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  1. #1
    anonymous ant
    tsicar's Avatar
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    If You Died In Thailand

    if you were to croak in thailand:
    would you want your leftovers to be burned at a thai temple with all the pomp and ceremony and bullshit?
    would you want your family to blow a couple of hundred thousand of your hard-earned baht on a drunken party for the locals who hardly even knew you, or cared a fukk about you, have them invade your home and drink your beer and vomit and pass out in your garden?

    if all goes according to plan, i will probably live out the rest of my days in thailand, but the above scenario scares the shit out of me.
    is there anybody out there that would be prepared, for around the same kind of money as a thai funeral would cost, to pop around to my place after i die, and shove a couple of sticks of explosive up my arse, to ensure that if my wish to be left to rot on a mountain somewhere to provide feed for vultures etc is disregarded and i somehow end up being cremated at a thai temple..........................................!
    brrrzzzzt, brrrzzzt!
    beep!. ting, ting
    redirecting, please be patient..........:

    hello, insect!
    brrrzzzt, brrrzzzt..................

  2. #2
    Northern Hermit
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    Quote Originally Posted by tsicar
    but the above scenario scares the shit out of me.
    Why? You will be dead. It will have no effect on that. you will still be dead, just a carcass that needs to be disposed of before it festers and becoms a breading ground for maggots, bacteria and other vermin. If You want to be sure what ever money you have does not go to a big party give it away. NOW.

    I'll PM my bank details.
    When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty -- T. Jefferson


  3. #3
    anonymous ant
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    Quote Originally Posted by friscofrankie View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by tsicar
    but the above scenario scares the shit out of me.
    Why? You will be dead. It will have no effect on that. you will still be dead, just a carcass that needs to be disposed of before it festers and becoms a breading ground for maggots, bacteria and other vermin. If You want to be sure what ever money you have does not go to a big party give it away. NOW.

    I'll PM my bank details.
    i believe in the cycle of nature, and would really want my rotting flesh and bones to return to the cycle.
    if they gonna burn me and pollute the air, i would like to "go out with a BANG!"

    ...........and take out that hideous gaudy gilt-daubed structure and all it's bald, orange-frocked fraudsters in one last great blaze of glory!

  4. #4
    I am in Jail

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    I would like a Thai ceremony. Not expensive -- depends how many days and how many monk chants. The party's the best thing! And everyone donates for it, so not like you give it all for free.

  5. #5
    anonymous ant
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jet Gorgon View Post
    I would like a Thai ceremony. Not expensive -- depends how many days and how many monk chants. The party's the best thing! And everyone donates for it, so not like you give it all for free.
    well,
    come to MY funeral then:
    it's gonna be a BLAST!!

  6. #6
    Knows fok all
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    Good Catholic burial for me got a nice family plot at St Patricks in Leytonstone.

  7. #7
    Sprayed On Member
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    I'd like to be burned ceremoniously and then snorted at the after party.

  8. #8
    Thailand Expat
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    I'd help you out Tsicar if I had the stomach for corpses arses.
    I'd be up to dumping you in the sea if your interested, It dose fill your requirements.

    I quite fancy a burial at sea myself.

  9. #9
    anonymous ant
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shitdigit View Post
    I'd help you out Tsicar if I had the stomach for corpses arses.
    I'd be up to dumping you in the sea if your interested, It dose fill your requirements.

    I quite fancy a burial at sea myself.
    yep, that sounds good, too.
    but i can't help but think i need an "insurance policy", so that i can get even if some idiot tries to burn me at a temple instead of respecting my wishes.
    the dynamite sounds like it would be a lot of fun, who knows-might even spawn an idea for someone to make a movie about flying monks and stuff.

  10. #10
    Pronce. PH said so AGAIN!
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    I'd like my rotting carcass to be suspended over a motorway bridge so bits of me fall off onto the cars driving below.

    Failing that I'd be cremated and have my ashes blown into Jet's face.

  11. #11
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by tsicar View Post
    yep, that sounds good, too.
    but i can't help but think i need an "insurance policy", so that i can get even if some idiot tries to burn me at a temple instead of respecting my wishes.
    the dynamite sounds like it would be a lot of fun, who knows-might even spawn an idea for someone to make a movie about flying monks and stuff.
    I think someone already did a film about a flying Nun, a bit boring though and not half the visual impact or element of surprise yours would have.

    Yes your way is much better, still need to find an arse fiend to do the stick insertion though.
    Any trusted Thais you know up to it?

  12. #12
    Thailand Expat nedwalk's Avatar
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    only trouble when inserting a 'charge' in the arse of something dead, it tends to ouze out before you get enough time to clear and set the charge, quite funny though when you manage the job

  13. #13
    Thailand Expat

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    A serious question here, ---
    If my Thai wife pre-deceases me, how much should the cremation cost?
    She comes from a middle class Thai family. The cremation would take place up country where her mother was cremated no doubt.
    Would 50,000 baht cover it?

    Reason I ask is that I expect the wifes scheming daughter would ask for an excessive amount and keep the change for herself.

  14. #14
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by Panda
    Would 50,000 baht cover it?
    Less than that...fuk the after party for the cnuts you never knew

  15. #15
    Thailand Expat Boon Mee's Avatar
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    I'll die in Thailand most likely and I plan on spending it all before I go down the chute at my local Wat. Last check I write will be for the Monks there and it'll bounce...

  16. #16
    Sprayed On Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Panda
    Would 50,000 baht cover it?
    It was only 40,000 for a funeral I went to a couple of years back and the guy being burned was about 95kg.

    I think its calculated by how heavy you are and if your a farrang or not.

  17. #17
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    Have the burning along with a luktung concert-marvelous way to go. They stop the concert about 10 PM roast you then back to the concert, you can have some nice extras such as having you name spelt out in fireworks, a few rockets etc. Cost 300-400k for a good do and better than having a few miserable old buggers round the house for sandwiches, better to go out with a bang.

  18. #18
    Days Work Done! Norton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jarvis
    Would 50,000 baht cover it?
    Depends on how extravagant you want to go.

    40k-50k pretty basic. 70k is what it cost for the recent funeral of the mil. Can easily be 100k upcountry if there is an "open" bar policy over the 4 to 5 day celebration.

  19. #19
    Sprayed On Member
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    You can probably make 30K back from donations.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jet Gorgon View Post
    I would like a Thai ceremony. Not expensive -- depends how many days and how many monk chants. The party's the best thing! And everyone donates for it, so not like you give it all for free.
    .....and then there is the 100-day tamboon to follow.

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Panda View Post
    A serious question here, ---
    If my Thai wife pre-deceases me, how much should the cremation cost?
    She comes from a middle class Thai family. The cremation would take place up country where her mother was cremated no doubt.
    Would 50,000 baht cover it?

    Reason I ask is that I expect the wifes scheming daughter would ask for an excessive amount and keep the change for herself.
    One could always insist upon an itemized recipt towards proposed scamming....

  22. #22
    Thailand Expat

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    So, 50 K it is, and the family can chuck in the rest if they want a big party.

    Next is to find a private crematorium in Bangkok that will reduce me to ashes when I go so that my daughter doesn't have to go through all the hassle of shipping my old bod back home.

  23. #23
    Days Work Done! Norton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Panda
    Next is to find a private crematorium in Bangkok
    If your not worried about religious implications, any temple will do.

  24. #24
    Thailand Expat
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    go for 100k

  25. #25
    Thailand Expat
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    How much was the wedding?

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