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  1. #1
    loob lor geezer
    Bangyai's Avatar
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    Irate Passport Application

    Apparently, someone working at the passport office recieved this application form........liked it , and posted it on the net. It has the all too sad ring of truth to it :
    ............................................


    Dear Minister,

    I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through. How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?

    How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors working for the government?
    How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time.Do you people do this by hand?

    You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law,every time our lords and masters are up for re-election.
    Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and the day I die!

    I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then you ask me for my address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake! I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.

    Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile in case we look as if we are enjoying the process!
    Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally jacked off!

    I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years at the Ministry of Defence in London. I have had security clearances which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the Services. However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am --you know, someone like my doctor...who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago WAS LIVING IN PAKISTAN...

    Yours sincerely,

    An Irate British Citizen.

    .................................................. .


    Pretty well speaks for a lot of us

  2. #2
    I am in Jail
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    Explains why so many British folks are happy here.At least if you have to put up with a bureaucracy the weather is better.UK is most montored place on earth .BBC announced 5 minutes ago on world service that you can choose to watch 4 public webcams online now. However they are very good at drinking beer inventing sports and spreading the mother tongue,imagine if the Irish had had to learn German the Americans French or the Australians manners unguided

  3. #3
    Thailand Expat
    DrAndy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bangyai
    Apparently, someone working at the passport office recieved this application form........
    apparently you believed it

    but it was quite amusing

  4. #4
    Pedantic bastard
    nidhogg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DrAndy View Post
    but it was quite amusing
    Its doing the rounds in one form or another. However, the real fun is to be had imagining how people would scream if the government said

    "Right. Fuck it". We are putting ALL your data into one central computer, accessible by anyone with the right password. And we mean EVERY FUCKING THING. Including the medical records that show you had that "object" surgically removed from your anus five years ago. That will give the boys a giggle when sorting out your passport details"......

  5. #5
    This is not my avatar
    NickA's Avatar
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    This one again

  6. #6
    Banned

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    George Orwell was reasonably close, yes? Information obsessed. 'ID' obsessed. Consumer obsessed.

  7. #7
    I am in Jail
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bangyai View Post
    Apparently, someone working at the passport office recieved this application form........liked it , and posted it on the net. It has the all too sad ring of truth to it :
    ............................................


    Dear Minister,

    I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through. How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?

    How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors working for the government?
    How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time.Do you people do this by hand?

    You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law,every time our lords and masters are up for re-election.
    Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and the day I die!

    I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then you ask me for my address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake! I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.

    Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile in case we look as if we are enjoying the process!
    Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally jacked off!

    I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years at the Ministry of Defence in London. I have had security clearances which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the Services. However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am --you know, someone like my doctor...who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago WAS LIVING IN PAKISTAN...

    Yours sincerely,

    An Irate British Citizen.

    .................................................. .


    Pretty well speaks for a lot of us
    That's an absolute GEM, you have really cheered me up tonight, brilliant!

  8. #8
    Dan
    Guest
    This was going round fucking ages ago.

  9. #9
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by nidhogg View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by DrAndy View Post
    but it was quite amusing
    Its doing the rounds in one form or another. However, the real fun is to be had imagining how people would scream if the government said

    "Right. Fuck it". We are putting ALL your data into one central computer, accessible by anyone with the right password. And we mean EVERY FUCKING THING. Including the medical records that show you had that "object" surgically removed from your anus five years ago. That will give the boys a giggle when sorting out your passport details"......
    They did try, national identity card, it was howled down.

  10. #10
    Not an expat
    Fabian's Avatar
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    We have an national ID card an still you have to fill out stupid forms with name, address and birth date and then show your ID to prove it is you while the aforementioned information is printed on the ID card.

    And forms being send home is really convenient compared to have to drive down to the district office.

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