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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Slap versus Sanjay: An Indian Takeway Skirmish

    Sanjay: Good evening. Khyber Pass Curry House.

    Slap: And a very good evening to you, Sanjay. I'd like to order some of your superlative fare to be delivered, if I may.

    Sanjay: Very good, sir. And what will your good order be tonight?

    Slap: Well, let's get the ball rolling with a Lamb Balti.

    Sanjay: Very good, sir.

    Slap: And we'll add some girth to the repast with some, let's see, oh yes, look at that, some Sagaloo.

    Sanjay: Very good, sir.

    Slap: Next, I feel a few poppadoms are in order, don't you? Spicy, not plain. Three of.

    Sanjay: Very good, sir.

    Slap: And you'd better chuck a cheeky chapathi into the mix, Sanjay. I'm fucking famished over here.

    Sanjay: Very good, sir.

    Slap: Now Sanjay, forgive me if this comes somewhat out of left field, but I've a hankering for ale and as you may have gathered I can't be fucked to move. You wouldn't be a little saint and pick me up a bottle of Theakston's Old Peculier en route, would you?

    Sanjay: Sir?

    Slap: Theakston's Old Peculier. Could you fetch me a bottle and I'll pay you when you deliver my food.

    Sanjay: Sir?

    Slap: THEAK-STON'S OLD PEC-U-LI-ER. BRING.TO.ME.

    Sanjay: Sir?

    Slap: BEER, SANJAY. I WANT A FUCKING BOTTLE OF BEER!

    Sanjay: Sir?

    Slap: Is your brain still in Bombay, Sanjay?

    Sanjay: Sir?

    Slap: Oh, forget it.

    Sanjay: Food come in 45 minutes, sir.

    Slap: Yeh, yeh, whatever..

    And with this I turned up my collar and sprinted through the evening drizzle to the off license.

    Upon my return a puzzled Sanjay stood on my doorstep ringing the doorbell.

    I weighed up his inane grin. A bit like my house, the lights were on but no one was home.

    Next time I'll asked for a single-syllabled beverage.

    But for now I shall bask in unrivalled culinary glory...


  2. #2
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    What does Mumbai have anything to do with the Khyber Pass [which borders Pakistan]???

  3. #3
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    Innit beer one syllable?

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by kingwilly View Post
    Innit beer one syllable?
    Not if one pronounces it bie-ah.

  5. #5
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Theakston's old peculier.

    I count seven...

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Theakston's old peculier.

    I count seven...
    Btw, how much did ya tip poor old Somchai.....err, Sanjay for his servicable efforts?

  7. #7
    Pedantic bastard
    nidhogg's Avatar
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    Next time try saying "king Fish Er"

  8. #8
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
    withnallstoke's Avatar
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    One bottle of beer.

    One.






    Ponce.

  9. #9
    loob lor geezer
    Bangyai's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post

    Khyber Pass Curry House.
    Hopefully the name of the place doesn't reflect the quality of the victuals issuing forth from it.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke View Post
    One bottle of beer.

    One.






    Ponce.

    That's a nightcap for a 2 year old.

  11. #11
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    Sanjay
    Can't blame the poor lad, he's just biding time until his big break in Bollywood.

  12. #12
    Pedantic bastard
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke View Post
    One bottle of beer.

    One.






    Ponce.


    Burn.

  13. #13
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    If you are having only one bottle then I would say that's a good choice.

  14. #14
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smug Farang Bore
    If you are having only one bottle then I would say that's a good choice.
    I bet the queer bastard put lemonade in it as well.

  15. #15
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    .....Lol

  16. #16
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Curry and a southernmans drink please, Gupta.



  17. #17
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    One bottle of beer.

    One.






    Ponce.
    Washed it down with half a pint of whiskey and a yard of bleach.


    Quote Originally Posted by Bangyai
    Hopefully the name of the place doesn't reflect the quality of the victuals issuing forth from it.
    The balti was superb. I'm currently eating the leftovers for breakfast.

  18. #18
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    Washed it down with half a pint of whiskey and a yard of bleach.
    Did you spill it then?

  19. #19
    Molecular Mixup
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    [/URL]
    thats some funky psychedelic spoon there
    do you have a disco ball light in the room to play off it ?

  20. #20
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by blue
    do you have a disco ball light in the room to play off it ?
    I do as it happens, and I dance around in an ill-fitting pair of Y-fronts of a Saturday night, in the guise of my alter ego, Barbara.

    I have to make light of the fact that the room could be haunted, you see.

    Green for anyone who can tell me why...

  21. #21
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    Green for anyone who can tell me why...
    Because you is a batty boy?

  22. #22
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    Because you is a batty boy?
    Being a massive homosexualist with a penchant for shoving goats up the Gary is neither here or there re the haunting of my living area.

  23. #23
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Where's my green then?

  24. #24
    Pedantic bastard
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post

    I have to make light of the fact that the room could be haunted, you see.

    Green for anyone who can tell me why...
    Because it is the place where your sex life (i.e. with other people) died?

  25. #25
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    Who the fuck would order kingfisher

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