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  1. #1
    たのむよ。
    The Gentleman Scamp's Avatar
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    Ever wanted to kill yourself?

    Sorry to get things on a downer but don't look at it like that, it's a serious question and many foreigners in Thailand have considered suicide for whatever reason and many have.

    My reasons may differ somewhat but I generally get tired of the worlds assholes, the people who simply don't need to be here, the rude, the greedy, the ignorant, the bullies, the in crowdfollowers, the stuck up, the black hearted and the downright evil.

    I would overcome that but in myself I see too much of a damaged soul with a complicated past to ever be able to have a 'normal' life, a secure life and the love of a good woman no matter how long I can sustain my good moods in-between my massive lows.

    I then wallow neck deep in the mire of misery I've brought on myself by the sheer gravity of the realisation that I don't want to be here anymore. I pray to anyone who may be listening that I have tried and tried and tried to get my life together and have avoided drugs, jail and nastiness where many have been unable to yet simply can't enjoy being who I am enough to want to carry on.

    I visualise my funeral and decide what I need to arrange, write, email and do before I depart and how I should depart - I decide to find out how to buy a gun, ponder the idea of taking a few nasty people with me when I go but decide against it and wonder what will await me.

    I am confident that my aggressive loathing of Christianity and organised religion in general has been justified but also confident that something awaits me.

    I wonder if the arrival on the other side a bit like leaving the Big Brother house, with beings I recognize on the other side there to greet me, cracking open a bottle of bubbly and patting me on the back and telling me how several of my 'angels' had been watching over me down there posing as school teachers, shoppers and beggars, then I wonder if I am doing the right thing as surely there must have been invisible powers guiding me home safely that time I rode my Honda Wave from Chaweng to Lamai in torrential rain having drunk a bottle of Sang Som, 3 gin and tonics and several cans of Heiniken.

    I will finally get to know why I spoke Spanish in my sleep that time in 1997 and I will get to hang out with my mother, Dudley Moore, Princess Di and Michael Ryan, or will I?

    Maybe they will send me back and I'll wake upin a hospital feeling like a twat, maybe they will send me back into a foetus to have another go or they will let me hang out upstairs for a while... Whatever it is, there is something and I want to know what. To presume there is nothing is just as arrogant as presuming the bible is right and Dan Brown is full of shit.

    Deja vu, alien abduction, conversations with God and NDE's will all boil down to the same thing and I'll slap myself and say, 'Of course! - It was so obvious!' and it will be great, there will be no tossers and no brainwashing culture making everybody want to be better than the next man with no corporate labels raking in the profit and no pretentious fuckwits listening to Coldplay on their i-pod Nano and telling everyone howopen minded they are and how many black friends they have and how they are just like us and there will be no patronizing Americans speaking loudly and slowly to people who happen to be from Moldova and there will be no spoiled kids screaming for a happy meal toy, in fact there will be no McDonalds, just beings living together in harmony and being happy without the aid of an imaginary friend called Jesus and notshitting on each other - just like we were supposed to down here.

    Then I think about what and who I am leaving behind and the misery I will cause and it gets me down even more so I go to a private place and think about my mates and my family and have a good cry and I feel better again and stop feeling so god damned sorry for myself but hate the fact I sometimes do.

    I later realise that I am doing just fine and should not allow the expectations of society pressure me into leading a 'normal' life and that if I cant get my life together I should maybe use it to help others get theirs together instead of taking mine away and asking the heavens what the fucking point was in downloading so much love and talent in me and placing me in a world where my confidence will be drained to the extent that it will screw up the application of my creativity leaving me with nothing but potential and fustration and wasted love.

    No wonder we think of leaving sometimes, has anyone here considered it and where do we go?
    Last edited by The Gentleman Scamp; 28-05-2006 at 12:02 PM.
    "I'm an outsider by choice, but not truly. It's the unpleasantness of the system that keeps me out. I'd rather be in, in a good system. That's where my discontent comes from: being forced to choose to stay outside.
    My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place."

