Flaming Porksword

[Gerbil]

Grease Fire: Pure oxygen flows from a metal pipe through a core of baked prosciutto, generating a grease fire hot enough to ignite steel and burn a hole clear through this pan. A wrapping of less-flammable uncooked prosciutto focuses the flame into an intense bacon-plasma torch Mike Walker


I recently committed myself to the goal, before the weekend was out, of creating a device entirely from bacon and using it to cut a steel pan in half. My initial attempts were failures, but I knew success was within reach when I was able to ignite and melt the pan using seven beef sticks and a cucumber.

No, seriously. The device I built was a form of thermal lance. A thermal lance, typically made of iron instead of bacon, is used to cut up scrap metal and rescue people from collapsed buildings. It works by blowing pure oxygen gas through a pipe packed with iron and magnesium rods. These metals are surprisingly flammable in pure oxygen, releasing a huge amount of heat as they are consumed. The result is a jet of superheated iron plasma coming out of the end of the pipe. For sheer destructive force, few tools match a thermal lance. But iron isn't the only thing that's flammable in a stream of pure oxygen.


Meat Sticks: The author wrapped slices of prosciutto around fiberglass rods, baked them dry, and bundled seven tubes into a bacon fuel core Mike Walker

Bacon is fattening because it contains a lot of chemical energy tied up in its proteins, and especially in its fat. You can release that energy either by digesting it or by burning it with a healthy supply of oxygen. The challenge isn't creating the heat; it's engineering a bacon structure strong enough to withstand the stress of a 5,000°F bacon plasma flame.

I used prosciutto (Italian for "expensive bacon") because it is a superior engineering grade of meat. I wrapped slices of it into thin tubes and baked them overnight in a warm oven to drive off all the water. Then I bundled seven of those together, wrapped them in additional slices, and baked the bundle again until it was hard and dry.

From Table to Torch


Green Lantern: A cucumber makes an even better edible thermal-lance housing, since its outer rind contains the pressure of the very hot flame without burning up


To make an airtight, less-flammable outer casing, I wrapped this fuel core with uncooked prosciutto before attaching one end of it to an oxygen hose. You can't imagine the feeling of triumph when I first saw the telltale signs of burning iron: sparks bursting from the metal, and then a rush of flame out of the other side as I witnessed perhaps the first-ever example of bacon-cut steel. And the lance kept on burning for about a minute.

It turns out there are much easier ways to do this. For example, while researching how to build a vegetarian lance, I hit on the perfect pipe material -- hollowed-out cucumbers. The pressure-containment capacity of a standard cucumber is remarkable, and the smooth skin makes it easy to create an airtight seal with the pipe delivering oxygen to the device. A cucumber packed with beef sticks will burn for almost two minutes, and a completely vegetarian version stuffed with breadsticks, though not quite as long-lasting, still produces a very impressive flame.

The lesson here is that food is a source of serious amounts of energy. Pure oxygen helps release it in a much shorter time than usual, but it's really the chemical energy in the bacon that makes the steel pan burn. Whether it's worth building a bacon lance to demonstrate this -- well, only you can be the judge of that.

[baldrick]

or a bacon AK47

[blackgang]

I ran an OXY lance for awhile cutting scrap armor plate off of scrapped ships, but now I think it is done with Plasma, very fine thing that Plasma burning tool.

[barbaro]

prosciutto (Italian for "expensive bacon")

It looks darn gooooood.

[Happyman]

Used a lance many times .
A bit more basic than the 'Jamie Oliver' one above.

Need -
Oxygen cylinder
Length of half inch steel conduit.
Empty bean tin
Bit of rag.
Some old engine oil

Method

Connect the conduit to the oxygen hose
Dip the rag in the oil
Put in the tin and light it.
Put the end of the conduit in the tin and turn the oxygen on a little .
The end of the conduit will start to sparkle and burn.
Pull it out and place the tip on whatever you want to cut and turn the oxygen up to full .
Screw on another length of conduit when it gets too short and start again !

Works on concrete - re-bars and steel sheeting and is bloody quick !

Used it to chop up collapsed buildings during the 4 earthquake rescue operations I was involved in during the 70's & early 80's.

P.s. Knowing how pickey some posters are I must clarify that it dosn't have to be a bean tin - any tin will do the trick

[kingwilly]

waaaaaaaaaay to much time on his hands.

[PlanK]

or a bacon AK47

Wouldn't sell well in the Mid-East. Is it like the new Coke? Get's everyone to appreciate the original more.