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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    The Joys of a Summer

    These so-called summer months in the U.K are becoming rather tiresome. Firstly, the sun, after having seemingly been under lock and key for first 5 months of the year, is a little bit too enthusiastic for my liking.
    Come 4.30 am it rides above the horizon before unscrupulously dumping itself right outside my bedroom window, staring at me like a motorway maintenance thug in a high visibility vest. Unfortunately the sun isn't a motorway maintenance thug in a high visibility vest, so I can't quickly pop outside and beat it to death, powered by an outburst of sleep deprived psychosis, so I eventually yield at about 5.30 am and resign myself to yet another day of perpetual fatigue whilst having to endure the dregs of western society proclaim 'it ain't half hot, Mum'. Although, having said that, their vocabulary transcends that of your average guest on the Jeremy Kyle Show - the nation's favourite television program, in which indecipherable grunts are generally flavour of the hour, only to be interrupted by the omnipresent Kyle's interjections of 'Oi, shut up. I'm talking!'

    Indeed the 'heat' of the British summer has arrived, but not as you or I of the Siamese expat set know it. Heat, real heat, is when you can't see properly, when you can't move five paces without breaking into cascades of thick perpiration, when you consider yourself moments from an untimely demise courtesy of having your brain melted into a congealed ball of benign matter.

    This, on the other hand, is a chilly day in Chiang Mai at best. But it still serves as an open invitation for all an sundry to air their summer attire, which in some cases has obviously never seen beyond the realms of the wardrobe before. I had the misfortune earlier to pass a larger lady who appeared to have swallowed her shorts up her arse. I couldn't tell if her glowing brow was a direct result of the sun's rays or if she was choking on her fucking underpants. I didn't stop to ask through fear of literallly being eaten alive in between gargantuan gulps of diet coke.

    On the plus side, people are using the pub beer gardens, giving me free reign of the interior and its sweet, sweet produce....



  2. #2
    Thailand Expat
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    ^ remember in the heat of summer you need to keep up your fluid intake. I suppose you've got that situation well in hand.

  3. #3
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    ^ Over in Thailand I was drinking about 4 litres of water a day. Here you sort of forget about it - even though it's free from the tap.

    On the lager front I'm barely managing it these days - get home from work at 8pm fucking exhausted, sup a pint, eat dinner from a tin, go to bed. Rat-race defined.

  4. #4
    loob lor geezer
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post

    On the lager front I'm barely managing it these days - get home from work at 8pm fucking exhausted, sup a pint, eat dinner from a tin, go to bed. Rat-race defined.
    Look on the bright side , least you've got a job. Work dulls the pain . Be a real bummer to be stuck there walking the streets on a grey day with no spondoons coming in.

  5. #5
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bangyai
    least you've got a job
    I'd have been back weeks ago if I didn't work, Bangers. Not too painful at the mo, and there's light at the end of the tunnel if I get too annoyed with these people.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    even though it's free from the tap
    It's not free

    3 days after I got back here I was hit with water, gas, electricity, and Council Tax bills all at the same time. Bastards!

    Still, the weather is lovely and as I live on the biggest university campus in Europe the blart is a lot better looking than down your way
    The Above Post May Contain Strong Language, Flashing Lights, or Violent Scenes.

  7. #7
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by DrB0b
    Still, the weather is lovely
    It's pleasant. Although I'm still walking about in trousers and a jumper.

  8. #8
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by DrB0b
    3 days after I got back here I was hit with water, gas, electricity, and Council Tax bills all at the same time. Bastards!
    That made I chuckle.

  9. #9
    Being chased by sloths DJ Pat's Avatar
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    In London last week it was a bit cool, which suited me. When I got to the O2 Arena to see Depeche Mode, it was sweaty as fuck in there. 20,000 people all stinking and sweating without aircon. Warm beer in plastic glasses is the only decent drink available, which is a disgrace. apart from the show itself, I'd think twice about going to the O2 again.

    I went to Falmouth today, everyone dressed like it's a fucking heatwave whereas I can still feel the cold breeze, so I set off, jacket & sanwiches and a banana in my small backpack, for a nice walk over to the scenic gardens of Mylor, only to find the place full of students and parents with kids taking over the place.

    So I returned home, and I'll be heading to the other coast, the Atlantic coastal path for a good ramble along a well kept path with views out towards Novia Scotia, obviously I can't see it but if I swam in a straight line I'd eventually.....drown.

  10. #10
    splendid and tremendous
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    ^ Jolly good show, Pat. Take your camera with you.

    The most interesting thing I've done all day is pop down the BP garage for a ginsters slice and a packet of crisps.

  11. #11
    Being chased by sloths DJ Pat's Avatar
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    Went via Tehidy Country park and woods to the coastal path, great views and an ideal location to consume my banana & cheese sandwiches. Liquid relief came from an ancient monumental well which had a drinking fountain dating back to 1857. Dodging squirrels on my way back I'd just come out to the car park of Tehidy woods and down the road a herd of bulls had broken their fence and about 20 of them were menacing the small lane (South drive) next to the car park. Dog owners locked their dogs in their cars as these beasts noisily made their way toward Tehidy Golf course. I felt brave and fearless and with just 5 bulls around attempted to walk along the lane towards Illogan. No way.

    A cyclist was coming the other way and one bull galloped after him for about 10 metres so I went back to the refuge of the car park. The emergency services were called and I had to make a long detour back through the woods to get home. My walk totalled about 10 miles. A good walk in the fresh air, and I've got a tan on my face and arms to show for it!





    Nearby Portreath harbour 3 miles along the coast:

    Last edited by DJ Pat; 07-06-2013 at 04:47 AM.

  12. #12
    Neo
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    Cheer up Slap.. soon be winter

  13. #13
    splendid and tremendous
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    ^^ Good effort, Pat. Being in close proximity to the sea is always a soul soother - even if you can't see it.


    Quote Originally Posted by Neo
    soon be winter
    Slightly overcast this morning. Like it. Like it a lot.

    Bring on the dark winter evenings.

  14. #14
    Lord of Swine
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  15. #15
    Love Thailand Carnwadrick's Avatar
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    I love those summers from way back then, Dad sitting on the front lawn reading the daily news with the hanky tied at four corners on his head and the pant legs rolled up to his knees... lovely sight

  16. #16
    ความสุขในอีสาน
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    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Pat
    When I got to the O2 Arena to see Depeche Mode,
    Pfffffttt ! you tint your hair for that one ?

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    On the plus side, people are using the pub beer gardens, giving me free reign of the interior and its sweet, sweet produce....
    there's rules against posting beer porn here!

    Quote Originally Posted by DrB0b
    Still, the weather is lovely and as I live on the biggest university campus in Europe the blart is a lot better looking than down your way
    Trinity ?

  18. #18
    ความสุขในอีสาน
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    These so-called summer months in the U.K are becoming rather tiresome. Firstly, the sun, after having seemingly been under lock and key for first 5 months of the year, is a little bit too enthusiastic for my liking.
    Glad you confirmed that one mate , I think people think I was kidding on here when I told em we still had the heating on in June , it was 9 degrees here on the coast Sunday afternoon !

    BTW that glass looks a sexy bit of kit , we might well be in the Croydon area on a Sunday soon as believe it or not thats where I originate from , well just a bit south of there so mabe we can come and buy you a swift half ,,
    I'm proud of my 38" waist , also proud I have never done drugs

  19. #19
    splendid and tremendous
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    When are you going to Thailand Nige?

    I was hoping to pop into to your place to eat you out of house and home before you went...

  20. #20
    Sprayed On Member
    The Fresh Prince's Avatar
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    I've just experienced my first British summer in the last 10 years. I think I caught all four days of it.

    On my first morning back I was standing outside my digs dressed in jeans, shirt and a jacket, just watching the Birmingham work force begin their day. Most were already dressed in shorts and T-Shirts and as one guy was power walking up the street he announced to me

    "GLORIOUS MORNING ISN'T IT?!",

    "Yes" I replied.

    As I exhaled and watched my own breath disappear in a white cloud I knew I was lying. It's bloody freezing. I've been getting strange looks every day for my winter clothes but my face has caught a bit of a tan as every beer garden we go to everyone insists in sitting in direct sunlight to catch every last drop.

    Well they've had it now as its pissing down. I've not been out yet but I wouldn't be surprised if everyone is still in denial that its finished, and shorts and tshirt are still the order of the day.

  21. #21
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    we're in London for the summer .
    loving the coolness of the weather as a whole.
    the late warm light nights and yes slap we're loving those early sunrises (soon to be solstice).

    Beer is fine too but not sure of 1664..

  22. #22
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    Which pub you in there slap?

  23. #23
    Being chased by sloths DJ Pat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nigelandjan View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Pat
    When I got to the O2 Arena to see Depeche Mode,
    Pfffffttt ! you tint your hair for that one ?
    Why would I?

  24. #24
    En route
    Cujo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Pat View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by nigelandjan View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Pat
    When I got to the O2 Arena to see Depeche Mode,
    Pfffffttt ! you tint your hair for that one ?
    Why would I?
    Why would you see depeche mode.

  25. #25
    Being chased by sloths DJ Pat's Avatar
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    Because they rock the house


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