    George Carlin

  2. #2
    Aspiring Guru
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    Erm........you'd best have a word with danbo.

    Age does funny things to a person.

    When I was younger I often had moments where I was 'sick of it all'.
    Happened fairly often, in fact.

    Then I got older and realised that what I was wishing for was a lot closer than it was 10 years ago and the urge to speed up my demise certainly backed away.

    Now I've alll but convinced myself I have lung cancer I use my impending demise to help me get through the days and weeks...

    "Fuck I hate that corporate at Sai Mai, still I'll prolly be dead this time next week so it's not like I'll see out the contract!"

    Unlike you scampy, I don't think I'll be waking up in an afterlife.
    I'm quite happy knowing that this lot, for good or bad, is over and I'll never have to go to Immigration again!

  3. #3
    たのむよ。
    The Gentleman Scamp's Avatar
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    I wonder if there is immigration up there?

  4. #4
    I don't know barbaro's Avatar
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    Gentleman Scamp:

    Your thread is worrying.

    We can always talk with friends and family about things. Well, I hope we can.

    But have you ever considered talking with a good psychologist and/or counseler?

  5. #5
    Aspiring Guru
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    Be my luck they'd be Thai!

  6. #6
    たのむよ。
    The Gentleman Scamp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Milkman
    Gentleman Scamp:

    Your thread is worrying.

    We can always talk with friends and family about things. Well, I hope we can.

    But have you ever considered talking with a good psychologist and/or counseler?
    That would involve talking about myself and I'm sick to death of doing that.

    No mate, I just need to see where I am going... I need to be found by the right girl and I need an Apple Mac, then I think things will improve.

    Psycologists just listen, once you leave the building you still have you brain in your skull and are back to square one.

    Sometimes they perscribe drugs which I do not believe are the answer... If the problem is man made I don't see how the soloution can be, also they stop you getting a hard on.

  7. #7
    I don't know barbaro's Avatar
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    ^ OK, thanks.

  8. #8
    たのむよ。
    The Gentleman Scamp's Avatar
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    Concern genuinly appreciated Milkman but I am not generally suicidal, I just want to pose the question, what really happens when you die?

    It is beyond our comprehension I know, but anyone who says they have never thought about this subject is full of shit, and anyone who says they don't care probably is too.

    There must be some of you who have your own opinion. (see signature)

  9. #9
    I don't know barbaro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Gentleman Scamp
    Concern genuinly appreciated Milkman but I am not generally suicidal, I just want to pose the question, what really happens when you die?

    It is beyond our comprehension I know....
    I don't think humans are meant to know what happens, if anything happens.

  10. #10
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    what is Dan Brown

    oh yes, do you want flowers or a donation to charity?

  11. #11
    Member Likewise's Avatar
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    We all have our different believes, but I guess when it's done and over with we move on to another place.
    Where that is and how it'll be there I really don't know?
    I started thinking about it quite a lot since my father died seven months ago.

  12. #12
    たのむよ。
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    Sorry about your dad Likewise, and great name BTW.

    It seems that most non-religious people find it too much hard work to think about it and dismiss it as irrelevant to the hear and now, but is it?

    Life and death are connected in ways we refuse to see, and true - we may not be supposed to know what happens, purely for the reason that suicide would be rife if we did know.

    I want to live a full life and die before I start wetting armchairs, but to not seek certain answers along the way seems a bit boring and pointless.

    Spirituality should be a life long quest... I know a Canadian woman on Samui who died for a few minutes and came back and her story was very eye opening and explained a lot.

    When she 'came back' she was no longer afraid of death but still wants to live and knows she should. Since it hapened some 30 years ago, she has never felt the need to turn to religion, give up smoking, sex or drinking or change her life in any way but to make it a full life.

    She is also sane and lucid.

  13. #13
    Member Likewise's Avatar
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    Interesting story.

    I think that most of us are afraid of dying, since it's human to be afraid of the unknown. That's why some just prefer not to think about it. Sooner or later there comes a day though that death will be right in our face.
    I never gave it any thought till my dad passing away.

  14. #14
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    Many times.

