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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Slap goes shopping in Morrisons

    Upon breaching the supermarket's threshold my initial thoughts were that I'd inadvertently meandered into a halfway home for autistic offenders. Each and every employee appeared to be stricken with an ailment which rendered them socially awkward - which isn't particularly conducive when wanting to locate a jar of free-range foie gras or 200 grams of Pont L'eveque. Such inquiries, I feared, would lead to the friendly Morrison's assistant collapsing in a befuddled heap on the shop-floor, or reaching for the nearest courgette and beating me to death in the fresh produce aisle.

    So with this in mind, it was determined that I should shop with haste and keep my questions to an absolute minimum, lest I should succumb to a deranged member of the delicatessen team erratically wielding a fucking meat cleaver around the place.

    My shopping list was a matter-of-fact affair, which simply read:

    - Beer

    - Food

    I'd been so perturbed by the whole weekly shopping ordeal (something I haven't done in the U.K for some 11 years) and the threat of being assaulted by a shelf-stacker, that I marched vehemently to the alcohol section where I sort solace in the knowledge that a) I was surrounded by thousands of litres of premium intoxicants, and b) a large bottle of Jim Beam would surely trump a root vegetable should blows with a shop assistant come to pass.



    Eventually I surmised that a brace of Pilsner Uquell should accompany my evening meal. Two bottles for 3 is exceptional value in these trying times.



    Now to fill up the shopping trolley with a diverse range of proteins, cheeses, fresh fruit and vegetables and wholemeal products. Well we could do that, or we could implement our contingency plan which generally entails getting thoroughly vexed with the general public, buying a couple of tins of beef madras and leaving the fucking premises lickety-split.



    Another successful day in old blighty...

  2. #2
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    STS another saga, but a bit on the mild side

  3. #3
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Makmak456
    but a bit on the mild side
    You're joking! It had beef madras in it and everything...

  4. #4
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    Morrisons?

    I'd have marked you more of an Aldi sort of chap.

  5. #5
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by taxexile
    I'd have marked you more of an Aldi sort of chap
    I've heard lots of good things about Aldi from like-minded pikeys.

    I'm usually a BP petrol station meal-deal kind of a guy.

  6. #6
    Tonguin for a beer
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    I hope you didn't get to the check out with your beers only to be told it was 5 minutes before the 5pm opening time. I nearly blew a fuse last time that happened. Thank god for my dear old "bok soi" Thai convieniance store.

  7. #7
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    As a side note, the day wasn't a complete waste.

    I finished my outing in the pub with a pint of fine lager accompanied by possibly the finest wheat-based nibbles on the planet..


  8. #8
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    aldi, that were the days... you would full the shopping cart an pay 38.49 euro...

    here you buy yoghurt (100 baht), cereals (350 baht) and 5 apples (100 baht), paying half of an aldi shopping cart...

  9. #9
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bung
    I hope you didn't get to the check out with your beers only to be told it was 5 minutes before the 5pm opening time
    Such laws don't apply here in England.

    You can buy ya booze whenever ya fackin well wannit..innit..

  10. #10
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    That Morrisons has gone the same way as J Sainsbury, always trying to get you to buy 3 of each item.

    I don't recall seeing any decent offers in Tesco Lotus though.

    In your face Somchai

  11. #11
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    Mate you can't post beer porn on here. The first pic is to be kept on the top shelve, out of reach to people un able to get that stuff.

    Oh the choice.

  12. #12
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger
    That Morrisons has gone the same way as J Sainsbury
    Waitrose is my nearest supermarket. Come 7.30pm it's a little goldmine.

    DISCOUNT ITEMS RULE OK


    Quote Originally Posted by Smug Farang Bore
    Mate you can't post beer porn on here.
    It's my only form of retaliation to you bastards being in a place without Jeremy Kyle guests around every fucking corner, saying stuff like 'is it, bruv?'

    I shall be posting more...

  13. #13
    I am in Jail

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    ...this place is so neat, so clean, airy, comfy, inviting...

  14. #14
    TD Fat Club VP Dillinger's Avatar
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    Slapper, can we do Poundland tomorrow ?

  15. #15
    splendid and tremendous
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    ^ Another goldmine.

    I'll get on the case.

  16. #16
    Lord of Swine
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    Phhffft..
    Doesn't beat the truck in the moobahn in the dead of night.

  17. #17
    Thailand Expat klong toey's Avatar
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    Morrisons.
    Mr Slap stop faffing about and get down the local massage parlour for a hand job.We need a comparison on sexual relief services not bloody supermarkets.
    Last edited by klong toey; 09-06-2013 at 10:04 PM.

  18. #18
    Knows fok all
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    Stay out of Morrisons slap its where the poor people shop.

  19. #19
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    Wonder how much beef is in that tin of Morrisons Madras? Nay bother, naaaaaaayyyy bother at all.

  20. #20
    splendid and tremendous
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    ^ I just broke out into a canter on my trot home from the pub.

  21. #21
    Mid
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap

    As a side note, the day wasn't a complete waste.
    As is displayed by the shaky hand holding the camera ?

  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    As a side note, the day wasn't a complete waste.

    I finished my outing in the pub with a pint of fine lager accompanied by possibly the finest wheat-based nibbles on the planet..

    did the shakes diminish once the ale was tipped into your neck,
    or is that an ongoing thing?

  23. #23
    Mid
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    snap

  24. #24
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    Morrisons is heaven compared to Thailand shops. Last time I was in there you could get 4 avocados for a quid, here they are a quid each. Giant sized flora for less than you pay for a small one here and loads of real beer and cheap wine. They actually sell real bread as well, unlike the cotton wool muck available in Thailand. The only things more expensive there is rice (sick to death of it) and crappy singha beer.

  25. #25
    Pedantic bastard
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    Quote Originally Posted by r1 pet View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    As a side note, the day wasn't a complete waste.

    I finished my outing in the pub with a pint of fine lager accompanied by possibly the finest wheat-based nibbles on the planet..

    did the shakes diminish once the ale was tipped into your neck,
    or is that an ongoing thing?
    Personally I had asumed he was busy pounding one out while taking that photo.........

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