with your moral compass.

    As Bowie suggests ...

    Quote Originally Posted by bowie View Post
    Good luck - but, it is entirely up to her.
    White Knighting perceived moral causes based on a Western upbringing doesn't usually go well in Thailand.

    ---

    BTW, I'm expected to be called the most immoral, uncaring bastard of a member here ... meh

    “Someone is sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago”

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  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by David48atTD View Post

    If she didn't have a great arse, would you still feel the compulsion to interfere? Probably not.

    FTFY.

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    Of course one should be compassionate, but at the same time it's very hard to know what really happened in these situations; especially from 3rd hand sources.

    There are legal support mechanisms in Thailand; many folks (Thais) on the Panthip forum have a lot of knowledge - that's a starting point for her. Any experience my wife has had with Thai police or Thai lawyers has ended with them fuking her over and costing us money, so that'd be the last place I'd venture personally...
    How do I post these pictures???

  11. #11
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    ...... as i have already said, if this meathead is indeed gaslighting her, and it sounds as if he is, and behaving violently, then her male relatives will sort it out in a heartbeat.

    its the thai way. and in this case the thai way is perfectly fit for purpose.

    violent bullies are at heart nothing but cowards, and a few missing teeth and a broken leg should be all that it takes to remove him from her life.

  12. #12
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    DNA proof of parenthood takes about a month and costs about 3,000 if memory serves. This assumes, of course that she can a sample of the blokes DNA.
    Proof of parent hood will be essential if she's going to take it further.

    As Norton said, her location could make a difference in the support she may or may not get.

    If there are reliable witnesses to the assaults I can't see any reason why she shouldn't go to the cops. She's got nothing to lose if the bloke has already deserted her and is providing no support.

    Unless the child has a Brit. passport I doubt the consulate would be of any help whatsoever.

    NGOs or other such groups would be a far better bet than Lawyers.

    Alternatively there's always the UK media.

    But, as previously mentioned, the family may well be the way to go if they can find the bastard.
    42

  13. #13
    The Fool on the Hill bowie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by David48atTD View Post
    White Knighting perceived moral causes based on a Western upbringing doesn't usually go well in Thailand.
    Bingo on that.

  14. #14
    Thailand Expat David48atTD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by crackerjack101 View Post
    DNA proof of parenthood takes about a month and costs about 3,000 if memory serves. This assumes, of course that she can a sample of the blokes DNA.
    Proof of parent hood will be essential if she's going to take it further.
    Also, from memory, the child in question has to be aged 6yo (or older).

    Bit vague on that TBH

  15. #15
    The Fool on the Hill bowie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bettyboo View Post
    had with Thai police or Thai lawyers has ended with
    Thai Lawyers - this goes for any countries lawyer/Attorney/Solicitor. We the civilians have garnered the perception that you/we/I pay an Attorney to "fix" the law. In truth, an Attorney is a highly paid specialist trained in a countries laws who can only advise you of the specific details of a countries legalities.

    Your hire a lawyer to "advise" you. They do not change the law. They can only advise you of your rights and the possibility of your actions. You hire them to advise you and "advocate" your cause in a court of law.

    Whenever you enter a court of law you need professional advice from a trusted and educated source. You pay an Attorney to provide you their opinion on how best to proceed with your court case.

    They cannot, and will not, change the countries laws to suit your requirements. Much as we'd like that to be the case.

  16. #16
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    ^ Not sure he is saying that. There are a huge number of cases whereby the Thai lawyer has screwed the client over big time - especially when the client is a farang.

    Or just maybe the farang cases get better reported. No idea.

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by nidhogg View Post
    ^ Not sure he is saying that. There are a huge number of cases whereby the Thai lawyer has screwed the client over big time - especially when the client is a farang.

    Or just maybe the farang cases get better reported. No idea.
    You are right, Sir.

    We had a land dispute, we were in the right, won the first two layers of court cases, as the third and final one was approaching, me and the wife out of the country, our lawyer turns up and gets the FiL to sign a document giving up all rights and claims to the land; 'our' lawyer had been bribed by the other party who were the family of a Dem MP... Standard practice in Thailand (and many other countries too). BTW, this lawyer was a high ranking 'professional', very well known (I can't add specific details...) and expensive...

    In this case, the lawyer did not know a foreigner was involved, and was very happy to take 100,000 baht in payment from a poor country farmer and fuk him over on the land... Initial complaints on our side were met by the local police bigwig turning up, with some thugs not in uniform, making threats... We later found out that the new police station staff building had been funded by the people we had the land dispute with... Welcome to Thailand.

