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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
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    Turkish Delight: A Culinary Romance

    Salad. Onion. Sir?

    Without doubt the best trio of words in the Turkish language. Although they are invariably half-heatedly uttered by an abundantly bewhiskered, grease-ridden gentleman with a chilli sauce flecked apron, they still hold a beauty which you'd be hard pressed to find elsewhere.

    Even Gupta, the stalwart pillar of Indian dining establishments, is unable to evoke such voracity with his trademark 'Poppadoms, sir?' introductory patter.

    And Su-Young, the purveyor of all fare Chinese, barely rouses interest with her hard-nosed 'You wan egg fwy wice? pitch.

    Then of course we have Mario who, in this day and age, is customarily of Pakistani descent, with his 'is you wanting sausage-stuffed crust, bruv, is it, innit?' grammatically butchered banter.

    Or perhaps Pauline with her chip shop 'salt and fackin' vinegar, love?' chit chat.

    Nope. Nobody does it better than Ahmed. In fact, Carly Simon once wrote a song about him, and the lubricated fucker's true to every last note.

    To cut a long story short, I went on a bike ride yesterday. A 60-mile bike ride. It was a harrowing, four-letter word inducing affair, but nonetheless it was completed and for a few glorious minutes I basked in the satisfaction of a job well done. But when the fading traces of endorphins eventually subsided, I felt a huge void sweep over me. Something was missing. The day was yet to be concluded.

    It suddenly occurred to me that the void was where loads and loads of calories used to be, so without further ado I made haste to, first of all, the cornershop where I bought four cans of Kronenbourg 1664 (C'est magnifique!), and then onto Ahmed's place of business, which in this instance went by The Istanbul Grill.

    "One large doner, please Ahmed"

    "Salad onion, sir?"

    "I fucking love you, Ahmed, and I want to have your babies"


  2. #2
    Mid
    Mid is offline
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    they say a pic is worth a thousand words ..........

    with Slap you get both .

    Thanxs for the smile

  3. #3
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    ^^ wat he said !!!

  4. #4
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    Yum!!!

  5. #5
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    Where's the bread ?

  6. #6
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger
    Where's the bread ?
    Under the five kilos of meat and salad. Ahmed doesn't scrimp when you bat your eyelids.


    Quote Originally Posted by Mid
    they say a pic is worth a thousand words ..........
    This picture was actually the start of a wrong turn which transpired into a 10 mile impromptu detour. Almost worth it though..


  7. #7
    Fuck it
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    I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want

  8. #8
    Thailand Expat aging one's Avatar
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    Slap for the first time ever. What the fuck is that mystery meat?




    Nature did not produce that no matter how many hormones were induced.

    The salad, onions, and sauce look great, but that is why I dont buy what they call Gyros, too many times baloney on a skewer.

    Others? Or is is just me. Makes Beirut's food look so good now.

  9. #9
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by aging one
    Slap for the first time ever. What the fuck is that mystery meat?
    Some required reading for you, sir.

    Doner Kebabs - what's really in them? | DESIblitz

    But the truth is, no one knows, or cares.....

  10. #10
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by Satonic
    I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want
    Of course, I had an appetizer of salad with extra pickled green chillis and mint sauce mayo.....Mm Mmmmmmmmmmm!


  11. #11
    Fuck it
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    Bastard

  12. #12
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    Where are the chillis? No need for the salad either, just add chips.



    Remember, you can only eat half because you'll be needing the rest for breakfast tomorrow.

  13. #13
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bettyboo
    Where are the chillis?
    Don't test me when it comes to chillis, Betsy...

    Standard verbiage:

    "...and as many of those green chillis as your heart allows."

  14. #14
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    Do they do a veggie version ?


  15. #15
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Somtamslap.

    I hope you fucking burst.

  16. #16
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    There is very little I miss from back home if anything but a large mixed kebab with loads of chilli sauce and extra pickled chili's would certainly go down a treat right now after reading this thread
    And as said there should always be enough to take to work the next day for lunch or the bastards are as tight as
    Treat everyone as a complete and utter idiot and you can only ever be pleasantly surprised !

  17. #17
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    This is my staple now I've given up 90% of junk food

    heavily discounted out of date marinated corn Fed Aussie plane transported steaks

  18. #18
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kurgen
    Do they do a veggie version ?
    The salad kebab is an option in every establishment. But no one buys it, ever...


    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    I hope you fucking burst.
    There's a chance. My current plight is tonight's dinner: Roast lamb or roast beef? Decisions, decisions.


    Quote Originally Posted by The Big Fella
    There is very little I miss from back home if anything but a large mixed kebab with loads of chilli sauce and extra pickled chili's would certainly go down a treat right now after reading this thread
    Slap succeeds! Making Thai expats jealous of England is currently my MO.

  19. #19
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger
    This is my staple now I've given up 90% of junk food
    Fuck me! Three whole slices of carrot! Steady on, old bean. You might turn into a rabbit.

  20. #20
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    My body is a temple nowadays. :-)

    I am in awe at your distance riding on your push bike, while your eating all that shite.

    I did ten miles of the Venice of England's fine canals about 20 years back and had to phone my dad to bring his Sierra estate and pick me, my dead legs and mountain bike home

  21. #21
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger
    I am in awe at your distance riding on your push bike
    Push bike my arse.

    Fatsos bike has an engine.

  22. #22
    The cold, wet one
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    To cut a long story short, I went on a bike ride yesterday. A 60-mile bike ride. It was a harrowing, four-letter word inducing affair, but nonetheless it was completed and for a few glorious minutes I basked in the satisfaction of a job well done. But when the fading traces of endorphins eventually subsided, I felt a huge void sweep over me. Something was missing. The day was yet to be concluded.
    Naah, that wanting for a kebab doesn't come after a bike ride, Slap. You can't fool us. That particular hankering only arrives after a skinful in your local. And the ritual is then topped by spilling the grease and chilli sauce down your clothes...

  23. #23
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    Fatsos bike has an engine
    The Genesis Day One cyclo cross machine only has pistons. Brute strength, muscle laden thigh of Slap.
    Quote Originally Posted by November Rain
    That particular hankering only arrives after a skinful in your local.
    You'd be surprised. Tackle one sober. They actually taste very nice indeed. I might have another one tonight.

  24. #24
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    I'd like to see these Mark Hughes sized thighs in spandex.

    solely for sports science reasons of course




  25. #25
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    I'm sat here watching Sky News and they're showing some 100 mile bike ride from the Olympic Park to Kingston on Sea for novices

    Slapper you lazy fat fock !!!!!!!

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