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  1. #1
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    New Thai Product Range AFP 20:00

    Mistine, the ever so "Hi So" make up company that supplies the exclusive prestige boutiques of 7/11 and watsons, today announced it's new range of products for the discerning Thai ladies.

    Mistine spokeswoman Jandara Jandara spoke to national TV and press agencies today, to announce the latest range of Thai skin care and beauty range.

    Jandara said that in the current light of Thai society becoming ever more neurotic, schyzophrenic and paranoid, Misitne would be ending their skin whitening product range and introducing three new ranges designed specifically for the mentally challenged Thai that wanted to wear their heart on their sleeve.

    A new range of skin "reddening lotions", including "Crimson" underarm reddener, Elbow red glow, knee bloom and Mongolian/Himilayan cheek blusher,was going to be made available in the North and Northeast, in response to demands by the locals to reflect their support for former premier Thaksin.

    In the central and Bangkok regions, a new line of skin yellowing products would be available, to allow the "liberal" wealthy Thais the ability to colour themselves in a tone associated with airport blockades, government house sit ins and general anti social behaviour. This product was also going to be made available in a long lasting 24/7 version, but involved a bit of liver surgery and was particularly suited to the wealthier elite classes and would not be sold over the counter.

    Mistine promises that within one week, the Elite Thai should be instantly recognizable by their putrid yellow hue, or they offer a money back warranty.

    Mistine also announced that it was not going to introduce the skin blueing range, as it may confuse the elite and middle classes in the central region who, despite giving the premiss of an education, would have difficulty in making the correct choice and may end up taking both the yellow and blue, and end up turning green, which would make them appear associated with Green parties, taking care of the planet or being concerned for environmental issues, when in fact, nothing was further from there minds.

    The third range will be introduced in the Southern provinces, and will be called "Clean Smelling Muslims" it's ingredients are believed to be a range of natural herbs and extracts that are easily absorbed through the skin, such as Arsenic, Tetanus and various fungal spores. Mistine spokeswoman Jandars said that the desired look was a sort of Muslim Grey palour, that would blend in with the way Thais expect and like to see Muslims.

    She also hinted at a new range of products would be available soon in the major resorts of Pattaya and Phuket, specifically designed with the older Farang in mind, the product range is to be marketed under the slogan "married to a beautiful young Thai girl/Katoey - need a long stay visa? apply liberally everyday and your problems are gone!"

    Many Thais were seen buying up the first products for friends and family in the Southern provinces and Cambodia, with the Clean Smelling Muslim brand being the highest seller.

  2. #2
    I am in Jail
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    In response, Japanese Shit Catchers, Mamy Poko have decided to halt all TV adverts in Thailand that broadcast "Mamy Poko Size "M"" as it seemed to limit their marketing and was forcing parents of small children and larger children to be either overcome or squeezed into size "M" shit catchers.

    A spokesman for Mamy Poko said "fuck knows who approved that advert - we make XS, S , SM, MS, M, ML, LM, X, XL, XXL, shit , we even make shit catchers for fat old incontinent pensioners- you drop it - we can catch it...our new catchphrase, "NO SHIT IS TOO BIG OR TOO SMALL FOR MAMY POKO - We'VE GOT YOUR ASS COVERED!" Apparently the Mamy Poko Size M catch phrase was a cost saving drive to limit air time costs on TV.

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