Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 50
  1. #1
    The Pikey Hunter
    Gerbil's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Roasting a Hedgehog
    Posts
    12,356

    Why Britain is now a Third World country

    (From Jeremy Clarkson)


    BRITAIN is a rich and civilised country with many trains, a rule of law, benefits for the needy and much public transport.



    Unfortunately, none of it actually works any more. Not the weather. Not the Government. Not even our useless national football teams. And it gets worse.

    Want a passport? I did recently and it took three trips to London before they finally decided what forms I actually needed.


    Small wonder half of Somalia has simply moved here without bothering to apply.

    Mind you, I bet Mr Njomo is now wondering if it was worth the effort.

    You phone a bank to get some trivial detail about your account and after half a day you finally get through to a human who slams the phone down, and calls the police, because you call him a dingleberry.


    They are repairing a bridge on the A40 into London. Work started in March 2007 and will not end until February 2009. Thatís nearly two years. You could mend a solar system in less time than that.


    Three months ago, I ordered a new sofa from Spain. And despite the fact that everyone over there has many cows to stab and many donkeys to hurl from various tower blocks, it was here in a fortnight.


    But I canít use it yet because the cushions are being made in Britain. And they havenít arrived.

    How can this be? Even I could make a cushion in three months and I drive a sewing machine like I drive a car. Badly, and with a lot of shouting.


    I can only assume the people at the cushion factory are so busy ensuring their carbon footprint is low and their jacketsí visibility is high that thereís simply no time left in the day to actually make any soft furnishings.


    Meanwhile, the roads are jammed up with white vans doing a million miles an hour. But despite this, they never actually get to your house.


    Seriously. When was the last time someone arrived when they said they would. It never happens. And we accept this is normal.


    Same as we accept late trains, jammed roads, useless banks, a baffling tax system and schools where the kids have to be fat to prevent the knife wounds from reaching any major organs.


    A couple of weeks ago, I landed at Heathrow and had to sit on the apron for half an hour because the girl who switches on the parking aids for the pilot had not turned up.


    Then, a few days later, we sat on the Tarmac for two solid hours, unable to take off because there was a thunderstorm over north London. So what?


    The next day, I landed in Vietnam in the middle of a fully fledged village-killing typhoon.


    No fuss. No drama. And only a tiny bit of wee came out as we landed in the sort of raging torrent that you normally only find in The Bible.


    In the following week or so, I took eight flights in Vietnam and Cambodia. Every single one arrived ahead of schedule. Every single one was met, immediately, with steps, fore and aft, and on every single occasion our bags beat us into the terminal.

    And we think theyíre living in the Third World. Thereís more. If I wanted a suit making here, it would take eight weeks and cost £3,000. Over there, I had one run up overnight, for £60.


    And when I spoke to the girl in the shop about how she copes with rising fuel bills, she explained that to keep her moped topped up, sheís now working 14 hours a day, 28 days a month. For £600 a year.


    Here, people are dealing with the credit crunch by saving money. Cutting corners and cutting their own hair.


    There, they are dealing with rising prices by working harder. The Dunkirk Spirit, it seems, has emigrated to Da Nang.


    In Saigon, I needed a doctor for a savage bout of mouth ulcers caused by winning a chilli-eating competition with my son.


    ďThisíll be good,Ē I muttered darkly to my wife, expecting a wizard to come through the door with a saw. But it was good. Within 20 minutes, I was visited by a doctor and a nurse who got the local chemist to bike over the medication. All for £32.


    And she explained on the way out that by far the best way of never getting mouth ulcers is to eat a guava fruit every day.


    Iíve suffered for 40 years in the First World. Ten minutes in Saigon and I have a cure for life.


    The level of service you get in Indochina is genuinely incredible.


    At one hotel, reachable only by boat, my daughter lost Flat Toy, her soft dog. We checked out, with her in floods of tears, and set sail for the mainland.


    And when we arrived we found the chambermaid, having come over in a speedboat, waiting with Flat Toy.


    The next day, another hotelís laundry ruined the same daughterís new shirt. Did we get an apology? A denial? Nope. They simply went to the market and bought her a new one.


    When you spend some time over there, in what is fast becoming the workshop of the world, you begin to realise that we, in the West, havenít got a hope in hell. They hustle and they bustle while we get fat and whinge.

    For too long weíve sat in our ivory towers buying sofas on the never-never and cars on credit.


    And imagining that if we donít bother turning on the airport parking lights all will be well so long as we are wearing our hi-viz jackets.


    Itís been the same story in government. Theyíve squandered the proceeds from the good times on idiotic, unnecessary and extremely expensive schemes to reduce global warming. Gordon Brown even sold off most of our gold reserves when prices were at rock bottom. Sitting in a Jacuzzi of cash, it was almost like he didnít care.