    Folks who bring their own ideas/ideologies into Thailand and try to protect their 'rights' simply do not understand that the Thai legal system and police are a mafia organization set up to make profit for themselves and the 'elites' at the expense of the masses.
    Last edited by Bettyboo; 15-08-2019 at 04:44 PM.

  18. #18
    The Fool on the Hill bowie's Avatar
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    betty - I did not quote your post to take exception to your statement.

    Lawyers are naught more than advisors - I worked with quite a few, and, as in any profession there are bad apples.

    People in general feel that they are paying a lawyer to change the law to fit their situation and to their advantage. Lawyers are only advisors.

    In the case you have reported - the documentation is there.

  19. #19
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    ^ yeah, no problem, and I see your point.

    I've just had experience where supposedly a top-tier lawyer has worked corruptly with the local police and a powerful local family to trick the FiL into giving up land rights. Thus, I don't have a lot of time for lawyers, police or MPs in Thailand.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by sledge View Post
    Any other advise would be appreciated.
    Quote Originally Posted by sledge View Post
    just found out from very reliable sources that a close friend ; a Thai lady that I've known for about 15 years; has been beaten up several times by her English partner.

    He has now left them basically leaving them broke.

    She is reluctant to do this as he is the father of child.

    This bastard has to legally pay regular support to this child?

    Cheers
    Advice 1

    A Thai lady "friend" has a "friend" whose husband is "no good" and is looking for a replacement meal ticket

    The friend has a child

    Many Thai books available on the subject, some written by felangs who can also act as "councillors" to conclude a deal

    See Chapter 11, "Assistance We Can Provide" with illustrative % of settlement fee schedule

    *************************************************

    New addition out September 2019

    200THB

    "How to Catch a Gullible Felang",

    *************************************************

    Chapter 1

    Felangs have different string to pull, choose just one to pull occasionally and become:

    1 A lady of leisure,
    2 Obtain and new concrete house, in your name
    3 Obtain a new pickup, in your name
    4 Sell your papa's farm, again, in your name again, for a Thai fortune
    5 Your felang will pay for a new worker/Gik every six months, because the old one is no good

    Contact us now at :

    www, thai-fortune-hunters, com

    or

    Alternate options;

    You, as a personal friend of 15 years standing, cannot go to the police yourself to make a complaint?

    You, as a personal friend of 15 years standing, are not obliged to name and shame this friend's husband in any media to warn others off?

    You as a personal friend of 15 years standing, cannot organise a posse to "illustrate" how your felang friend (of xxx years), the error of his ways and suggest a solution to him, that he cannot refuse?

    Options you can yourself do, not let others accept responsibility for any consequences and possibly forever have no worries on meeting the increasing "fees" to remain in Thailand
    Last edited by OhOh; 16-08-2019 at 02:24 PM.
    A tray full of GOLD is not worth a moment in time.

  21. #21
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    Thanks for your comments.The child has a Uk passport and the fathers name is on birth certificate . She knows what I feel that should be done but she wants to leave as is for now. An uncle is keen to track down the bastard so i'll just have to wait and see how it all pans out. Cheers

  22. #22
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    Mind your own business. You're not a cop or a judge.

  23. #23
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    Exactly so.

    A female close friend gets beaten up and is at risk of being beaten again so the first thought that comes to mind should be 'nah, not my problem'.

    Top work there fellow human being.
    That's the sort of world we should be living in.
    Last edited by docmartin; 23-08-2019 at 01:58 PM.

  24. #24
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by docmartin View Post
    Exactly so.

    A female close friend gets beaten up and is at risk of being beaten again so the first thought that comes to mind should be 'nah, not my problem'.

    Top work there fellow human being.
    That's the sort of world we should be living in.
    Are you sure the 'right' thing to do is get involved? Would that be in this particular case or all cases or do you feel more righteous with virtue signals?

    How would you do it? Legally, with advice or help through the courts and system, a baseball bat, offer the alleged victim sanctuary, maybe your bed, what about the one next door and those down the road, will you get involved there as well, do you have limits, what if the fcuker turns on you, will you off him, what if it's her beating him up and he finally retaliated...?

    Best you can do is give the victim impartial advice, and if he/she doesn't take it then back off and get on with your life. As the man said, you're not a cop or a judge.

  25. #25
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    It's got nothing to do with virtue signalling.
    What it's about is defending the weak. You either do it or you don't.

    I'm not suggesting posses and baseball bats but I am saying that washing one's hands of it is pathetic.
    Obviously you can't know what's happened if you weren't there but a judgement about one's response to the story has to be made, and any responses should be measured and appropriate. Whatever that is.

    If a close friend has a problem and you don't try to help then you're a loser.
    I might be an old fart but a 'man' walking away from a distressed woman is pretty low.

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