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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Slap's canal caper

    I'm not sure if I'm having a mid-life crisis or a nervous breakdown, but either way, having been presented with the task to travel to Basingstoke this weekend I decided to undertake the journey on a bicycle, via the canal.

    If you've never heard of Basingstoke, which is likely, it is a small city in Hampshire; if you've never heard of Hampshire, it is one of the six home counties which border London; if you've never heard of London you're a fucking idiot.

    The ride, my computer informed me, would be approximately 25 miles, and, because the canal tow path isn't the most buttock-friendly of surfaces, could take me a good few hours to complete - especially when factoring in photograph, fag, and, of course, public house stops into the equation.

    From the outset I found myself submerged in autumnal beauty - the canal still and serene, the bracken turning through its shades, and the bracing October air crisp and fresh.



    Shipwrecked: but alas, this old barge was still being used - by ducks...

    Last edited by somtamslap; 27-10-2014 at 08:52 PM.

  2. #2
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    Pubs and canals are synonomous inventions.

  3. #3
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    Nice reminds me of when I used to cycle to work using the canal paths near Birmingham. Not as nice as Hampshire granted. But nice and peaceful until I started encountering hoards of east European types attempting to catch the geese and swans for din dins

  4. #4
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    factoring in photograph, fag, and, of course, public house stops
    Where are the half pints of lager shandy photos?

  5. #5
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    Basingstoke? I had a gardener in the UK, old geeza with out many marbles but decent enough. He was off for 2 weeks and I asked him where he was going. "Bastingstoke". Its only 40 miles away from where I lived. Fucking Basingstoke? Yep - he had been going there every year for 40 odd years he said. Loved it.


    Takes all sorts.

    Any slut photos?
    Originally Posted by bsnub "No wonder I drive a tesla"

  6. #6
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pseudolus
    Any slut photos?
    There is a slut photo as it happens.



    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    Where are the half pints of lager shandy photos?
    All en route. Note to self: don't start threads on a week day morning.

  7. #7
    TD Fat Club VP Dillinger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    the bracing October air crisp and fresh.
    You mean cold/brass monkeys ?

    You off to any bonfires ?

  8. #8
    On a walkabout
    Loy Toy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    if you've never heard of London you're a fucking idiot.
    Is that the place where their bridge is falling down?

    And it seems no fvcker sweeps up the dead leaves.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Loy Toy
    falling down?
    falling down...

  10. #10
    On a walkabout
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    Quote Originally Posted by CSFFan
    falling down...
    My fair lady!

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Loy Toy View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    if you've never heard of London you're a fucking idiot.
    Is that the place where their bridge is falling down?
    They sold the bridge. As they did everything that was traditionally British.

    Lovely.

  12. #12
    splendid and tremendous
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    According to Strava, my ride went horribly wrong after I'd popped into the Fox and Hounds for a swift ale...




  13. #13
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    I pondered this graffiti for a while; admired the artist's tenacity; took heed in the moral - then it dawned on me; the saucy little fucker wrote it from a barge. Bastard vandal...


  14. #14
    splendid and tremendous
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    A little further up the canal I came across this.

    'Help yourself to a small donation'

    Don't mind if I do...


  15. #15
    splendid and tremendous
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    No shit, Jason. No shit, mate...


  16. #16
    splendid and tremendous
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    Onwards!


    The solace of a public house shall and must be sought...


  17. #17
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    Are you going to hang around for the big bang? (its not Betty or another slut, but their annual bonfire)

  18. #18
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    Thought it read...Slap's anal caper!

  19. #19
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by peterpan
    Are you going to hang around for the big bang?
    I shall be here for bonfire night - windows closed wanking over Homeland.



    Quote Originally Posted by charleyboy
    Thought it read...Slap's anal caper!
    No, you wanted it to read Slap's anal caper. Be patient. 'Slap's bottie bonanza' shall be airing shortly.

  20. #20
    splendid and tremendous
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    These larger pools presented a nice excuse to have a sit down, roll an Old Hoborn, and scour the panorama for anything of aquatic interest...



    This heron was as good as it got...


  21. #21
    splendid and tremendous
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    This is the kind of bridge that tramps drink Sainsbury's Super Strength lager under. I paused for posterity... it filled me with an enormous sense of wellbeing.



    By now, of course, I had a king's thirst for the frosty brew...

  22. #22
    splendid and tremendous
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    And there it was. Glistening with a Utopian aura. The Holy Grail of any canal cyclist.

    A fucking public house. A warm, cosy, alcoholic beverage purveying public house.





    Food was required. I opted for the 'sandwich and soup of the day' combo for 6.25.

    Here we have the BBC (greenery for the acronym) and potato and leek respectively...


  23. #23
    splendid and tremendous
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    I think that soup was laced with lau khao.

    As previously mentioned, my GPS, having traced my actions, suggested that I went fucking beserk for five minutes...


  24. #24
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    BBC
    Bacon, brown (sauce) and cheese?

  25. #25
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    Bacon, brown (sauce) and cheese?
    Absolutely not - bladdy norfern philistine.

    Some of it was right though.

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