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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Saturday evening musings/Sunday morning mountain biking

    Mr Slap sat nestled into his sofa quaffing rampantly at a large bottle of Bierre Moretti. It was indeed a fine beverage. He made a mental note to buy more of it. Lots more. It certainly had the potential to become his lager of choice - and lager, if truth be told, played an integral role in Mr Slap's existence; acted as a lubricant if you will; greased the wheels; oiled the intricacies; made the whole damn gig a little easier to endure.

    The X Factor was on. It was either that or Casualty. Factor prevailed for several reasons; a) Cheryl Cole was capable of eliciting seismic activity in Mr Slap's underpants; Mr Slap, as well as being a alcoholic beverage aficionado, was also a keen participant on the masturbation circuit, and any excuse sent him a scuttle, pants around ankles, into the bathroom for another 30 seconds of warfare. Secondly, perhaps the deciding element in his decision to watch the X Factor, was that the contestants were generally woeful - not just at singing, but also at being members of the human race. And how Mr Slap loved a little schadenfreude. A socially acceptable public flogging was now taking place on ITV 1 and Mr Slap, along with his bottle of Bierre Moretti, was lapping it up.

    Currently crooning her way through a verse of contemporary claptrap was a pretty little twenty-something. Although her breasts bulged, her body was shapely, and her splendidly formed backside perched atop a pair of long, bronzed pins, she had all the airs and graces of someone who'd been living with wolves for the past decade.

    "Please Simon. Give me a yes vote. I beg you!"

    "Twat!", thought Mr Slap, but affectionately.

    A breeze shunted the living room curtain.

    A trace of autumnal air scented the room.

    Mr Slap inhaled, deeply - totally awed by the seasonal shift.

    "Tomorrow", he vowed, "I shall go outside!"

    And so it transpired...

    With this 29er



    And these trails







    An extremely wholesome Sabbath was had.

    Totally void of Cowell and Cole's world of shame.

    Until about 9pm this evening anyway...

  2. #2
    I am in Jail

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    We need some go-pro action here. Especially handy when you stack it.

  3. #3
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fozzy
    We need some go-pro action here.
    Definitely.

    Quote Originally Posted by Fozzy
    Especially handy when you stack it.
    One pretty average 'off' today. Remarkable really seeing as it was my first effort on red trails. Great, great fun.

    Shall be doing this a lot more.

  4. #4
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    what do you make of the 29ers? I'm not convinced myself still going strong on a 26 for the time being..

  5. #5
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by SiLeakHunt
    what do you make of the 29ers?
    I like the lofted position and the fact that there's oodles of rubber on the deck meaning the brakes react really well - and the big hoops roll a treat along fire roads and less techy stuff. But I couldn't really make a comparison as I've never ridden 26s or 650bs on trails - but they certainly seem to move with a bit more agility.

  6. #6
    Molecular Mixup
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    A general question if I may
    Are mud guards considered passé , so last century or something ..?

    OR is it part of the thrill getting totally spattered with cold wet mud,

  7. #7
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by blue
    Are mud guards considered passé , so last century or something ..?
    Only fitted during the autumn/winter on road bikes. No point putting them on MTBs because they will break very bloody quickly indeed, or spear you in the leg or somet.

  8. #8
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    The Great Outdoorsman.

    Lovely..


  9. #9
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Dear Mr. Slap.

    I wish to inform you that some thieving bastard has had the engine and basket away off your bike.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by SiLeakHunt
    what do you make of the 29ers?
    I like the lofted position and the fact that there's oodles of rubber on the deck meaning the brakes react really well - and the big hoops roll a treat along fire roads and less techy stuff. But I couldn't really make a comparison as I've never ridden 26s or 650bs on trails - but they certainly seem to move with a bit more agility.
    lmao.

    Clearly that's in English, but I don't understand it.
    <Your advert for prostitutes here, reasonable rates>

  11. #11
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by alwarner
    Clearly that's in English, but I don't understand it.
    That's the kind of English produced after years of lao kao abuse.

  12. #12
    TD Fat Club VP Dillinger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    these trails



    Is that the Shifters' Circuit ?




    I bet they don't sit in on a Saturday night, watching X Factor

  13. #13
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger
    Is that the Shifters' Circuit ?
    Doggers Drive?

  14. #14
    TD Fat Club VP Dillinger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    Doggers Drive?
    I wonder if there's a 'Cottagers Climb', like a big steep uphill trail, where tired cyclists get a good rogering....


    Anyway while your here Withnall, can you read post 3 and provide an alibi to Bogon's question(post 4) ?
    Necron would also like an answer(post9)

    http://teakdoor.com/the-teakdoor-lou...eaks-10-a.html (Mein Gott! Oktoberfest beer breaks €10 mark as rivals beg to be let in)

  15. #15
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    Stunning looking scenery. Seen any Hobbits?

  16. #16
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by alwarner
    Clearly that's in English, but I don't understand it.
    That's the kind of English produced after years of lao kao abuse.
    That was a post sponsored by Bierre Moretti, no less. Thee best lager beer on the market. And it's only three quid a pop for a large bottle in Spoons. Yummo.

  17. #17
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger
    Is that the Shifters' Circuit ?
    It was a Sunday, for Christ sakes. Not gonna risk my ass on the Sabbath - especially when there's a Songs of Praise special on at 1800 hours.

    Jeez.

  18. #18
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by fohk
    Stunning looking scenery. Seen any Hobbits?
    Very nice, innit. Swinley Forest in Bracknell. No hobbits present. Plenty of dorks, but no hobbits.

  19. #19
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    Plenty of dorks
    Do you mean thdorkth?


  20. #20
    TD Fat Club VP Dillinger's Avatar
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    I have a mate in his 40's, he still loves mountain biking on the weekends and plasters himself all over Facebook with daft memes of stuff like "Real men go downhill" and the like.

    He's always up Cannock Chase, bang in the middle between Brumagen and your home town. Have you tried there yet ?

    Chase Trails


  21. #21
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger
    I have a mate in his 40's, he still loves mountain biking
    That seems to be the demographic - 40s - for MTB. Mid-life crisis a plenty on the trails yesterday. And those chaps were a bit to enthusiastic for the good of their health - bladdy lunatics, the lot of em.



    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger
    Have you tried there yet ?
    Read about it, but never been. Probably try Coed y Brenin next.

  22. #22
    splendid and tremendous
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    ^^ That vid looks nuts BTW. I would have come off at least five times in the first two minutes.

    I got got by a fecking root yesterday, so I'm not sure how well I'd fair on that...

  23. #23
    Thailand Expat klong toey's Avatar
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    I manged to catch Mr Slap off guard the other day.

  24. #24
    splendid and tremendous
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    Can't be me.

    No unsightly drips of surplus skin spilling out of spandex present.

  25. #25
    Banned

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    Do you wank with Simon or at Simon? Don't be shy...

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