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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Slap's U.K rail tale

    I like commuting to work here in the U.K about as much as I like exchanging pleasantries with my mother in-law. Both unavoidable evils elicit pangs of fear and revulsion, with a healthy smattering of misery to boot - the latter probably trumping the former in terms of detrimental aspects. Upon the cessation of any given conversation with 'mare', I will invariably walk away, head bowed, in search of a friendly juggernaut to step in front of. To look into the eyes of that women is to look into the very soul of the devil. I'll put it this way, she married Por. She actually made what she thought to be a healthy and informed decision to exchange nuptials with quite possibly the most repugnant human specimen ever spawned. Having said that, I'm not entirely convinced that Por is of homo sapien descent, rather a mish mash of aborted scientific experiments. At present the distance between us may very well span 2 continents, but I can still smell the old fucker on my clothing, that endearing bouquet of Thai tobacco, lau khao and stale piss.

    But enough of my dysfunctional Siamese affiliates, and onto my most recent first world gripe.

    I saw a news item on the BBC a few days ago during which the minister of transport, in a bid to engage the prospective electorate, announced a series of plans to revamp the British rail infrastructure. This proposal included building more platforms onto the busier stations and introducing a more frequent service amid rush hour or 'peak times' as they so innocuously put it. And we, the tireless travellers, would reap the dividends in no less than eight years.

    Eight years? I have to wait a further eight fucking years before I'm afforded the gratuity of being able to sit down on a fucking train?

    No, sir! I think not.

    I have therefore taken it upon myself to implement a system which guarantees me a seat on both the morning and evening legs of the trip.

    I call it 'sitting in first class instead'

    Where my commute home once looked like this...



    Now looks like this...



    Pick the bones out of that, Cameron...

  2. #2
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    You have very nice fingernails for a fat bloke.

  3. #3
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    Do you actually pay for 1st class (I can't believe that you Thai missus would allow such 'waste' of 'her' money), or, and this is what I imagine is the case, do you invade and squat because you've realized that the conductors don't board that train during your journey?

    Secondly, people are standing in 1st class too.



    Lastly, that looks piss poor for 1st class...

    p.s. I find it hard to believe that anything related to first class would link itself with Croydon...
    How do I post these pictures???

  4. #4
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bettyboo
    Do you actually pay for 1st class
    Most certainly not, Betsy.



    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    You have very nice fingernails for a fat bloke.
    Ta, got them done last week. Bloke called Sebastian I know. Freebie, if you don't count the buggering.

  5. #5
    I am in Jail

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    Som i also have the unfortunate experience of using the British rip off system, the woman at the station i buy the tickets from must see me coming and think oh fucking hell its him again.

    The job i do means i have to travel on the day so not able to buy advance tickets, so when i go buy from her, i seem to utter the same shit everytime how much 120 quid jeez a extra 100 quid i can get a two week holiday in spain she gives me a cute little smile to make me feel better, thing is i not even have to pay the client pays.

    just to go on buying a 120 quid ticket doesn't even qaurantee you a seat all the other fekkers that have bought there advance tickets for 30 quid get a seat.

    rant over i hate travelling by train

  6. #6
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yasojack
    just to go on buying a 120 quid ticket doesn't even qaurantee you a seat all the other fekkers that have bought there advance tickets for 30 quid get a seat.
    Another eight years and you'll be able to sit down. Another eight years I'm not gonna fucking be here. Another eight years I'm gonna be on a beach getting my balls licked.

  7. #7
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
    withnallstoke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    Another eight years I'm gonna be on a beach getting my balls licked

  8. #8
    splendid and tremendous
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    ^

  9. #9
    I am in Jail

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    Another 8 yrs i won't be able to afford to buy a ticket

    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Yasojack
    just to go on buying a 120 quid ticket doesn't even qaurantee you a seat all the other fekkers that have bought there advance tickets for 30 quid get a seat.
    Another eight years and you'll be able to sit down. Another eight years I'm not gonna fucking be here. Another eight years I'm gonna be on a beach getting my balls licked.

  10. #10
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    Well slappers I can see how you enjoy our wonderful transport system. I don't know which route you use but on Southern Trains it is perfectly permissible to use first class at no extra cost on trains that run purely within the zones. The reason being there is no first class facility although I don't know about other operators.

  11. #11
    Thailand Expat klong toey's Avatar
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    Poor form Mr Slap,hide behind the broadsheet like the rest of the commuters and stop complaining

  12. #12
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by klong toey
    hide behind the broadsheet
    Metro usually keeps me company for the duration of the whole blasted affair.

  13. #13
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    ^just the one or do you carry many for delivery purposes? (Is the Metro the new version of the Big Issue???)

  14. #14
    Thailand Expat klong toey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bettyboo View Post
    ^just the one or do you carry many for delivery purposes? (Is the Metro the new version of the Big Issue???)
    No its free and crap.
    Metro.co.uk: News, Sport, Showbiz, Celebrities from Metro Newspaper

  15. #15
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    & it has a French name - should be banned!

  16. #16
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by klong toey
    No its free and crap.
    Better than most of the rot on sale. I've stopped buying the tabloids since their raison d'etre is to wreck people's lives, and the broadsheets haven't got any jugs in them.

  17. #17
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    You've stopped buying the Sunday Sport - say it isn't so...

  18. #18
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bettyboo
    You've stopped buying the Sunday Sport - say it isn't so...
    Scan front cover. Commit to wank-bank. Go berserk in public shatter.

  19. #19
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    That's my kind of cat...


    & here's one for you, Mr Slaps:


  20. #20
    Thailand Expat klong toey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by klong toey
    No its free and crap.
    Better than most of the rot on sale. I've stopped buying the tabloids since their raison d'etre is to wreck people's lives, and the broadsheets haven't got any jugs in them.
    Not brought a news paper in over 30 years,lucky we have the internet now.
    Or i wouldn't have a clue whats going on in the world.
    Fascists dress in black and go around telling people what to do, whereas priests... more drink!

  21. #21
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    I think my weekend has suddenly been taken over:





    Is that Stoker???



    Fukin bastard, I will never, NEVER, vote labour again.



    There's a wealth of information out there if you're willing to open your eyes...

  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Bettyboo
    You've stopped buying the Sunday Sport - say it isn't so...
    Scan front cover. Commit to wank-bank. Go berserk in public shatter.
    In Aus we call em shitters.

  23. #23
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    Ever tried the commuter trains in Japan? The equivalent of the Metro magazine seems to be comics depicting petite females being ravished while bound and gagged. It's so incongruous seeing formal, dark-suited businessmen sitting reading this, and then as a courtesy to other readers, politely returning said fantasy porn to the overhead rack.
    I understand that they also have quite a problem with up skirt spy camera devices on such modes of transport as well.

  24. #24
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    Train travel in the uk is an expensive joke.

    From North Devon to North wales i was told that it would be 142.99 single and 154.99 return, and thats not travelling on the day but in two weeks time. I politely declined the lady ( i think ) behind the bullet proof glass and murmured to myself about murder,socialism and the persil train tickets that you could buy about 20 yrs ago.
    Bastards.

  25. #25
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    ^The benefits of privatization...

    Remember the promises of better quality services at cheaper/affordable prices!

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