Drugman pontificates about the dangers of bikes.

Well dodgy. After being shitfaced on cocktails of drugs never try and ride your bike. Unless you know for sure you can. Get the ladyboys to load you onto the back of the bike, and get a couple of them on the front. At the first kareoke bar, give all of your cash to the nearest thai bloke, so that you are secure in the knowledge that you and yours are safe as. Never wear glittery suits. They mark you out as potential roadkill. Go to the gym everyday, to ensure you are supple enough to give your sphincter a parting peck.