    I still think about it now when I get that feeling that all we are doing is waiting to die and some sick fucker has played a evil joke and left me trapped teaching science in Thailand.

    What can I say you draw your cards and make your choices.

    - 33 years to go

  15. #15
    I don't know barbaro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrsquirrel
    Many times.

    I still think about it now when I get that feeling that all we are doing is waiting to die and some sick fucker has played a evil joke and left me trapped teaching science in Thailand.

    What can I say you draw your cards and make your choices.

    - 33 years to go
    Good points, Squirrel.

    I knw that were you joking but no one is really "trapped" anywhere.

    I agree with drawing a deck and then making our choices.

  16. #16
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    Not so much as trapped but choices are limited and becoming more limited as time passes.

  17. #17
    I don't know barbaro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrsquirrel
    Not so much as trapped but choices are limited and becoming more limited as time passes.
    I agree!

    Even for the optimist and those with a lot of skills and experiences, our option diminish as we age. These options are in regards to job, relationship, and many other choices in life.

    I remember a guy I was chatting with in the Tahitian Queen 1 bar in Pattaya a few years ago.

    Smart guy.

    He used the "Funnel of Life" anology.

    A funnel is very wide at the top. As you scan down the funnel it narrows. And it narrows and narrows further, until it's very small.

    When we are born the funnel is wide. An 11 kid can aspire to be and work hard at becoming an actor, astronaut, or whatever. He can try to marry the next Cindy Crawford.

    As we get older our funnel narrows.

    But I always look out for opportunities, and they often present themselves when we least expect it.

    I do believe that a lot of people fail to see opportunities that are right before them, partly because of complacency or getting into a routine or rut.

    Some people are better at seeing potential opportunities than others.
    ............

  18. #18
    Northern Hermit
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    Good post Milky. But I disagree. it is not the "funnel" that narrows but out perception of our options. AS we grwo older many of us choose not to take those chnaces, Look to security and The path of least resistance,
    While stepping out of the rut you've worn on your accepted path and venturing forth towards some new goal, some new experience in life get's more difficult it is not something beyond our control. More a weakness in our nature that we tend to try less new things as we age.
    The saying life begins at 40 is such crap. Life begins anew for each one fo us whenever we choose to make the changes that present new options. That "funnel," while very real for many, is self-imposed and definitely avoidable.
    When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty -- T. Jefferson


  19. #19
    たのむよ。
    The Gentleman Scamp's Avatar
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    I have heard many personal accounts of 'echoes' from a past life, all from perfectly sane people.

    A guy I work with had a toy gun when he was 6yrs old and started speaking fluent Vietnamese much to the concern of his father.

    I still can't fihure out why I spoke Spanish in my sleep almost 10 yrs ago but the girl was too freaked out to sleep with me again, we remained friends though.

    I feel no special pull towards Spain and would like to know what it was all about, understandably. I have always been drawn to Mexico but that is the case with a few countries.

    Stuff like this happens and is dismissed by both Christians and athiests.

    Perhaps I should go to Equador and visit a shamen and take one of those drugs that lets you communicate with the above, then erases your memory... If such a thing exists.

    P.S. Note to Ice Maiden - I got cut off because my battery on my old phone is screwed, in fact I am surprised it even rang considering I am in China, I only switched the bastard on to retrieve a couple of numbers from my Thai SIM card. It's now plugged in so try again or PM me and I will give you my Chinese number.

  20. #20
    I don't know barbaro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by friscofrankie
    Good post Milky. But I disagree. it is not the "funnel" that narrows but out perception of our options. AS we grwo older many of us choose not to take those chnaces, Look to security and The path of least resistance,
    While stepping out of the rut you've worn on your accepted path and venturing forth towards some new goal, some new experience in life get's more difficult it is not something beyond our control. More a weakness in our nature that we tend to try less new things as we age.
    The saying life begins at 40 is such crap. Life begins anew for each one fo us whenever we choose to make the changes that present new options. That "funnel," while very real for many, is self-imposed and definitely avoidable.
    Great post Frankie.

