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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    The daily grind:England vs Isaan

    Southeast England - 6am: The sound of the alarm is unpleasant. Ear drum buggery. Generic alarm tones were composed in Hades by Lucifer's backstair spawn.
    BBC Breakfast TV. "....and here's Carol with the weather." Enlighten us Carol. "...a band of low pressure bringing intermittent showers throughout the week..." Wipe that smirk off your face, Carol. You are my least favourite person on the planet, Carol. Including the minister of transport, Carol.

    Change channel.

    Good Morning Britain. Susanna Reid. Those legs. That filthy grin. Seismic underpant activity. Shall I? I suppose I could work one into my morning bathroom duties. Not enough time. Balls fit to burst. No, yes, no, yes, no...yes...no. Get off the fucking television Reid, you callous slut.

    Change channel.

    BBC2. Documentary. Cheese making in the 17th Century. Peace at last.


    Northeast Thailand - 6am: The cocks are restless. They don't sleep, ever. Their incessant shrieks of blue murder perpetually permeate the barnyard. The deep-seated hatred I habour for them will result in either mass murder or a massive stroke. I'm awake...

    Hangover. Pounding head. Mouth like molten pig manure. Fundamental motor skills dubious. Do the day or let the day do you. Top-up urgently required. Motorcycle. Local Shop. Professional peasant croons broken ballad. Drink. Drink. Drink. Vomit in ditch. That's better.


    Southeast England - 8am: The hamster begrudgingly re-enters the wheel. Bus. Standing capacity 14. Ding. Ding. Misuse of the stop button. Sniggers from the teenage contingent on the backseat. Overweight, borderline obesity. Standing capacity 4 with an armpit in the face. Tourettes sufferers. Kunt on a loop. Morning is broken.

    Train. "This service is full and standing." Quelle surprise. Iphones brandished amid the melee. Can't you leave that fucking thing alone for just two seconds. It's like Dixons on wheels in here. Hide behind copy of the Metro and scan the sport pages. Liverpool for the league. Liverpool are shit. Man City for the league. Ryan Giggs had sexual relations with my great aunt's pet badger. David Moyes exiled in south Paraguay with a harem of guinea pigs.

    Croydon. Blood on the pavement. Ganja in the air. Pubs full at 9am.

    Northeast Thailand - 8am: Drink. Drink. Vomit. Sticky rice. Boiled egg. Water. Not doing that again. Until the next time, anyway.
    Last edited by somtamslap; 06-05-2014 at 12:25 AM.

  2. #2
    Banned

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    อีสานในใจของคุณ......

  3. #3
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Just for the record.

    Carol...


    Reid...


  4. #4
    Thailand Expat
    wasabi's Avatar
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    Oh Carol, was that a Rolling stones hit.
    My friend fell for a Carol , deadly she was and I remember visiting him in a Military Physcology hospital, along with his Dad, who phoned Me up to support him. on this visit.
    He made a full recovery.

  5. #5
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Wasabi. You live in England.

    Carol. Hot or not?

  6. #6
    Thailand Expat
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    The problem was that his dick ruled his brain.
    He was a Chopper gunner, never told Me about that until years later, He was just happy to see a familiar face.

  7. #7
    TD Fat Club VP Dillinger's Avatar
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    ^do you have alzheimers ?

  8. #8
    Molecular Mixup
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    Do you travel to work today, only to find out it's May day blank holiday?
    or did you just forget to turn the alarming clock off ...

    I was having a good day 'till this 20 something Japanese ? Chinese ? girl
    wearing short skirt, nicely pattern tights and a lovely smile, stopped to ask me for directions ...
    Thanks for reminding me I'm getting on for 140 years old and those days are a little bit behind me .

    Never mind It's Game of Thrones day

  9. #9
    Thailand Expat
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    Thank you Doctor.

  10. #10
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger
    ^do you have alzheimers ?
    I think Wasabi is partial to a pint of scotch with his dinner.



