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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    A Saturday afternoon angling adventure (with video)

    An afternoon of relaxation and tranquillity had been arranged.

    Reading, eating and drinking had been taken care of...



    A delightful swim had been located...



    Interesting flora and fauna were present in abundance...



    An ill-weighted float bobbed hypnotically on wavelets...



    The occasional city-bound train rhythmically rattled passed in the distance...



    Several marvellous hours of fishing were set to commence...




    ...then this happened.





  • #2
    R.I.P.
    patsycat's Avatar
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    It was probably guarding it's nest. I hope you didn't stand on the eggs. Then you would probs have both legs broken and Godfrey his neck.

  • #3
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    Clever of you to take tuna sandwiches. In over forty years of angling in lakes, rivers and sea I only had cheese and tomato . Kraft cheeses, never anything else, but I had a flask of soup in winter, always oxtail. Then I got married and never fished again.

    Anybody want to buy a Hardy fly rod and reel ?

  • #4
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    Evil b'stards them swans, the Poles had it right...dinner.

    A mate of mine actually caught one pissed up and held it like a chicken and that's all I can remember of the story.

    Did you catch anything then?

  • #5
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by patsycat
    It was probably guarding it's nest.
    No nest present, Pats. It was just being a fucking hooligan.
    Quote Originally Posted by can123
    Then I got married and never fished again.
    Mrs and kids back in Thailand for a few weeks. My time to shine...

  • #6
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chittychangchang
    Did you catch anything then?
    Not even a nibble. That fucking swan put me off my game.

  • #7
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    Bruce Robison the same author off withnail and I, very funny film.

    I suppose you had to abandon the book due to the swan.

  • #8
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    Ya bloody well haven't finished yer glamping thread with Godders yet.

  • #9
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chittychangchang
    I suppose you had to abandon the book due to the swan.
    I had to abandon everything due to that big white fuck.

    We'll have another crack on the morrow.

  • #10
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    A fishing trip without beer....

  • #11
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kingwilly
    Ya bloody well haven't finished yer glamping thread with Godders yet.
    Balls to Godders. I've just been traumatised by a big thing with feathers and beak... and massive, *massive* feet.

  • #12
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    I have of late, but wherefore I know not, lost all my mirth. And indeed it goes so heavily with my disposition that this goodly frame, the earth, seems to me a sterile promontory. This most excellent canopy, the air, look you, this brave o'erhanging firmament, this majestical roof fretted with golden fire, why, it appeareth nothing to me but a foul and pestilent congregation of vapours. What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason! How infinite in faculties! How like an angel in apprehension. How like a god! The beauty of the world! The paragon of animals! And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust? Man delights not me, no, nor swans neither. Nor swans neither.

    Swans despise deep heat! So may I suggest one smears ones self generously with said cream to avoid any future altercations.

  • #13
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    How do you know that?

  • #14
    disturbance in the Turnip baldrick's Avatar
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    the old biddy in the big house on the corner is pissed off with you


    Is it true that all mute swans in the UK are owned by the Queen?

    Yes, she has the prerogative right of ownership for all the mute swans in England and Wales.
    maybe get some capsicum spray

    Yes, and prosecutions are becoming more commonplace now that conviction precedents have been set. It is also a criminal offence to interfere with nesting swans in any way - they cannot be moved if the location of the nest is inconvenient for whatever reason.
    Frequently Asked Questions about Swans

    they sound like just another decorative animal - lacquer the fcukers

  • #15
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    That'll teach you for drinking diet coke and using tuna sarnies for bait.

  • #16
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    "twas looking for cygnet rings, I'll wager.

  • #17
    On a walkabout
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    I bet you wouldn't be walking in the tall grass back here in Thailand Slapper.

    Fishing is not about catching fish.

    It's about relaxing in nature without that white marauder.

    Take your sling shot with you in the morrow.

  • #18
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    Try as I might I cannot find a man vs wild swans episode.


  • #19
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    Wouldn't be the first time a man's ran away from a big white angry bird.

  • #20
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    Haha. You're on a roll this morning, Kurgen. Another green owed until the software let's me.

  • #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kurgen View Post
    Wouldn't be the first time a man's ran away from a big white angry bird.
    To be fair colour and size is irrelevant, a smart bloke will run away from a small angry white bird, a large angry black girl, or a small angry Asian girl as quickly as he would run away from a large angry white bird.

  • #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by kingwilly
    Haha. You're on a roll this morning, Kurgen.
    Sunday morning and no hangover, weird!

    I even went for 20k cycle ride at 8 am for the 2nd time this week (3rd time this year)

  • #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kurgen
    That'll teach you for drinking diet coke and using tuna sarnies for bait.
    The other swan stole the tuna sandwich while Fisherman Slaps was being chased off; they left the diet cokes though... They'll probably choke on the plastic wrapper and Fisherman Slaps will get a jail sentence. On the upside, once in the nic, Penman Slaps can write about Bubba, four men in a bed and non-lubricated anal fisting.
    How do I post these pictures???

  • #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bettyboo
    Bubba, four men in a bed and non-lubricated anal fisting.
    Phaaaarken 'ell. I woulda thought a thread about failed fishing would be immune to homoerotic innuendo. Turns out I was wrong.

  • #25
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    One man's fishing story is another man's homoerotica, as they say...

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