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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    A UK regression session: aka Slap's a fecking idiot

    Way back when, during days of yore, when a carefree Mr.Slap was literally just that - free of care - it wasn't uncommon to happen upon our hero in a state of thorough and comprehensive intoxication courtesy of a vast range of mind-bending illegal narcotics. In fact, I feel it has, to an extent, shaped my persona of today - as in I'm a bit fucking retarded.

    But alas, those halcyon days couldn't continue; mainly due to the fact that I relocated to old Siam where the merest mention of marijuana could potentially see the miscreant eking out the rest of their existence on a diet of mucus infused fish-head soup in some grotty Thai slammer.

    So life continued totally chemical free, albeit with a heightened quota of alcohol, and not a second thought was given to those ghastly substances that would one minute have you kissing the sky, and the next licking dog piss from a fucking gutter - such was the intensity of the come down.

    As you can imagine then, when I found myself engaged in a transaction on a Surbiton street corner last Friday, with a gaggle teenagers shod in ill-fitting attire (we're talking jeans down to the knees here, gentlemen), and after much deliberation contributing 50 pound sterling to Bolivia's GDP, I was somewhat taken a back by my actions.

    Just what in the name of General Pinochet's left bollock was I up to... Involving myself in dubious dealing with a bunch of fucking 12 year olds.

    I'm still smarting from the whole frightful affair now.

    I must cleanse myself of this sin immediately. And flagellation will come in the form of spending winter in the UK.

    Yes. That should do it...

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    Just what in the name of General Pinochet's left bollock was I up to... Involving myself in dubious dealing with a bunch of fucking 12 year olds.
    Mods...


  3. #3
    Thailand Expat klong toey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    spending winter in the UK.
    No one deserves that type of punishment getting darker by the day soon be light at 8am dark at 4pm.

    Could tag along with us will drug you up and put you in a seat next to us.

  4. #4
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bettyboo
    Mods...
    Yes, well spotted, Bets. I missed and s off dealings. Jail my ass...



    Quote Originally Posted by klong toey
    Could tag along with us will drug you up and put you in a seat next to us.
    Very tempting - although I shall endeavour to make hay while the, erm, gloomy weather and nights close in?

  5. #5
    disturbance in the Turnip baldrick's Avatar
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    if you are going to do it and it is planned

    bitcoin and silk road(2)

  6. #6
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    I have no inclination, whatsoever, to involve myself with such fare again.

    It hurt for days.

    Or maybe that was the accompanying 20 cans of Becks...

  7. #7
    Thailand Expat klong toey's Avatar
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    Seems aging increases the affect of pulling a whitey.
    Best left alone Mr Slap not touched the stuff for a long long time myself.

  8. #8
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by klong toey
    pulling a whitey.
    No whiteys fella.

    Just several days of residing in the bottomless pit of despair.

    Lovely it was...

  9. #9
    TD Fat Club VP Dillinger's Avatar
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    A friend of mine had some of the best nosebag ive ever encountered last xmas in Samui. None of that sambo shit

  10. #10
    Member Tarquin Chucklefucc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by baldrick
    if you are going to do it and it is planned

    bitcoin and silk road(2)
    I feel I'm missing out here
    Quote Originally Posted by klong toey
    Seems aging increases the affect of pulling a whitey.
    Best left alone Mr Slap not touched the stuff for a long long time myself.
    Could well be the call as we enter the downhill years - or maybe not
    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger
    A friend of mine had some of the best nosebag ive ever encountered last xmas in Samui. None of that sambo shit
    Was it an off-white yellowish colour?

  11. #11
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Aye, don't get me wrong, this was fucking rocket fuel.

    But at the end of the day I can do a weekly shop for 50 quid.

    Know what I mean?

  12. #12
    Thailand Expat klong toey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    bottomless pit of despair
    I didn't see Gert for a year once,i took a good contract to earn some cash.
    Felt sick to my stomach for a while but got me head down and done the deed.
    The flight home back to Thailand i was feeling nervous a year had gone by and things may have changed.
    Got to Arrivals hall looking for Gert but someone grabbed me from behind.
    All my doubts went in an instance when i turned round Gert pulled me close and gave me a big hug,oh she really has missed me.
    Life just went straight back to normal for us seemed like i had left for work 12 hours ago no fuss.
    Everything was waiting for me at home clothes freshly washed ironed,cold beer in fridge favorite glass out and ready for use.
    She said to me her life had been dark for a long time now i have light back again.
    You are the meaning of my life.
    Fascists dress in black and go around telling people what to do, whereas priests... more drink!

