From London to the Lakes: Slap's Virgin Rail fail

[somtamslap]

Why (oh fucking why) is the underground busy on a Wednesday afternoon?

I was looking forward to a clear run to Euston, but no. Upon alighting at Victoria I was immediately sucked into a deluge of luggage and briefcases and recalcitrant tourist types wielding selfie sticks and bad manners.

"Remove yourself from my path, Mr (reads suitcase label) Chad Henshaw from Arkansas, or I shall introduce you to an interesting British cultural nuance called 'being punched in the fucking head by an irate fat person'. MOVE!"

After tripping over some Japanese people, I eventually made it down to the tube station and a couple of stops later arrived in Euston.

"There are delays between here and Milton Keynes" came the soulless twang of the automated announcer.

Delays. My absolute fucking favourite.

I love paying an extortionate amount of cash to wait around for hours in amid the travelling collective - most of whom exude a potent and odious waft of musky body odour, and, yes, urine.

Much time elapses before we are hustled inhumanely - like a herd of animals - to our train which purrs impatiently at platform 10.

I've been looking forward to this trip for some time. From south to north - a steady tack out of London and the suburbs, gathering pace through Oxfordshire, blazing a trail at full tilt through the Midlands, and skirting the Dales before the journeys' culmination in Penrith, Cumbria. Three hours taking in England's eclectic landscapes while perhaps enjoying a coffee or a beer or two. Perfect. My ideal afternoon.

However, the stars had aligned today, my destiny had already been mapped out. I would be travelling north in extremely unfavourable conditions.

They came in the form of a little boy and his grandmother, and together they conspired to push me deep into nervous breakdown territory.

Here they can be seen towards the left of the picture. My seat was directly behind them.



He commenced proceedings by turning around and shouting "you can't get me" through the chair partition. I agreed. But this didn't wash with little Angus (for the boy was Scottish). It seemed that Angus was intent on eliciting a violent reaction from me, and after throwing a few punches, closing my window shutter, blowing raspberries and other assorted irritating behaviour - all of which went unpunished by Agnes(for his grandmother was also Scottish) - he was very close to getting his wish.

I quickly made a decision to repair to the vestibule where beer was happily abundant. I then made a decision to drink said beer and lurk by the bog for the rest of the journey so as to avoid succumbing to the wrath of Angus and Agnes.

According to my map this is just outside of Stoke.



Once I'd reached my destination I made for the pub where Cumbrian sausage and ale quickly became en vogue...

[palexxxx]

^ Now, they're real chips. Not those pathetic french fries that the yanks try to push onto us.

[Cujo]

That looks like a tasty little snack. What a bloody awesome thing to do.

[boloa]

Bampton Grange ???

[klong toey]

Oh woe is Mr Slap he is pineing for SRT 3rd class. Bit more sophisticated then any class on a virgin train.

[somtamslap]

^ Now, they're real chips.

Cooked in lard, no less.

That looks like a tasty little snack.

Cumberland sausage in Cumbria. The international eating tour continues...

Bampton Grange ???

Yes. The only pub in Bampton Grange. Have you been?

Bit more sophisticated then any class on a virgin train.

Not sure about sophisticated but most certainly a fuck load cheaper. In fact, I believe the Isaan Express is free.

[Bogon]

I think you may have captured a rare picture of a ghost in this pic?

Third row on the right, sitting next to the old hippy dude.

Creepy or what!



Top thread as per...

[kingwilly]

Making me feel like packing it all in and moving to England.

[mingmong]

/\ looks like the Bint from Fleetwood Mack!

[beerlaodrinker]

Yep, fuk living in Lao I'm immigrating to Cumbria, just for those chips and snaggers (Aussie speak for sausages , for the uncultured)

[Cujo]

Yep, fuk living in Lao I'm immigrating to Cumbria, just for those chips and snaggers (Aussie speak for sausages , for the uncultured)

What the fuck are you on about? Your a fucking import aren't you.
SNAGS not snaggers.

[somtamslap]

Indeed the Lakes boast some truly majestic vistas - easy on the eye and incredibly atmospheric...

[Luigi]

I think you may have captured a rare picture of a ghost in this pic?

Third row on the right, sitting next to the old hippy dude.

Creepy or what!

I thought it was Courtney Love.

[barrylad66]

Yep, fuk living in Lao I'm immigrating to Cumbria, just for those chips and snaggers (Aussie speak for sausages , for the uncultured)

What the fuck are you on about? Your a fucking import aren't you.
SNAGS not snaggers.

no, their bangers

[wasabi]

I like the Avocado to the left of the roll.

[somtamslap]

^ It's a bit of ruddy cucumber.

To us southerners, these dry stone walls - which are EVERYWHERE - provoke two questions, namely: How and why?

[grasshopper]

Yep, fuk living in Lao I'm immigrating to Cumbria, just for those chips and snaggers (Aussie speak for sausages , for the uncultured)

What the fuck are you on about? Your a fucking import aren't you.
SNAGS not snaggers.

no, their bangers

Nup to all! Mystery bags they be!

[VocalNeal]

To us southerners, these dry stone walls - which are EVERYWHERE - provoke two questions, namely: How and why?

Lots of loose stones lying around. Cornwall has stone walls as well!

Check the water when you shower you might find traces of Donald Campbell?

[ltnt]

^^^Farmers collect the rock while tiling. Use them for marking their property lines. Same the world over...except in Scotland where the Romans built stone walls to stop the Barbarians from the north....

[VocalNeal]

except in Scotland where the Romans built stone walls to stop the Barbarians from the north....

As my Scottish friend would say. The Romans didn't build the wall they told the English to build it for them.

[harrybarracuda]

I see you had a couple of druids on the train as well, but I suppose that's to be expected at this time of year.

Either that or they were answering a casting call for The Hobbit 3.

[withnallstoke]

Come on Slap, 'fess up.

Did you nail the sweaty granny?

[Bettyboo]

Stoker, would've (probably has).

That's a nice looking sausage bap, practically brought a tear to me eye.

[withnallstoke]

Thats not a sausage bap.

It's the contents of grannies gusset.

[Chittychangchang]

^ It's a bit of ruddy cucumber.

To us southerners, these dry stone walls - which are EVERYWHERE - provoke two questions, namely: How and why?

Dry stone walls in the UK are virtually prehistoric! That is before before the Romans came and wrote things down!

Some experts suggest that some existing dry-stone walls in the country have been there for thousands of years, just being maintained occasionally.

As for replacing them. It depends which part of the country you are in.
I believe that in regions where the raw materials can still just be picked up, the skills are being taught and used.

People actually volunteer and pay to maintain these labour intensive walls.

It is in the areas where stone is expensive or not so available, like the SE of England that hedgerows and fences are mainly used, maybe you should have carted a few back in your saddle bags to start a trend down south with the neighbours.

I've got a back garden full of them and a patio i'm working on.

There's always a few laying around unused and unloved that end up in the back of the car on my trips up in the hills.