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UK Travel Forum Your Travels in England, Scotland, Wales, Ireland and the few other odd little Islands that Great Britain are left with.

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Old 17-08-2013, 07:28 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Slap, Smug and Setter go to Spoons

The day started the evening before when I was dragged from my comfortable spot on the sofa by a couple of fucking reprobates knocking at the door demanding I drink copious amounts of premium lager beer with them. I begrudgingly accepted but the 10 or so pints of Kronenberg (1664, for your fucking information) was hardly conducive to waking the next morning ready for a day's worth of first-class roister-doistering with a pair of Teakdoor's finest.

So, after rising with half of my head on the pillow and the other cosily ensconced in a fucking pizza box, I quickly surmised that this was a job custom designed for 'hair of the dog', and without delay hit the road with one thing, and one thing only in mind:the exchanging of brief pleasantries with a turban attired newsagent owner who takes pride in purveying strong lager at incredibly good value.

I bought a pair of beers which I believe were of a Polish persuasion and weighed in at a fairly authoritative 5.6 percent volume. I can't be certain of the brand, but through the rapidly approaching onset of a furious fucker of a hangover, it looked a bit like, 'TZZZRREYGDYDPOLSKI'

Whatever it was called, both cans were gulped with gusto, allowing me to once again infiltrate the human race - I was, in fact, back in the room.

On to our rendezvous point, Wetherspoons, where Smug Bore Farang (herein known as 'The Smugster') and Sunsetter (herein referred to as 'The Setter') were waiting patiently at a table with an unrivalled vantage point of the pub. Both to our left, and to our right, were hordes of wasters going stoically about their duties of extreme riff-raffing.

Of course, this being Croydon, the riff-raffing capital of the world, and this being Whetherspoons, the riff-raffing capital of Croydon, we were in amongst quite a large amount of riff-raff.

In which case, when in Rome, old chap. To the bar!

Directors for The Smugster, cider for The Setter and lager for me. So, different drinks for different people.



Walk in here and shout 'Crystal Palace are fucking shite' if you want to liven up your afternoon.



The details are somewhat sketchy from mid-afternoon, but to my recollection it involved a lot of staggering around and bumping into things.
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Old 17-08-2013, 07:32 PM   #2 (permalink)
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^ Who was the 4th drink for? The iPad?
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Old 17-08-2013, 07:42 PM   #3 (permalink)
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^ Who was the 4th drink for?
The Stella was running low and replaced with that taller pint of bloody hell knows what..
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Old 17-08-2013, 07:44 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Looks like a TD members retirement home.Not keen on the colour of that bag on the table Aussie colours.
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Old 17-08-2013, 08:15 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Looks like a TD members retirement home.
Funny you should say that. The pub took a Vigara delivery halfway through the afternoon.
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Old 17-08-2013, 11:00 PM   #6 (permalink)
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There must be more.....
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Old 17-08-2013, 11:05 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Crikey, I bet that was a messy afternoon.
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Old 17-08-2013, 11:21 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jizzybloke
There must be more.....
It's all pretty vague. We got the beers IN.

Setter staggered off at some point when we'd relocated to the second boozer. I went into auto 'getting home mode' about an hour later, and smugster, I believe indulged in Kentucky's finest before shooting off.

Bangers in October for part two I reckon.

Or Isaan if anyone's up for it.
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Old 17-08-2013, 11:23 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by astasinim
Crikey, I bet that was a messy afternoon.
It was rather..
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Old 17-08-2013, 11:40 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by jizzybloke
There must be more.....
It's all pretty vague. We got the beers IN.

Setter staggered off at some point when we'd relocated to the second boozer. I went into auto 'getting home mode' about an hour later, and smugster, I believe indulged in Kentucky's finest before shooting off.

Bangers in October for part two I reckon.

Or Isaan if anyone's up for it.
I am in Bangers October Taffys here we come.
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Old 17-08-2013, 11:41 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I just met up with the Smugster and he did comment on what an utterly revolting drunk you are!
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Old 18-08-2013, 12:29 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by astasinim
Crikey, I bet that was a messy afternoon.
It was rather..
But how do you know?
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Old 18-08-2013, 01:12 AM   #13 (permalink)
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I'm supping beer whilst sitting in the launderette - Beat that for a bit of two-birds-killing-one-stone-ism
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Old 18-08-2013, 01:48 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Quote:
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I just met up with the Smugster
Smugster is the ultimate jet-setting supper! I think he was still sober after drinking 10 pints of Directors,
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Old 18-08-2013, 01:51 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Koojo
But how do you know?
Not remembering several hours of the afternoon constitutes as messy to moi..


Quote:
Originally Posted by DJ Pat
I'm supping beer whilst sitting in the launderette - Beat that for a bit of two-birds-killing-one-stone-ism
I'm eating chips and drinking coke whilst watching Harry Potter, and Hermione isn't even fit yet - Beat that for sad-bastard-behaviour..
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Old 18-08-2013, 02:20 AM   #16 (permalink)
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I doubt theres many a man thats had the cohesion to hear the animal that is sfb say good night im off home now.
.A top bloke
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Old 18-08-2013, 02:32 AM   #17 (permalink)
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^ Yep, thoroughly decent chap, is smug.
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Old 18-08-2013, 02:33 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Koojo
But how do you know?
Not remembering several hours of the afternoon constitutes as messy to moi..


Quote:
Originally Posted by DJ Pat
I'm supping beer whilst sitting in the launderette - Beat that for a bit of two-birds-killing-one-stone-ism
I'm eating chips and drinking coke whilst watching Harry Potter, and Hermione isn't even fit yet - Beat that for sad-bastard-behaviour..

Opted for Shanghai Noon on BBC3 instead, Chan & Wilson have just shared a Chinese drinking game - and ended up in the bath together, beat that for a bit of potential homo-erotic pre-watershed machoism
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Old 18-08-2013, 02:57 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DJ Pat
Opted for Shanghai Noon on BBC3 instead, Chan & Wilson have just shared a Chinese drinking game - and ended up in the bath together, beat that for a bit of potential homo-erotic pre-watershed machoism
There's potential. But over on ITV Cho Chang has just burst onto the scene flaunting her oriental wares all over the fucking gaff, in a 'take me hard up the shatter, Potter, you magical kunt', type of way. Beat that for powerful overlord-meets-wanton far eastern witch action.
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Old 18-08-2013, 03:13 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Get into the Clock Tower Museum. They have a very fine collection of Chinese Porcelain there.
How are you getting on with Por's visa application?

Last edited by OhOh : 18-08-2013 at 03:25 AM.
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Old 18-08-2013, 03:15 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Speaking of Porcelain, The Beach is now on E4. Snake blood my arse
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Old 18-08-2013, 03:33 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OhOh
How are you getting on with Por's visa application?
He's currently being tested for any traces of sanity.


Quote:
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The Beach is now on E4. Snake blood my arse
The person who says that isn't even Thai. Sounds like a Vietnamese prisoner whose been held captive for 50 years.
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Old 18-08-2013, 09:39 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somtamslap
Smugster is the ultimate jet-setting supper
At first I thought he had some kind of teleporting machine because I saw this thread yesterday afternoon and then like magic he was back in Bangkok that very evening!
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Old 18-08-2013, 10:02 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Fresh Prince
At first I thought he had some kind of teleporting machine because I saw this thread yesterday afternoon and then like magic he was back in Bangkok that very evening!
Slapper told me that there were at least 2 of him, sometimes 4.
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Old 18-08-2013, 10:03 AM   #25 (permalink)
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That makes sense.
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