  13. #13
    Member Tarquin Chucklefucc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    at the end of the day I can do a weekly shop for 50 quid.

    Know what I mean?
    Yes - I know exactly what you mean.

    The guilt knowing that 1000bt could have paid for 5 bags of rice that would last a month for a big family.

    Is that what you're on about?

  14. #14
    Member Tarquin Chucklefucc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by klong toey
    I didn't see Gert for a year once,i took a good contract to earn some cash.
    Felt sick to my stomach for a while but got me head down and done the deed.
    The flight home back to Thailand i was feeling nervous a year had gone by and things may have changed.
    Got to Arrivals hall looking for Gert but someone grabbed me from behind.
    All my doubts went in an instance when i turned round Gert pulled me close and gave me a big hug,oh she really has missed me.
    Life just went straight back to normal for us seemed like i had left for work 12 hours ago no fuss.
    Everything was waiting for me at home clothes freshly washed ironed,cold beer in fridge favorite glass out and ready for use.
    She said to me her life had been dark for a long time now i have light back again.
    You are the meaning of my life
    Nice

    Know the feeling.

  15. #15
    TD Fat Club VP Dillinger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    But at the end of the day I can do a weekly shop for 50 quid.

    Know what I mean?

    Sometimes you just have to have a burnout to humble yourself.What goes up will come down. Just look back and remember how you put the world to rights that night with some random stranger, tried to do some pro with a walnut whip shaped dick, (the thoughts there enni? then they fock off and he wakes up larger than life and then gets beat to within an inch of it, i think 7 times is my record for stress wanking, the trick is to squeeze the miserable thing on the vinegar)

  16. #16
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tarquin Chucklefucc
    The guilt knowing that 1000bt could have paid for 5 bags of rice that would last a month for a big family. Is that what you're on about?
    Sort of, Alberto... It was just the whole seedy business of liaising with recalcitrant pikeys that upsets me the most. How dare I put cash into the pocket of some spotty little cnut that can't be fucked to get a proper job. Fuck off to prison, already... homie.




    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger
    Sometimes you just have to have a burnout to humble yourself.
    This is where one cannot extol the virtues of a good ya dong brew enough.



    Quote Originally Posted by klong toey
    You are the meaning of my life.
    Ahh, thanks mate. One does one's best.

  17. #17
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger
    walnut whip shaped dick
    Minus the girth at the business end.

  18. #18
    Neo
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    Try scoring some Diazies to go with that next time..

  19. #19
    splendid and tremendous
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    ^ I did. 40mgs took the sting from the blow.

    But left me feeling like I'd engaged in a mental wrestling match with a semi-coherent baboon.

    If you get me...

  20. #20
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    Er, nope...

    Quote Originally Posted by klong toey
    You are the meaning of my life.
    Thank you. I care about you too, KT. Joop joop.



    When will Mr Slaps let Stoker out of the cupboard???

  21. #21
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bettyboo
    When will Mr Slaps let Stoker out of the cupboard???
    Bastard's gone AWOL.

    Not a peep.

    Probably sheep related.

  22. #22
    Can I still change this?
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    ^ I was hoping he would get in touch so I could request 20 pounds sterling of donor meat to bring back with him.

    Last I saw of him was at 6:30am at a 7/11 in a petrol station buying rations. He accosted some taxi driver dude that looked like he was an extra form the Planet of the Apes franchise and sped off in to the rising sun.

    --EDIT--

    Good luck with your drug habit BTW Slappers...
    Black diamonds? I shit 'em.

  23. #23
    POTUS HOCUS
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    Smile

    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    ^ I did. 40mgs took the sting from the blow.

    But left me feeling like I'd engaged in a mental wrestling match with a semi-coherent baboon.

    If you get me...
    An Indonesian forum eh?

    There's always a space for you under the catflap,bring marmite and a clean tool

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