    Quote Originally Posted by blue
    Do you travel to work today, only to find out it's May day blank holiday?
    No, just my usual commute unless I get on the bicycle.



    Quote Originally Posted by blue
    Never mind It's Game of Thrones day
    Saving that. And the snooker's on.

  11. #11
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger View Post
    ^do you have alzheimers ?
    Funny as fuck.
    Everbody knows something

  12. #12
    Thailand Expat
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    Every detail is sent to GOD, on here.

  13. #13
    Member cdnski12's Avatar
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    Those F**king Roosters drove me nuts in Issan! Bastards started @ 3am, GD Dogs Barking @ 4:30am and finally Village Chief Jan-Dee doing his 7:00am, amplified shout ... "SAWADEE BAN DUNGWATTANA"! But I was usually groggily awake by that time. The morning joys of village life. I will admit the tinkling Wat bells @ 3am to arouse the rigorous monks, were appealing.

  14. #14
    Thailand Expat
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    On the piss till 9 30 am, pissed as a kunt...

    Village life.

    In the piss till 9 30 am, pissed off as a kunt...

    Croydon life.


  15. #15
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smug Farang Bore
    pissed off as a kunt...
    Especially when it's wet and overcast...aka, now.

  16. #16
    POTUS HOCUS
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    I'm saving up to by you a half of Shandy on the Walligton Riviera, pm your breast size The John Jackson,O,Neills or Shiverspoons they're equally vile,like offering paddy 3 spades of the wall of the fridge and saying take your pick.

    I am afraid my pervery pass won't work on the archaic Croydon tram and I'm still hiding from Shirley from Purley.
    I used to have a job at a calendar factory.
    I got the sack because
    I took a couple of days off.

  17. #17
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by david44
    O,Neills or Shiverspoons they're equally vile
    Yes, David. This is correct.

  18. #18
    Thailand Expat
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    Slap, the sun is shinning, i still sell good ale, Brighton Festival is on, people are happy here, you could visit ?
    If you feel your missing life in Los, the Bangkok Ladyboys tent is just 300 yds from my pub !

  19. #19
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bower
    the Bangkok Ladyboys tent is just 300 yds from my pub !
    Has slap arrived yet?

  20. #20
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Bower
    the Bangkok Ladyboys tent is just 300 yds from my pub !
    Has slap arrived yet?


  21. #21
    Lord of Swine
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    Arrived yet? He marked out the pegs for the tent....

  22. #22
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    Into Hatfield this morning after the rain stopped. Mr Patels for the newspaper, Polish deli for some ham and rollmops, Chinese supermarket for bean sprouts, the Pakistani halal shop for an advocado and the Nigerian butchers for oxtail. By Harry it's great to be back in the old country.

  23. #23
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bower
    i still sell good ale
    I'm there.



    Quote Originally Posted by Bower
    the Bangkok Ladyboys tent is just 300 yds from my pub
    I'm most definitely there! Keep those chaps smouldering hot.

    But yes, I will be there mate at some point over the summer, most definitely.



    Quote Originally Posted by MANICHAEAN1
    By Harry it's great to be back in the old country.
    Speaking of which. Harry Potter. ITV. Hermione Granger not worth a wank yet.

    Three cans of Oranjeboom and the last series of Lost. It's all go.

  24. #24
    Molecular Mixup
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    Three cans of Oranjeboom and the last series of Lost. It's all go.
    I'm just watching series 1 , I just wait for the moments they are back in the plane; how I love that slow mournful ''ding ding'' sound followed by the plane breaking up.

    I'm not racist or nothing BUT
    I don't much like that long haired wog that's being given a role of mr clever -a polar bear better get him soon .


    Anyone in London should be out hunting that skull cracking escape convict fake gun/ hammer maniac , not poncing about in wetherspoons.

  25. #25
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by blue
    I'm just watching series 1
    My heart goes out to you. A month or so of strangely compelling confusion and misery awaits.

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