    For me this is the post of the month.

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Gentleman Scamp
    I have heard many personal accounts of 'echoes' from a past life, all from perfectly sane people.

    A guy I work with had a toy gun when he was 6yrs old and started speaking fluent Vietnamese much to the concern of his father.

    I still can't fihure out why I spoke Spanish in my sleep almost 10 yrs ago but the girl was too freaked out to sleep with me again, we remained friends though.

    I feel no special pull towards Spain and would like to know what it was all about, understandably. I have always been drawn to Mexico but that is the case with a few countries.

    Stuff like this happens and is dismissed by both Christians and athiests.

    Perhaps I should go to Equador and visit a shamen and take one of those drugs that lets you communicate with the above, then erases your memory... If such a thing exists.

    P.S. Note to Ice Maiden - I got cut off because my battery on my old phone is screwed, in fact I am surprised it even rang considering I am in China, I only switched the bastard on to retrieve a couple of numbers from my Thai SIM card. It's now plugged in so try again or PM me and I will give you my Chinese number.
    When one of my ex-girlfriends was six years old, she was at her grandmother's place out in the Finnish archipelago. It was raining outside so she had to play inside. The local minister was there, and the three of them were playing cards at the kitchen table. All of a sudden ex-gf jumps down from her chair and walks out of the kitchen into the living room, and her granny's bookcase, proceeds to take out a 200-year-old bible printed in gothic letters, and starts reading out of it, reading 3 pages in a language that uses words nobody uses today. This was a one off event. She never did anything like it since. The funny thing is, it took her another two years to learn to read at school.

  22. #22
    There once upon a time...
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    When famous Australian rich bastard Kerry Packer died for about 10 minutes 10 years or so ago, he made his infamous quote "I've been to the other side and there's fuckin' nothing there!"

    Having died more permenently last year, I suppose he knows what's there for sure now.

    I usedto be scared of death. Not saying I'm not now, but I'm perhaps more comfortable with it's inevitability. I tend to give more though to the how these days...

    I also don't give an afterlife much thought once I began to accept no-one knows for sure what is there...

    That doesn't mean I am too focused on the here-and-now only. Just not focused on something I can't really do much about.

    I am inclined to think there is nothing there...but read once about a particular philosophy...I think one of the Buddhisms... in which your life is an energy that cannot be estinguished. It joins the cosmos and becomes one with it...so your energy just takes a different form. I kind of like the thought of that, even though it means no catching up with old friends and family in the hereafter...

  23. #23
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    I think when you die its just that, dead, a bit like sleeping but with no dream's and not waking up, just nothing. All this afterlife stuff is just a crutch to help us get through our lives, as the though of it just finnishing with a blank nothingness is to hard for us to deal with. You die, then you rot.
    I have more than the average number of arm and legs

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by friscofrankie
    Good post Milky. But I disagree. it is not the "funnel" that narrows but out perception of our options. AS we grwo older many of us choose not to take those chnaces, Look to security and The path of least resistance,
    While stepping out of the rut you've worn on your accepted path and venturing forth towards some new goal, some new experience in life get's more difficult it is not something beyond our control. More a weakness in our nature that we tend to try less new things as we age.
    The saying life begins at 40 is such crap. Life begins anew for each one fo us whenever we choose to make the changes that present new options. That "funnel," while very real for many, is self-imposed and definitely avoidable.
    I may only be pretty young and lacking experience but I do agree with you Frisco!

  25. #25
    Bubbly Sales Girl
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Gentleman Scamp
    P.S. Note to Ice Maiden - I got cut off because my battery on my old phone is screwed, in fact I am surprised it even rang considering I am in China, I only switched the bastard on to retrieve a couple of numbers from my Thai SIM card. It's now plugged in so try again or PM me and I will give you my Chinese number.
    Okay then !

    You see, everything really does happen for a reason I believe. I think it is something both religious people and non-religious people can understand. Right at that moment I needed to talk to someone but you just so happened to have your Thai SIM card in at that moment!
    Welcome to the jungle!

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