    But he will do soon. We all will. Because the world is a see-saw and it is inevitable that we shall sink into the pit of poverty as fast as the Far East rises.


    For us, not having a plasma television is the benchmark of poverty. For them, itís not having a pig. But soon, mark my words, itíll be the other way round.


    The London Olympic Games will be the first major example of this. They will be healthy and safe and environmentally friendly.


    But compared to what the Chinese managed, they will also be utter crap.
    You, sir, are a God among men....
    Short Men, who aren't terribly bright....
    More like dwarves with learning disabilities....
    You are a God among Dwarves With Learning Disabilities.

  2. #2
    Thailand Expat
    good2bhappy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Last Online
    11-11-2018 @ 05:44 PM
    Location
    Klong Samwa
    Posts
    15,309
    well his prose is no better than his driving!

    Quote Originally Posted by Gerbil
    And she explained on the way out that by far the best way of never getting mouth ulcers is to eat a guava fruit every day.
    Oh yeah! More like not to eat the local fruit!

  3. #3
    Tonguin for a beer
    Bung's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Last Online
    25-09-2016 @ 09:58 PM
    Location
    Wat Bung
    Posts
    3,845
    C'mon Smeg, I'm still waiting for you to comment on a "how crap the uk is" thread!

  4. #4
    I am in Jail

    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Last Online
    09-07-2011 @ 12:54 AM
    Posts
    3,536
    Good post Gerbil, never been to the UK but there still seems to be some relative themes in your post..

    Quote Originally Posted by Gerbil
    schools where the kids have to be fat to prevent the knife wounds from reaching any major organs.
    This is both hilarious and sad ....Too much truth behind it me thinks..

    Quote Originally Posted by Gerbil
    You could mend a solar system in less time than that.
    would that be a roof top system then??

    Quote Originally Posted by Gerbil
    Badly, and with a lot of shouting.
    I drive very well and with a "lot of shouting" so you shouldn't feel too badly..

    bottom line it seems is that too many Brits holiday in LOS maybe?
    Last edited by DrivingForce; 06-09-2008 at 12:12 PM. Reason: content

  5. #5
    I am in Jail
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Last Online
    22-11-2012 @ 08:25 PM
    Posts
    97
    On BBC last night small streamer saying Bentley at Crewe are starting a 3 day week, 40% production reduction, that tells me a lot, The old joke will the last person leaving the UK please put out the light, they will be long out by then!!!

  6. #6
    たのむよ。
    The Gentleman Scamp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Last Online
    03-01-2017 @ 04:09 PM
    Location
    もうがまんできない!
    Posts
    9,754
    Good article and very sad, I used to love my homeland but I can say in all honesty that I have no pride whatsoever in being English. To hell with the place, I'm done.

  7. #7
    I am in Jail

    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Last Online
    31-07-2009 @ 01:13 PM
    Location
    amidst dogs and ducks
    Posts
    2,688
    Buy British? Bye bye British.

  8. #8
    I am in Jail
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Last Online
    22-11-2012 @ 08:25 PM
    Posts
    97
    Quote Originally Posted by The Gentleman Scamp
    Scamp The Peoples Champ Last Online: Today 11:28 AM Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Home Posts: 5,511 Good article and very sad, I used to love my homeland but I can say in all honesty that I have no pride whatsoever in being English. To hell with the place, I'm done.
    I have to agree also sadly ! with Spiff and Scamp

  9. #9
    Hello World
    melvbot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Infinite Loop
    Posts
    5,931
    Its a Clarkson view of things. Stick him in Vietnam or Cambodia for 6 months ad he'd be saying the opposite. Hes amusing at times but its newspaper column nonsense.

  10. #10
    Thailand Expat
    sabang's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Last Online
    04-09-2019 @ 05:06 AM
    Location
    BackinOz
    Posts
    30,807
    The friends and family I keep in contact with that are British fall into three main categories-

    Those have have left the UK, and live somewhere else.
    Those that are planning to leave one day ('just another coupla hundred thousand quid').
    Those that are staying put, but wish they had left when they were younger.

    Offhand, the one exception I can think of is a cousin of mine living outside of Bath who is quite happily married and raising a family.

    It's sad. Apparently it has been a lousy summer as well, and with all the other woes added British griping has reached an all time high. A country where most of the natives wish they were somewhere else.

    Then theres the Brit expats living here who visit their home country. To a man they say they are glad to get back to Thailand.

    Amusing article Gerbil- Jeremy Clarkson may be a bombastic twat, but he's entertaining.
    probes Aliens

  11. #11
    I am in Jail
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Last Online
    02-04-2010 @ 01:37 AM
    Posts
    1,308
    Quote Originally Posted by good2bhappy
    Seriously. When was the last time someone arrived when they said they would. It never happens. And we accept this is normal.
    Tell tale sign of third world with no hope for the future.

