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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Great British Friday night fodder

    I finished work on Friday and made haste to the public house where I militantly dispatched five pints of traditional English ale and feasted, with wild abandon, on one 'grab bag' of Walkers salt and vinegar ridges, a packet of bacon fries - the finest crisp in the history of maize-based snack-treats - and a pickled egg. I then went on to lose 2-3 at pool - the pockets in this country are far too small to gain enough purchase on the cue ball for pin-point positional accuracy, unlike the American-style tables in southeast Asia - and win a game of darts which lasted so fucking long that it felt like several generations had passed before I eventually got lucky and hit a double-one.

    With an assortment of pub-based frolics, fodder and liquid refreshment now ticked off the obligatory early weekend 'to do' list, the time had arrived to adjourn, as rapidly as my ever-expanding stomach would allow me, to the nearest curry house in the locality.

    Indeed, the cessation of any night out worth its salt invariably lies at the hands of Vikram and his ilk scuttling about in tight suits - tending to the culinary wants and needs of very fucking drunk people; requirements which customarily feature "a stack of poppadoms and a fackin' Vinadaloo, please Raj, me old mucker".

    I, on the other hand, consider myself something of a south Asian cuisine aficionado, and scrutinized the menu meticulously before eventually opting for "stack of poppadoms and a fackin' Madras, please Raj, me old mucker".

    But being somewhat more culturally diverse and sophisticated than my curry guzzling peers, the backbone, the meat and potatoes of this repast, if you will, was given added girth by way of a sag paneer, a garlic naan, onion bhajis, a peshwari naan, and two pints of Cobra beer.

    Poppadoms with a decadent melange of condiments - heavenly.



    First-class fodder...



    Join me next Friday, when I will be sampling the wares of at least three different kebab houses.

  2. #2
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    Marmite the Dog's Avatar
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    You sir, are a culinary guru.

  3. #3
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    I am now salivating and masturbating.

    That is the finest fodder i have seen in the last 10 years.

    I intend to visit Birmingham some time in the next 12 months and dine on curry for a few weeks.

  4. #4
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    How is that British? Looks Indian to me..

  5. #5
    Lord of Swine
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    Now don't get me wrong, love a good curry as much as the next man.
    But have any of you actually looked in the kitchen of one of these,places?
    Or contemplated the fact,that their food is so heavily spiced to overcome the prevalent stench left by their cultural bathroom habits?

  6. #6
    I am in Jail
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    boah... says the guy in nakhon sawon...

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Necron99 View Post
    Now don't get me wrong, love a good curry as much as the next man.
    But have any of you actually looked in the kitchen of one of these,places?
    Or contemplated the fact,that their food is so heavily spiced to overcome the prevalent stench left by their cultural bathroom habits?
    There is some guidance on the hygiene standards of food outlets in the UK now which is helpful, in most areas the premises must display the rate given by the local authority. 1 to 5 stars

  8. #8
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog
    You sir, are a culinary guru
    Well, one does one's best...

    Allow me to present my new line in midnight snacks.

    Hard-shell tacos stuffed with minced beef, assorted salad vegetables and mature cheddar.

    Mm-mmmmmm..




    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    I intend to visit Birmingham some time in the next 12 months and dine on curry for a few weeks.
    I thought you'd be off to Stoke for an oatcake or two, duck?


    Quote Originally Posted by bsnub
    How is that British?
    Like this..

    BBC NEWS | UK | Scotland | Glasgow, Lanarkshire and West | Glasgow 'invented' Tikka Masala


    Quote Originally Posted by Necron99
    by their cultural bathroom habits?
    I'd say they're only rung or so below the Thai people on the hygiene ladder - it matters not how the food is prepared but how you plate the dish (whatever that means).

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    I intend to visit Birmingham some time in the next 12 months and dine on curry for a few weeks.
    aaah the Balti Triangle, I nearly got homesick then, however I only have to peer out of my window and I can see pakis

    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    That is the finest fodder i have seen in the last 10 years.
    The Malaysian border is a stones throw from you, ay it ?
    Come on down, I'll show you some fine Indian and chinese dining, bring a wheelchair, I'm not so mobile nowadays, fukkin fattenin that shit is

  10. #10
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
    withnallstoke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger
    The Malaysian border is a stones throw from you, ay it ? Come on down, I'll show you some fine Indian and chinese dining,
    Can't get a decent Balti in Malaysia - they serve their stuff on a stupid leaf instead of a steel bowl with handles on it.

  11. #11
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    There is still an ancient law on the UK statute book that every man and his son must practice archery for one hour on Sunday.

    I think it has been replaced with the fact that it is now mandatory for every Englishman to have a curry once a week with his mates.

    I went to a curry house in Wigan called Basmati, I think it's the only curry house I know that's so popular you have to book a table. Chicken Tikka Jalfrazi, just what the doctor ordered.

    Cheers

  12. #12
    Thailand Expat aging one's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog
    You sir, are a culinary guru.
    For the first time. It did look nice, but slap learn to focus. Check it and see. I have to do it.

  13. #13
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by SiLeakHunt
    I went to a curry house in Wigan called Basmati
    That sentence is bursting at the seams with Britishness.


    Quote Originally Posted by aging one
    It did look nice, but slap learn to focus
    I was a tad on the wonky side after the pub. I never usually lose at pool so I must have been several sheets to the breeze..

  14. #14
    Look!!..... a train!!
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    I used to frequent a dirty Pakastani curry house in Sapan Kwai each sunday. Thing was, the food was fantastic but I knew it was a filth hole. Once the door to the kitchen was open wide, and I looked the other way, I didn't even wanna see the kitchens just in case.

    My local down here do a mean Naga chicken, lashings of spice.

  15. #15
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    You know it's unlucky to drinlk 5 pints, ya shoulda had one more.

  16. #16
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kingwilly
    You know it's unlucky to drinlk 5 pints, ya shoulda had one more.
    The two pints of Cobra in the curry house should nullify that bad luck..

  17. #17
    Look!!..... a train!!
    DJ Pat's Avatar
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    My town has two Indian restaurants. One is fabulous. The Good Food Guide chucked a brick through the window of the other one though

  18. #18
    On a walkabout
    Loy Toy's Avatar
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    You done all these socially invading things without first going home for a shower mate?

    The bloody curry looks nice though and I bet the Walkers Chips are a hell of a lot more cheaper then they cost here.

    Keep up the good work Slapper.

  19. #19
    Thailand Expat poorfalang's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=somtamslap;2483347]
    Quote Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog
    You sir, are a culinary guru
    Well, one does one's best...

    Allow me to present my new line in midnight snacks.

    Hard-shell tacos stuffed with minced beef, assorted salad vegetables and mature cheddar.

    Mm-mmmmmm..




    You bastard i am so jealous right now, that i wish you get the shits from that mature cheddar,
    Sorry about me horrible speling

  20. #20
    Thailand Expat terry57's Avatar
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    Looks good Slapper.

    Thing is I'd be shitting that Vindaloo through the eye of a needle for a week especially after a gut full of Ale.

    Nice all the same though.

  21. #21
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by terry57
    gut full of Ale.
    Seven little bitty pints?

    Ponce.

  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by terry57
    Thing is I'd be shitting that Vindaloo through the eye of a needle for a week especially after a gut full of Ale
    What Vindaloo ?

  23. #23
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    When you next get down to Brighton Slap, we shall taken luchoen at this fine establishment. Chilli Pickle | Regional Indian Cuisine in Brighton They serve outstanding food and have an India Pale Ale at 7.5% Just a 50 yd stagger from my pub.

    You do remember where Brighton is do you ? my staff have reported on your condition when you left my pub

  24. #24
    Thailand Expat terry57's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger View Post

    What Vindaloo ?

    The Vindaloo that any Indian restaurant serves. Love the stuff by the way but my botty don't.

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bower
    my staff have reported on your condition when you left my pub
    hahahahaha

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