Results 1 to 20 of 20
  1. #1
    Thailand Expat
    chassamui's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Bali
    Posts
    11,678

    The 'Up To You' Culture

    Having said in another thread that I prefer the Thai ‘up to you’ culture, rather than the nanny state in UK, I find myself eating my own words now. In conversations with the gf, it always crops up.

    Me: Do you want to go out tonight?
    GF: Up to you’
    Me: what do you fancy doing this weekend?
    GF: Up to you
    Me: We need to find a long term house rental. Where would you prefer to live?
    GF: Up to you
    Me: Should i buy a second hand car, a pick up or a bike. What do you think?
    GF: Up to you

    Is it Thai thing? They don’t want to make decisions? Or is it a woman thing, my ex was a bloody nightmare at making decisions, (She was Libran though)

    Do they think I will come back and blame them if they contribute to a decision? Do they want exclusive rights to blame me when things go wrong, because I have to make all the choices? Maybe it’s like I read somewhere else, they are just plain lazy?

    Anyone throw any light on it?
    Heart of Gold and a Knob of butter.

  2. #2
    I don't know barbaro's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    on pacific ocean, south america
    Posts
    21,406
    First of all, the "nanny state" is a reference to governmental intrusion into citizens lives.

    "up to you," is about personal relationships regarding decision making.

    Please make note and differentiate.

  3. #3
    ทำไมคุณแปลนี้
    filch's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Last Online
    02-01-2019 @ 08:15 PM
    Location
    In yer eyeballs
    Posts
    2,480
    Quote Originally Posted by Milkman View Post
    First of all, the "nanny state" is a reference to governmental intrusion into citizens lives.

    "up to you," is about personal relationships regarding decision making.

    Please make note and differentiate.

    What he said!

    P.S. Get a gf that has a brain!

  4. #4
    Thailand Expat
    chassamui's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Bali
    Posts
    11,678
    Quote Originally Posted by filch View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Milkman View Post
    First of all, the "nanny state" is a reference to governmental intrusion into citizens lives.

    "up to you," is about personal relationships regarding decision making.

    Please make note and differentiate.

    What he said!

    P.S. Get a gf that has a brain!
    Bollocking accepted. I used up to you as a Thai metaphor for freedom of choice. I accept this was incorrect and will lash my self later as a punishment.

    If i wanted a GF with a brain i would have not divorced the last one. I prefer compliant, to argumentative smart arse women like PB

    Care to have a stab at answering the thread now?

  5. #5
    Have you got any cheese Thetyim's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Mousehole
    Posts
    20,902
    Being married to a thai is like a pantomime horse act.

    You are in the front and leading the way but the hind legs are pointing the head in the right direction.

  6. #6
    Thailand Expat Boon Mee's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Last Online
    13-09-2019 @ 04:18 PM
    Location
    Samui
    Posts
    44,721
    Quote Originally Posted by Thetyim View Post
    Being married to a thai is like a pantomime horse act.

    You are in the front and leading the way but the hind legs are pointing the head in the right direction.
    That's a good analogy, Thetyim. Having been married to a Thai for >28 years now, the fun never stops!. Tham jai khun = up to you and it does have several interpretations for the farang & the Thai. Generally, if the Thai does not have strong feelings one way or another about a subject she will say "up to you" and it's not meant in a disrespective tone.

    The thing about the Thai culture and Farang is there's more freedom of choice in Thailand than in Farangland - generally more personal freedoms too. Many moons ago when I brought my wife to the states for an extended visit she remarked after being there for a while: "What's this sh*t about Land of the Free & Home of the Brave anyhow?" "I get this Home of the Brave but this place certainly isn't the Land of the Free"

    Couldn't agree with her more...
    A Deplorable Bitter Clinger

  7. #7
    ทำไมคุณแปลนี้
    filch's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Last Online
    02-01-2019 @ 08:15 PM
    Location
    In yer eyeballs
    Posts
    2,480
    Quote Originally Posted by chassamui View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by filch View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Milkman View Post
    First of all, the "nanny state" is a reference to governmental intrusion into citizens lives.

    "up to you," is about personal relationships regarding decision making.

    Please make note and differentiate.

    What he said!

    P.S. Get a gf that has a brain!
    Bollocking accepted. I used up to you as a Thai metaphor for freedom of choice. I accept this was incorrect and will lash my self later as a punishment.


    If i wanted a GF with a brain i would have not divorced the last one. I prefer compliant, to argumentative smart arse women like PB

    Care to have a stab at answering the thread now?
    If the advice posted so far hasn't given you any idea, then I feel you're going to be disappointed.

    I think you have to choose what you want. Dominant woman, woman with a brain, someone who adds value to your life or a subservient woman.

    The choice is yours here in what was 'LOS'.

  8. #8
    Thailand Expat
    chassamui's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Bali
    Posts
    11,678
    Quote Originally Posted by Boon Mee View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Thetyim View Post
    Being married to a thai is like a pantomime horse act.

    You are in the front and leading the way but the hind legs are pointing the head in the right direction.
    That's a good analogy, Thetyim. Having been married to a Thai for >28 years now, the fun never stops!. Tham jai khun = up to you and it does have several interpretations for the farang & the Thai. Generally, if the Thai does not have strong feelings one way or another about a subject she will say "up to you" and it's not meant in a disrespective tone.

    The thing about the Thai culture and Farang is there's more freedom of choice in Thailand than in Farangland - generally more personal freedoms too. Many moons ago when I brought my wife to the states for an extended visit she remarked after being there for a while: "What's this sh*t about Land of the Free & Home of the Brave anyhow?" "I get this Home of the Brave but this place certainly isn't the Land of the Free"

    Couldn't agree with her more...
    A very helpful post BM. I had a real problem with her lack of interest in where we would live, and the choice of house/condo/flat, especially as she would be most affected as she works and i am retired. I wanted to make her feel she was an equal partner when it came to making these kind of decisions. She just said to me that i am the man so i decide. Thai female thing i guiess.
    It's the personal freedoms that pushed my decision to emigrate anyway.
    Thanks

  9. #9
    សុខសប្បាយ
    EmperorTud's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Last Online
    11-12-2009 @ 11:23 PM
    Location
    75 clicks above the Do Lung bridge
    Posts
    6,665
    Quote Originally Posted by filch
    I think you have to choose what you want. Dominant woman, woman with a brain, someone who adds value to your life or a subservient woman. The choice is yours here in what was 'LOS'.
    But only from a pool that have been rejected by the indigenous population.

  10. #10

    R.I.P.


    dirtydog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Pattaya Jomtien
    Posts
    58,774
    Quote Originally Posted by chassamui
    I wanted to make her feel she was an equal partner when it came to making these kind of decisions.
    Why would you want to try and change their culture and the way they have been brought up?

  11. #11
    This is not my avatar
    NickA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    11,204
    Quote Originally Posted by EmperorTud
    But only from a pool that have been rejected by the indigenous population.

  12. #12
    សុខសប្បាយ
    EmperorTud's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Last Online
    11-12-2009 @ 11:23 PM
    Location
    75 clicks above the Do Lung bridge
    Posts
    6,665
    ^ looks skateable.

  13. #13
    Thailand Expat
    chassamui's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Bali
    Posts
    11,678
    Quote Originally Posted by dirtydog View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by chassamui
    I wanted to make her feel she was an equal partner when it came to making these kind of decisions.
    Why would you want to try and change their culture and the way they have been brought up?

    Point taken DD. Dumb farang still learning.

  14. #14
    Rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb
    Sir Burr's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Last Online
    16-06-2009 @ 09:54 AM
    Location
    Phuket.
    Posts
    4,668
    You've got two choices.
    You can either let the "up to you" drive you crazy, or, dive in head first and make all the decisions. If she doesn't like one of your choices, then tell her that she should either say something, or, shut up.

  15. #15
    Thailand Expat
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    8,184
    Quote Originally Posted by Thetyim View Post
    Being married to a thai is like a pantomime horse act.

    You are in the front and leading the way but the hind legs are pointing the head in the right direction.
    So true! Best advice thus far!

    The Thais even have a saying about this. Damned if I can remember now, but something about elephants.

  16. #16
    Thailand Expat
    Marmite the Dog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Last Online
    08-09-2014 @ 10:43 AM
    Location
    Simian Islands
    Posts
    34,827
    The Midget doesn't do the 'Up to you' shit, thank goodness.

    But, previous gfs have. It's just the woman thing of giving themselves over to their man to look after them and look out for them apparently. Just sounds like lazyness to me.

  17. #17
    Bones
    Guest
    I don't know what you are complaining about. I agree with her. the women's place is just to agree with the man, and act all feminine. girls in the west used to be that way once too. until they burn't their bras in the 70's and started to look and act like blokes

  18. #18
    たのむよ。
    The Gentleman Scamp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Last Online
    03-01-2017 @ 04:09 PM
    Location
    もうがまんできない!
    Posts
    9,754
    Ask her if she fancies spicing up the sex life by going to Angel Witch bar in Nana and taking home a brass for the night.

  19. #19
    Member
    AnthonyR1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Last Online
    31-03-2012 @ 03:41 PM
    Location
    Bangkok
    Posts
    378
    don't try too hard to change the "up to you" thing dude. i fought it for years now i have created an ultra opinionated GF! has WAAAAY too much input on decisions now

  20. #20
    Not a Mod.
    Begbie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Lagrangian Point
    Posts
    11,369
    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Burr View Post
    You've got two choices.
    You can either let the "up to you" drive you crazy, or, dive in head first and make all the decisions. If she doesn't like one of your choices, then tell her that she should either say something, or, shut up.
    This is the bane of my life. Where do you want to eat? .. "up to you"...ok lets go to such and such...."no I don't want to go there". Actually I've grown so used to it that I won't start the ignition until we agree on a destination, though sometimes I forget.

    A cultural trait.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •