For those who love to correct other BM's English.....

[SpicyMartin]

If they're non-native English speakers, please spare a thought..........

You think English is easy?

Perhaps a retired English teacher was bored when she wrote this.

(And I've taken all the highlights out to make it just that wee bit harder!!)


1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture..

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert..

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear..

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?


Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig..

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?


You lovers of the English language might enjoy this ..

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?
Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends.
And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.
We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
At other times the little word has real special meaning.
People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.
A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.
We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary.
In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used.
It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.
When the sun comes out we say it is clearingUP.
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP,
for now my time is UP,
so.......it is time to shut UP!

[bobo746]

If i could read it i might know what you are on about.

All good now

[Rural Surin]

I guess that let's me off the hook...

[SpicyMartin]

I guess that let's me off the hook...

Or....... "that's let"......

[BaitongBoy]

lets?...

[Bangyai]

I guess that let's me off the hook...

Or....... "that's let"......

Let's not let a letter let us down eh ?

[nidhogg]

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'

Fuck yeah - but the four letter word wins hands down:


It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck). It can also be used as an adjective (Mar is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary.)
It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fuck she's also stupid).
As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word "fuck".

Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to many situations:
1. Greetings "How the fuck are ya?"
2. Fraud "I got fucked by the car dealer."
3. Resignation "Oh, fuck it!"
4. Trouble "I guess I'm fucked now."
5. Aggression "FUCK YOU!"
6. Disgust "Fuck me."
7. Confusion "What the fuck.......?"
8. Difficulty "I don't understand this fucking business!"
9. Despair "Fucked again..."
10. Pleasure "I fucking couldn't be happier."
11. Displeasure "What the fuck is going on here?"
12. Lost "Where the fuck are we."
13. Disbelief "UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE!"
14. Retaliation "Up your fucking ass!"
15. Denial "I didn't fucking do it."
16. Perplexity "I know fuck all about it."
17. Apathy "Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?"
18. Greetings "How the fuck are ya?"
19. Suspicion "Who the fuck are you?"
20. Panic "Let's get the fuck out of here."
21. Directions "Fuck off."
22. Disbelief "How the fuck did you do that?"

It can be used in an anatomical description- "He's a fucking asshole."
It can be used to tell time- "It's five fucking thirty."
It can be used in business- "How did I wind up with this fucking job?"
It can be maternal- "Motherfucker."
It can be political- "Fuck Dan Quayle!"
It has also been used by many notable people throughout history:

"What the fuck was that?"
Mayor of Hiroshima

"Where did all these fucking Indians come from?" General Custer

"Where the fuck is all this water coming from?" Captain of the Titanic

"Thats not a real fucking gun."
John Lennon

"Who's gonna fucking find out?"
Richard Nixon

"Heads are going to fucking roll."
Anne Boleyn

"Let the fucking woman drive."
Commander of Space Shuttle "Challenger"

"What fucking map?"
Mark Thatcher

"Any fucking idiot could understand that."
Albert Einstein

"How the fuck did you work that out?"
Pythagoras

"You want what on the fucking ceiling?"
Michaelangelo

"Fuck a duck."
Walt Disney

"Why?- Because its fucking there!"
Edmund Hilary

"I don't suppose its gonna fucking rain?"
Joan of Arc

"Scattered fucking showers my ass."
Noah

"I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head."
John F. Kennedy

[VocalNeal]

All a load of BS. Not many of the sentences would be used in everyday English they are mostly contrived.

Let's see.

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

Well unless the wound is 360 degrees you wind a bandage around a body part like "the bandage was wound around the finger"

If one wanted to be pedantic " The bandage covered the wound, it was not wound around it"

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

Only the US and Canada call vegetables produce. Why ? Only they know that.

"The farm was used to produce vegetables"

And so on. Except maybe the Polish furniture

Please don't get me started again on bycycling.

[peaches]

4) We must polish the Polish furniture..

Poli-sh-it in the corner

[Necron99]

I still think Alitonkat is actually posting in his native language, but from an alternate universe where everything is just a few shades...dumber..

[SpicyMartin]

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'

Fuck yeah - but the four letter word wins hands down:


It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck). It can also be used as an adjective (Mar is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary.)
It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fuck she's also stupid).
As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word "fuck".

Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to many situations:
1. Greetings "How the fuck are ya?"
2. Fraud "I got fucked by the car dealer."
3. Resignation "Oh, fuck it!"
4. Trouble "I guess I'm fucked now."
5. Aggression "FUCK YOU!"
6. Disgust "Fuck me."
7. Confusion "What the fuck.......?"
8. Difficulty "I don't understand this fucking business!"
9. Despair "Fucked again..."
10. Pleasure "I fucking couldn't be happier."
11. Displeasure "What the fuck is going on here?"
12. Lost "Where the fuck are we."
13. Disbelief "UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE!"
14. Retaliation "Up your fucking ass!"
15. Denial "I didn't fucking do it."
16. Perplexity "I know fuck all about it."
17. Apathy "Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?"
18. Greetings "How the fuck are ya?"
19. Suspicion "Who the fuck are you?"
20. Panic "Let's get the fuck out of here."
21. Directions "Fuck off."
22. Disbelief "How the fuck did you do that?"

It can be used in an anatomical description- "He's a fucking asshole."
It can be used to tell time- "It's five fucking thirty."
It can be used in business- "How did I wind up with this fucking job?"
It can be maternal- "Motherfucker."
It can be political- "Fuck Dan Quayle!"
It has also been used by many notable people throughout history:

"What the fuck was that?"
Mayor of Hiroshima

"Where did all these fucking Indians come from?" General Custer

"Where the fuck is all this water coming from?" Captain of the Titanic

"Thats not a real fucking gun."
John Lennon

"Who's gonna fucking find out?"
Richard Nixon

"Heads are going to fucking roll."
Anne Boleyn

"Let the fucking woman drive."
Commander of Space Shuttle "Challenger"

"What fucking map?"
Mark Thatcher

"Any fucking idiot could understand that."
Albert Einstein

"How the fuck did you work that out?"
Pythagoras

"You want what on the fucking ceiling?"
Michaelangelo

"Fuck a duck."
Walt Disney

"Why?- Because its fucking there!"
Edmund Hilary

"I don't suppose its gonna fucking rain?"
Joan of Arc

"Scattered fucking showers my ass."
Noah

"I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head."
John F. Kennedy

You don't mention my fave, which also makes perfect sense:

"Fuck! The fucker fucked the fucking fucker!"

[Neep]

...
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

Well unless the wound is 360 degrees you wind a bandage around a body part like "the bandage was wound around the finger"

If one wanted to be pedantic " The bandage covered the wound, it was not wound around it"

If the wound was longitudinal and wasn't the full length of the finger, the bandage could be described as being wound around the wound.

[ltnt]

^or appendage?

[Neep]

^or appendage?

I think either would be correct in the circumstances.

But could a bandage be wound around a tarts axe wound?

[EggSandwich]

a few shades...dumber..

^

So English is the ownly language where one word means two or more things? I doubt that some how.

I would always give people a break if they are writing in a second language. In fact it impresses me immensely, but as Necron says, some people have no excuse!

[DrAndy]

Fuck yeah - but the four letter word wins hands down: It can be an action verb (John

yadda yadda yadda

Fuck yeah - but the four letter word wins hands down: It can be an action verb (John yadda bullshit

All a load of BS

absolutely, copy and paste is wonderful

[nidhogg]

Oh look. Andy comes to shit on yet another thread....

[misskit]

Colonel is pronounced kernel. WTF is that about?

[BaitongBoy]

^Corn, I think...