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UK Travel Forum Your Travels in England, Scotland, Wales, Ireland and the few other odd little Islands that Great Britain are left with.

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Old 16-06-2013, 05:35 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Great British Friday night fodder

I finished work on Friday and made haste to the public house where I militantly dispatched five pints of traditional English ale and feasted, with wild abandon, on one 'grab bag' of Walkers salt and vinegar ridges, a packet of bacon fries - the finest crisp in the history of maize-based snack-treats - and a pickled egg. I then went on to lose 2-3 at pool - the pockets in this country are far too small to gain enough purchase on the cue ball for pin-point positional accuracy, unlike the American-style tables in southeast Asia - and win a game of darts which lasted so fucking long that it felt like several generations had passed before I eventually got lucky and hit a double-one.

With an assortment of pub-based frolics, fodder and liquid refreshment now ticked off the obligatory early weekend 'to do' list, the time had arrived to adjourn, as rapidly as my ever-expanding stomach would allow me, to the nearest curry house in the locality.

Indeed, the cessation of any night out worth its salt invariably lies at the hands of Vikram and his ilk scuttling about in tight suits - tending to the culinary wants and needs of very fucking drunk people; requirements which customarily feature "a stack of poppadoms and a fackin' Vinadaloo, please Raj, me old mucker".

I, on the other hand, consider myself something of a south Asian cuisine aficionado, and scrutinized the menu meticulously before eventually opting for "stack of poppadoms and a fackin' Madras, please Raj, me old mucker".

But being somewhat more culturally diverse and sophisticated than my curry guzzling peers, the backbone, the meat and potatoes of this repast, if you will, was given added girth by way of a sag paneer, a garlic naan, onion bhajis, a peshwari naan, and two pints of Cobra beer.

Poppadoms with a decadent melange of condiments - heavenly.



First-class fodder...



Join me next Friday, when I will be sampling the wares of at least three different kebab houses.
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Old 16-06-2013, 05:38 PM   #2 (permalink)
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You sir, are a culinary guru.
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Old 16-06-2013, 05:49 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I am now salivating and masturbating.

That is the finest fodder i have seen in the last 10 years.

I intend to visit Birmingham some time in the next 12 months and dine on curry for a few weeks.
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Old 16-06-2013, 05:56 PM   #4 (permalink)
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How is that British? Looks Indian to me..
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Old 16-06-2013, 05:57 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Now don't get me wrong, love a good curry as much as the next man.
But have any of you actually looked in the kitchen of one of these,places?
Or contemplated the fact,that their food is so heavily spiced to overcome the prevalent stench left by their cultural bathroom habits?
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Old 16-06-2013, 06:01 PM   #6 (permalink)
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boah... says the guy in nakhon sawon...
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Old 16-06-2013, 06:22 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Necron99 View Post
Now don't get me wrong, love a good curry as much as the next man.
But have any of you actually looked in the kitchen of one of these,places?
Or contemplated the fact,that their food is so heavily spiced to overcome the prevalent stench left by their cultural bathroom habits?
There is some guidance on the hygiene standards of food outlets in the UK now which is helpful, in most areas the premises must display the rate given by the local authority. 1 to 5 stars
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Old 16-06-2013, 06:22 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog
You sir, are a culinary guru
Well, one does one's best...

Allow me to present my new line in midnight snacks.

Hard-shell tacos stuffed with minced beef, assorted salad vegetables and mature cheddar.

Mm-mmmmmm..




Quote:
Originally Posted by withnallstoke
I intend to visit Birmingham some time in the next 12 months and dine on curry for a few weeks.
I thought you'd be off to Stoke for an oatcake or two, duck?


Quote:
Originally Posted by bsnub
How is that British?
Like this..

