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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    On yer bike: Slap's Surrey Hills shindig

    There's no doubt in my mind. It's unequivocal. Upon opting to reside in Southeast Asia, we also unwittingly opt to regress a century or so. This is by no means a bad thing, quite the contrary, in fact. Modern life is officially rubbish. Modern life is pricey, pretentious and full of Polish people. Modern life is fast, unforgiving and four pounds a pint. Modern life is slavery; a social chain gang - relentless tedium with occasional masturbation and kebab breaks.

    A very wise man once said that when the going gets tough he couldn't speak more highly of a pint of Tia Maria, some crack cocaine, and an hour's worth of red-hot carnage with a Bratislavian immigrant. But I have implemented a new - perhaps more wholesome - system which curtails the monotony of modern day living in the western world.

    I simply call it: "Get on your bike and ride until your brain goes numb"

    It's an extremely efficient means of hopping off the conveyor belt for a few glorious moments, and of course, come the end of the day your ale has been well earned.

    In the Surrey Hills yesterday and I quickly became aware that they hadn't been named by mistake:

    Draggy ascents under the canopy cover went on for miles.



    Finally descending into quaint little villages...



    ...with big pubs.



    Found a local shop. No Lau Khao present. Always extremely displeasing.

    Bottle of water and blueberry muffin sufficed.




    The vehicle



    That blueberry muffin made me hungry. Spot of lunch in a pub, I think.



    Masculine fare...



    The village green opposite the pub would shortly host a cricket match...



    That's how we currently roll, folks.
    Last edited by somtamslap; 26-05-2014 at 10:50 PM.

  2. #2
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    I'm calling poof on the muffin

  3. #3
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    I do believe you have a white fiver sticking out of your cobwebbed wallet.


  4. #4
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    And god help you if you were wearing Lycra .

  5. #5
    Lord of Swine
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    Please tell me there are no spandex bike shorts involved in this....

  6. #6
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by malcy
    I'm calling poof on the muffin
    And the gherkin.

  7. #7
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by malcy
    And god help you if you were wearing Lycra .
    Quote Originally Posted by Necron99
    Please tell me there are no spandex bike shorts involved in this...
    I wear a short under the trackie bottoms, tucked into socks, rockin' a pair of reebok classics - kinda like a really tough gangsta, don't get it twisted y'all.



    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    And the gherkin.
    Gherkins aren't bent!

  8. #8
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    thanks slap and a nice bit of light relief, and the ploughmans looked the bollox

  9. #9
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    Is that the arkose 1 ?

  10. #10
    Thailand Expat cyrille's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by barrylad66
    the ploughmans looked the bollox
    it does look good, but is sadly lacking ham.

    in other words a vegetarian ploughman's, otherwise known as a crime against nature.

  11. #11
    TD Fat Club VP Dillinger's Avatar
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    I don't think I've ever purchased a bottle of water in the UK. In fact, even in my old raving days I'd drink it straight out of the cistern rather than pay.

  12. #12
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    That's a fine Yankee velocipede you have there, old chap.

    Glorious weather, a fine lunch and the lovely scenery of the sceptred isle. Sure you haven't died and gone to heaven? By the way, as I recall Polish girls are about as pretty as they come, but maybe that's only in Poland and the mountains of Pennsylvania.
    “You can lead a horticulture but you can’t make her think.” Dorothy Parker

  13. #13
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    No beer? That's poof.

    Slice of lemon in the coke? That's proper poof!

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by malcy
    I'm calling poof on the muffin
    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    And the gherkin.
    The cheese platter is also extremely poof...

    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger
    In fact, even in my old raving days I'd drink it straight out of the cistern rather than pay.



    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    I simply call it: "Get on your bike and ride until your brain goes numb"
    Nice thread, nice pics, keep up the good work.

  15. #15
    Lord of Swine
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger View Post
    I don't think I've ever purchased a bottle of water in the UK. In fact, even in my old raving days I'd drink it straight out of the cistern rather than pay.

    Yeh, but despite questionable wine cooler nights with well dodgy CharlieBoy, you've never gone the full Poof have you?
    Slapper owns it now.

  16. #16
    TD Fat Club VP Dillinger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Necron99
    Yeh, but despite questionable wine cooler nights with well dodgy CharlieBoy
    Charley's not poof, he just likes the cock

  17. #17
    Can I still change this?
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    ...with big pubs.


    or small roundabouts?

  18. #18
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    ^that's a normal size roundabout, Bogon, they call it Henley's Corner 2, but it's a fukin massive, MASSIVE!!! pub...

  19. #19
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
    withnallstoke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    In the Surrey Hills yesterday and I quickly became aware that they hadn't been named by mistake: Draggy ascents under the canopy cover went on for miles.
    The highest summit of the Surrey Hills is Leith Hill near Coldharbour, at 294 metres (965 ft) above sea level.

    I have bigger pimples on my arse.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyrille View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by barrylad66
    the ploughmans looked the bollox
    it does look good, but is sadly lacking ham.

    in other words a vegetarian ploughman's, otherwise known as a crime against nature.
    forgot to edit, needed a nice bit of crumbed and boiled ham!

  21. #21
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    Needs a scotch egg and a bit of pork pie...

  22. #22
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    ^
    just nik picking now

  23. #23
    Can I still change this?
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    Actually, that ploughmans looks like a construct your own cheese sandwich.

    Nice to know the wardens are now allowing Slappers the chance to reintergrate with society.

    Keep up the good work Somtam.

  24. #24
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    Thanks Slap!

    Lovely thread!!!

    Much needed break from the heathens..
    Cheers.

  25. #25
    TD Fat Club VP Dillinger's Avatar
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    The shifter could have had the ham for an extra quid

    Ploughman’s
    Served with French Bread, salad and pickles

    Cheddar or Mixed Cheese
    £8.50

    Ham
    £8.50

    Cheese and Ham
    £9.50

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