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more drunken rantings from that tsicar idiot

so i went to the pub this afternoon and got home too fucked up to make any sense out of anything i tried to say, but not pissed enough to do the respectable thing (pass out and shutdafukupp.), so i thunk i might share this little thai experience with anybody out there who went to the pub today and didnt manage to pull anything either and they were all fukkin dogs anyway and fukkem if they thought i was just another drunken dirty old man i will wait till i get back to thailand where drunken dirty old men still seem to have rights to pussy that weighs less than my car even if i have to make as if i have money to get that far.

now if anybody who started reading this only kept going coz they thunk the thread was about sex, they can fukkoff now coz i already sed i was too drunk and they were all dogs and this is about a bustrip and thai immigration and cheap accommodation and drinking and shit:

i realised i was in big shit shortly after i burned all my bridges, packed it all in and moved to thailand. well, the details of the split with my wife and all the other boring shit would read about the same as the thousands of posts by all the other dummies who took the plunge, exited the ratrace and decided to opt for a more peacefull,less materialistic lifestyle in good old land of smiles (!), so i will leave most of that out. this post is about a bus trip ferfukksake, so let's get on with it.

i was stuck in a small village in isaan where , at the time thare was nobody who spoke english, and the bitch thunk she had me by the balls and started trying it on about the money and buying gold and investing in the buffalo and shit and she thunk she had the upper hand coz i didnt even know where i was and the whole village was on her side coz they thunk they were in for a piece of the money which didnt exist anyway but they thought so coz she bragged about it to gain face and she was drunk most of the time and they knew they could con her out of it once she got it coz she had less than the average two braincells of the average isaan genius.
i gave her an ultimatum and we had oral sex.("fuck you", she sed , and i sed "fuck you too") and that was that and i walked out, but i had overstayed my visa by about three months coz she lied to me about renewing it and i didnt know how to do it or how to get there or where to go or how to even get out of the fukkin village and yes, i am a stupid bastard and i know it so dont even bother to say so.

well, there was a little girl in the village who had the hots for me and she figured if she helped me she would get some of the money and she managed to get it through to me that the wife was trying to get me deported so she would get the money and the kids and the house after she got rid of me and she sed i must go to bankok and fix my visa and that is how it all started.(the bus trip which is almost the topic of this thread, i mean)

well, i had never caught a bus in my life before, never mind in thailand, but i manage to hitch a lift to the nearest bus station, 30km away, and i meet up with two farangs- the first i have seen in three months! they seemed to know their way around even tho they did not speak thai and i couldn't believe my luck! they knew all about visas, too, and allayed my fears about being deported by telling me i am in big shit and will probably be deported!
anyway, somewhere i had read that if you overstayed your visa and were caught, you would be deported, but that if you handed yourself in there was a chance you could pay the fine and renew your visa. i clung to this, my last hope and bought myself a dozen cans of beer at the bus station to cheer me up on the trip.

i found out that public transport is easy and cheap in thailand. just shout :"bankok!" and someone will help you get a ticket at not much more than twice the going rate and in about an hour we board the bus.

now i wanted to kill two birds with one stone, and planned to see a lawyer in bankok about getting a divorce and custody and stuff and i realised i would need a couple of days to achieve all this and funds had all but dried up so i asked albert, a teacher (he told me so i had no reason to disbelieve him) and he sed he knows a great place and he always stays there when he is in bankok and it is clean and has a toilet and it is only 70thb a night and i cant believe my luck and he sez he is staying there and so i feel a bit better and the bus pulls off and i crack the third can of beer and off we go.
well, the trip is going well. the bus is clean and air-conditioned, and i take advantage of the empty seat beside me to compensate for the lack of legroom and soon can number 7 is half empty and i need to pee.

i notice the toilet door is still closed, and keep an eye on it, hoping it will open soon and it doesn't and i am fukkin bursting. i hold out for another ten minutes and contemplate just hanging it all out and pissing on the floor and then all the memories of my first day at school come flooding back and i decide to try hold it in another couple of minutes .

it really is impossible now to hang on any longer, and i curse myself for having waited this long for somebody to come out of an obviously vacant toilet, and i stumble to the back of the bus and rip the door open.
well, now i know all males will know the feeling. you can hold on for a long time, but when you finally get to the urinal, or to that cubicle door, there is a split second to get your fly down coz your bladder is now in control, and there is nothing you can do at this stage, but pee!
well i barge into the dark, cupboard like cubicle and fall over the startled standby bus driver, rudely awakened from his nap in his "bedroom" by a drunk farang with his dick in his hand.
i dont know who got the bigger fright, and i really do not know whether i pissed on the poor guy or not, but by the look on his face, and the fact that i didn't need to pee anymore, i may well have.
the bus stopped later that night and i managed to relieve myself of whatever was left, and i made a mental note that drinking beer on a bus with no crapper is not a good idea.

anyway, since this post was about a bus trip, i will end it there, but let me just add that old albert's 7o thb/night accommodation turned out to be tha shithole you all could have warned me about; the lawyer was a fake and a cheat. i got nailed outside the immigration by an overzealous policeman who wanted to see my passport( before i got it fixed- shat myself, but did some fast talking and got away with it) immigration gave me 7 days to leave thailand after relieving me of about 15000thb for overstay, and the bus trip back turned out to be an even bigger nightmare, even tho i took the precaution of not drinking !

i was not back in the village for more than half an hour before the bloody cops were there to check my visa, so i won and i learned something and the bus trip was worth it and i have done many more bus trips since and i will never ever again listen to a farang teacher's accommodation advice
goodnight ..............hic

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