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  1. #1
    anonymous ant
    tsicar's Avatar
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    the hound of the baskervilles

    so my ex mother (we disowned each other about 12 years ago), lands up in hospital.
    78 years old, an hypochondriac, and an ex nursing sister, she manages to con the hospital and the doctors into periodically admitting her for a "sympathy stay"
    this time, it was an imaginary pulminory embolism. she has a great medical scheme- pays for everything, and the private hospitals she visits are only too pleased to subject her to the maximum amount of xrays, tests, intensive care "holidays",etc, that they think they can get away with.

    so i am at a really great party, and i get a call from my brother, who still believes all the bullshit, and now i must go fetch the old bat's little cuntlicker dog, and look after it during the "emergency"
    the dog is as neurotic as my mother, and i dislike it intensely, but the whole family knows that i will not be cruel and let it starve, so i go and fetch the bloody thing.
    well, the poor bloody dog has spent it's whole life locked up in a small apartment, often left alone for days at a time, so i guess it is no surprise the thing is such a screw-up.
    i get it "home", and the first thing it does is run inside the house and squirt this slimy yellow stuff all over my (cantankerous, dog-hating) landlady's antique persian carpet!
    cursed the old lady again and had to apologise and clean it all up, and that was just the start of it all!
    it bloody sits on me all the time,sleeps on me; craps everywhere, mounts my fkkin leg all the time.... i smell like dog, get no sleep coz i think it is gonna squirt the bed, and my life is a 'kkin disaster!
    now, i hang out with a pretty tough crowd, and the dog cannot be trusted on it's own, so i take a serious ragging wherever i go with the little black wart attatched to my arm.
    worse still. one of the guys discovers that the fkkin thing's real name is "pixie", thanks to my youngest son's ratting on me,(i told the guys it's name was killer!),
    so my reputation is at an all time low.
    worse, still- the kkin thing pisses and squirts everywhere we go, and it goes everywhere i go, and the old bat is now out of hospital, but is "too weak" to look after it!
    my mates say that they think the old lady faked the illness so she could get a break from the dog, and i think they are right!
    well, hopefully on sunday, i am told, i will be free again, but i swear to god: next time i will have the BOTH of them eutrhanased!!

  2. #2
    I am in Jail

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    Geez, that's too bad, Tsicar. I'm sending you valium and arsenic. Don't get them mixed up, now.

  3. #3
    The cold, wet one
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    Send them both to behavioural/socialisation classes. Might be the making of both of them.

  4. #4
    Not a Mod.
    Begbie's Avatar
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    Or it could be a tasty snack.

  5. #5
    Days Work Done! Norton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tsicar
    well, hopefully on sunday, i am told, i will be free again, but i swear to god: next time i will have the BOTH of them eutrhanased!!
    Nah, you won't. Me thinks you really have grown quite fond of the little wanker! You'll likely end up with him full time. Between the dog humping your house guest's leg and your son saying he has a funny way of combing his hair it will perk up your life.
    Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

  6. #6
    I am in Jail

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    Quote Originally Posted by Norton View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by tsicar
    well, hopefully on sunday, i am told, i will be free again, but i swear to god: next time i will have the BOTH of them eutrhanased!!
    Nah, you won't. Me thinks you really have grown quite fond of the little wanker! You'll likely end up with him full time. Between the dog humping your house guest's leg and your son saying he has a funny way of combing his hair it will perk up your life.
    Geng Om?

  7. #7
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by tsicar
    next time i will have the BOTH of them eutrhanased!!
    Probably better to get them killed

  8. #8
    Dislocated Member

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    Quote Originally Posted by tsicar View Post
    now, i hang out with a pretty tough crowd, and the dog cannot be trusted on it's own, so i take a serious ragging wherever i go with the little black wart attatched to my arm.
    worse still. one of the guys discovers that the fkkin thing's real name is "pixie", thanks to my youngest son's ratting on me,(i told the guys it's name was killer!),
    so my reputation is at an all time low.
    Drown it in a bathtub with your bare hands and video it on your mobile, that should get your rep back up down the boozer with the guys.

  9. #9
    Thailand Expat nedwalk's Avatar
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    hide the bloody thing, tell the old girl it ran off, then maybe she,ll post a ferkin great reward and then you can cash in when you recieve a mysterious call as to the mongrel,s whereabouts

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