BBC NEWS | UK | Scotland | Glasgow, Lanarkshire and West | Glasgow 'invented' Tikka Masala


Quote:
Originally Posted by Necron99
by their cultural bathroom habits?
I'd say they're only rung or so below the Thai people on the hygiene ladder - it matters not how the food is prepared but how you plate the dish (whatever that means).
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Old 16-06-2013, 07:06 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by withnallstoke
I intend to visit Birmingham some time in the next 12 months and dine on curry for a few weeks.
aaah the Balti Triangle, I nearly got homesick then, however I only have to peer out of my window and I can see pakis

Quote:
Originally Posted by withnallstoke
That is the finest fodder i have seen in the last 10 years.
The Malaysian border is a stones throw from you, ay it ?
Come on down, I'll show you some fine Indian and chinese dining, bring a wheelchair, I'm not so mobile nowadays, fukkin fattenin that shit is
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Old 16-06-2013, 07:32 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dillinger
The Malaysian border is a stones throw from you, ay it ? Come on down, I'll show you some fine Indian and chinese dining,
Can't get a decent Balti in Malaysia - they serve their stuff on a stupid leaf instead of a steel bowl with handles on it.
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Old 16-06-2013, 07:37 PM   #11 (permalink)
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There is still an ancient law on the UK statute book that every man and his son must practice archery for one hour on Sunday.

I think it has been replaced with the fact that it is now mandatory for every Englishman to have a curry once a week with his mates.

I went to a curry house in Wigan called Basmati, I think it's the only curry house I know that's so popular you have to book a table. Chicken Tikka Jalfrazi, just what the doctor ordered.

Cheers
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Old 16-06-2013, 07:42 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog
You sir, are a culinary guru.
For the first time. It did look nice, but slap learn to focus. Check it and see. I have to do it.
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Old 16-06-2013, 08:05 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SiLeakHunt
I went to a curry house in Wigan called Basmati
That sentence is bursting at the seams with Britishness.


Quote:
Originally Posted by aging one
It did look nice, but slap learn to focus
I was a tad on the wonky side after the pub. I never usually lose at pool so I must have been several sheets to the breeze..
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Old 17-06-2013, 06:00 AM   #14 (permalink)
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I used to frequent a dirty Pakastani curry house in Sapan Kwai each sunday. Thing was, the food was fantastic but I knew it was a filth hole. Once the door to the kitchen was open wide, and I looked the other way, I didn't even wanna see the kitchens just in case.

My local down here do a mean Naga chicken, lashings of spice.
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Old 17-06-2013, 06:07 AM   #15 (permalink)
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You know it's unlucky to drinlk 5 pints, ya shoulda had one more.
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Old 17-06-2013, 01:27 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kingwilly
You know it's unlucky to drinlk 5 pints, ya shoulda had one more.
The two pints of Cobra in the curry house should nullify that bad luck..
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Old 17-06-2013, 01:48 PM   #17 (permalink)
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My town has two Indian restaurants. One is fabulous. The Good Food Guide chucked a brick through the window of the other one though
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Old 17-06-2013, 01:53 PM   #18 (permalink)
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You done all these socially invading things without first going home for a shower mate?

The bloody curry looks nice though and I bet the Walkers Chips are a hell of a lot more cheaper then they cost here.

Keep up the good work Slapper.
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Old 17-06-2013, 02:21 PM   #19 (permalink)
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[quote=somtamslap;2483347]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog
You sir, are a culinary guru
Well, one does one's best...

Allow me to present my new line in midnight snacks.

Hard-shell tacos stuffed with minced beef, assorted salad vegetables and mature cheddar.

Mm-mmmmmm..




You bastard i am so jealous right now, that i wish you get the shits from that mature cheddar,
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Old 17-06-2013, 03:09 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Looks good Slapper.

Thing is I'd be shitting that Vindaloo through the eye of a needle for a week especially after a gut full of Ale.

Nice all the same though.
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Old 17-06-2013, 03:23 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by terry57
gut full of Ale.
Seven little bitty pints?

Ponce.
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Old 17-06-2013, 04:19 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by terry57
Thing is I'd be shitting that Vindaloo through the eye of a needle for a week especially after a gut full of Ale
What Vindaloo ?
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Old 17-06-2013, 05:50 PM   #23 (permalink)
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When you next get down to Brighton Slap, we shall taken luchoen at this fine establishment. Chilli Pickle | Regional Indian Cuisine in Brighton They serve outstanding food and have an India Pale Ale at 7.5% Just a 50 yd stagger from my pub.

You do remember where Brighton is do you ? my staff have reported on your condition when you left my pub
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Old 17-06-2013, 06:23 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Dillinger View Post

What Vindaloo ?

The Vindaloo that any Indian restaurant serves. Love the stuff by the way but my botty don't.
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Old 17-06-2013, 06:51 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bower
my staff have reported on your condition when you left my pub
hahahahaha
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