  12. #12
    I am in Jail
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Last Online
    22-11-2012 @ 08:25 PM
    Posts
    97
    So what do we think has caused, is causing the decline??

  13. #13
    R.I.P.
    DrB0b's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD
    Posts
    17,158
    Quote Originally Posted by wanderering walter View Post
    So what do we think has caused, is causing the decline??
    Sigil abuse.

  14. #14
    I am in Jail

    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Last Online
    09-07-2011 @ 12:54 AM
    Posts
    3,536
    ^^
    Quote Originally Posted by DrivingForce
    bottom line it seems is that too many Brits holiday in LOS maybe?

  15. #15
    Thailand Expat
    good2bhappy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Last Online
    11-11-2018 @ 05:44 PM
    Location
    Klong Samwa
    Posts
    15,309
    Quote Originally Posted by jim1176 View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by good2bhappy
    Seriously. When was the last time someone arrived when they said they would. It never happens. And we accept this is normal.
    Tell tale sign of third world with no hope for the future.
    When did I write that?

  16. #16
    I am in Jail

    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Last Online
    31-07-2009 @ 01:13 PM
    Location
    amidst dogs and ducks
    Posts
    2,688
    Quote Originally Posted by wanderering walter View Post
    So what do we think has caused, is causing the decline??
    The immigrants and the lefties, of course.

  17. #17
    Hello World
    melvbot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Infinite Loop
    Posts
    5,931
    Quote Originally Posted by Gerbil View Post
    (From Jeremy Clarkson)
    The level of service you get in Indochina is genuinely incredible.


    At one hotel, reachable only by boat, my daughter lost Flat Toy, her soft dog. We checked out, with her in floods of tears, and set sail for the mainland.


    And when we arrived we found the chambermaid, having come over in a speedboat, waiting with Flat Toy.
    What youve got to remember is Clarkson is a millionaire, hes not stying in a £50 a night hotel hes more likely staying in a 5 star £300 a night hotel. I would expect the service in a 5 star hotel to be good.

    England has some terrible aspects that we all loathe but so has every other country. Clarkson will go back to his home with his garage full of cars and dream up his next idea for a DVD that will net him a good wedge. He has more than enough money to leave the UK and set up in the far east but I doubt I'll see him on Sukhumvit anytime soon.
    The Geek Shall Inherit The Earth

  18. #18
    Thailand Expat Texpat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    In your head
    Posts
    13,014
    This thread is an insult to third-world countries everywhere.

  19. #19
    I am in Jail
    Smeg's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Last Online
    02-09-2019 @ 12:02 AM
    Location
    A charming yet pathetic country
    Posts
    4,397
    Quote Originally Posted by melvbot View Post
    Its a Clarkson view of things. Stick him in Vietnam or Cambodia for 6 months ad he'd be saying the opposite. Hes amusing at times but its newspaper column nonsense.
    Precisely. He makes a living from criticising and taking the piss (what a great job!). I don't think he has ever lived outside of the UK. Spending a holiday in Vietnam is one thing, but let him try to earn a living there for a few years and after only a few months he'd be begging to go back to the UK and his half a million quid per year income the place provides him.

  20. #20
    Member
    justwingit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Last Online
    07-11-2011 @ 08:50 PM
    Location
    bkk(original)
    Posts
    509
    doesnt clarkson live in jersey?

  21. #21
    Hello World
    melvbot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Infinite Loop
    Posts
    5,931
    Think he lives in Chipping Norton.

  22. #22
    たのむよ。
    The Gentleman Scamp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Last Online
    03-01-2017 @ 04:09 PM
    Location
    もうがまんできない!
    Posts
    9,754
    England is an alright place to live if your earn shitloads of money.

  23. #23
    ding ding ding
    Spin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    12,608
    A lot of people hate Clarkson, but for all his bad points he does have a lot of common sense.
    If he ran for prime minister, i would vote for him in an instant. The uk needs someone to apply common sense in the decision making processes that is these days sadly lacking.

  24. #24
    Thailand Expat
    sabang's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Last Online
    04-09-2019 @ 05:06 AM
    Location
    BackinOz
    Posts
    30,807
    ^^ Where isn't?
    Last edited by sabang; 06-09-2008 at 01:41 PM.

  25. #25
    Banned
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Last Online
    30-01-2013 @ 09:22 AM
    Posts
    10,902
    Quote Originally Posted by Spin View Post
    A lot of people hate Clarkson, but for all his bad points he does have a lot of common sense.
    A bit like Smeg actually.

    Just substitute 'bad points' with 'inner anger, frustration, spite, malice and hate which is focused on the tefl industry'.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •