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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Bedtime reading: On the trail of the Gruffalo

    If you have young children and aren't familiar with the Gruffalo books then shame, great shame on you. Unfortunately there are only two books available at the moment so, after a hike through my local nature reserve with the kids, I was inspired to complete the trilogy.

    Please share with your rugrats.

    Their feedback is invaluable.

    *Ahem*

    Amid rolling moorland in Britain's south-east
    Lurked a terrible monster, a frightening beast

    As big as a bus and stronger than steel
    He made crocodiles cower and elephants squeal

    A fiend like this does exist you know
    There is such a thing as a Gruffalo

    A Gruffalo hunter set out one morn
    Once he'd finished his booze and run out of porn

    He entered the moorland and trekked on a trail
    He walked and he walked, up hill and down dale




    The hunter grew weary, this was a chore
    But he rounded a corner and suddenly saw...

    A print in the mud, my oh my, could it be?
    "A Gruffalo paw mark!" He shouted with glee



    With a spring in his stride he continued his charge
    He didn't care if the critter was large

    He'd slay it with ease, but what the fuck's that?
    Batten down the hatches, it's Gruffalo scat!



    Slightly perturbed by the size of its shit
    The Gruffalo hunter thought he might split

    And passing some ashes he had quite the hunch
    That the big bastard Gruffalo had just eaten lunch




    "Man up! Stay tough!" thought the Gruffalo hunter
    "Go on and get him, get busy ya kunt ya!"

    He scoured the landscape so barren and void
    The Gruffalo hunter was getting annoyed



    Kicking his heels, he now had the proof
    That the 'big bad Gruffalo' was a big fucking poof

    Best to head home, perchance to wank
    But as usual he drank, and he drank... and he drank


  2. #2
    Neo
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  3. #3
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    Where the Fuck is the gruffalo?
    Last edited by kingwilly; 29-03-2015 at 06:08 AM.

  4. #4
    Utopian Expat Chittychangchang's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kingwilly View Post
    Whet the Fuck is the gruffalo?
    Very popular at the children's library..


  5. #5
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    Gruffalo hunter, what a nasty old queer.
    Only raging shifters drink French faggit beer.

    Mind how you go when you're out in the grass.
    The camouflaged gruffalo will sneak up on your ass.

    In one quick swift motion he'll have your pants down.
    The gruffalo enjoys going straight up the browm.

  6. #6
    Custom user Neverna's Avatar
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    Gruffalo doubters, look out for them here.
    Typing on keyboards, and drinking warm beer.

    We know Gruffs exist, just can't find the proof
    Don't listen to doubters, 'cuz doubters are poofs.

  7. #7
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    Gruffalo hunter, what a nasty old queer.
    Quote Originally Posted by Neverna
    'cuz doubters are poofs.
    This bizarre notion that Gruffalo hunters are poofs?

    Who you gonna call when you got a fucking Gruffalo squatting in your garden shed?

    Coz you sure as shit ain't getting that fucker out yourself.

  8. #8
    I am in Jail

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    Try the Kronenburg 1664 Blanc, mate. You'll see entirely different creatures.


  9. #9
    splendid and tremendous
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    The Gruffalo's henchman were out in full force

    Our fearsome hunter shat it, and hid in the gorse



    Spotted in leafy Surrey.

    A terrible fucking asp.

  10. #10
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    Poor old Gruffalo.
    Creating mean-spirited myths, when actually they're quite lovely.

    There's no such snakes in Surrey.....

  11. #11
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by Latindancer
    Kronenburg 1664 Blanc
    Never seen it. And you're speaking to a chap who spends much of his spare time down the alcohol aisle.


    Quote Originally Posted by thaimeme
    when actually they're quite lovely.
    You wouldn't be saying that if you'd just copped an eyeful of Gruffalo scat. Twas a smouldering mound of hate.

  12. #12
    I am in Jail

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    It's a lovely drop. Try to hunt it down....it has TWO aftertastes...citrus and fruit. But they're not too strong or too sweet. A superb neck oil.

    I thought it was a bit hard to get here, till when I enquired and they said that whenever they get a case, some bugger comes in and buys the lot.

  13. #13
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by Latindancer
    I thought it was a bit hard to get here
    Definitely never seen it in the UK. Shall keep 'em peeled.

  14. #14
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    My youngest loved the gruffalo.

    Sequel of Where The Wild Things Are

    Heavily borrowed anyway.

  15. #15
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    very funny ! O P>

  16. #16
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    That first picture of the Dirt Track gave it away, another Drunken Gay thread ?

    wot next,

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