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blackgang

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven’t sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay — it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog… “Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!” Now think about how you call a cat…”Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!” Jeeezus, you’re fit to be framed, you’re so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-B-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and your in training and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man’s world is his bathroom; he goes wherever he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you own designer kneepads. A straight man will never be heard ordering a “Decaf Soy Latte”. If you’ve put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you’ve had a man there, too.

6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn’t have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a “fressier” is you’re gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are a fag.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you’re dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut off the jerk. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a burger, or hold his beer.

8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge on being a fudgepacker!!

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Political Correctness: A doctrine, fosteredby a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media,
which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."

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Rigger

Shit looks like I am gay then as there has been a few in the middle east that I have refused to use. They make the worst shitter in Thailand look clean
Does that mean I have to walk funny now

Marmite the Dog

Damn! I knew going to school and studying art wasn't right.

I think growing up in Europe makes you exempt. We have roads with corners so therefore learn to drive properly.

Otherwise, I did ok.

chitown

Where I can I find real regular Coffee in the can in Thailand??

peterpan

Attn of BG, hypothetical question only, if for instance a guy went to Soi 6 in Pattaya Tuesday night and while getting a BJ from what he thought was a girl but on checking the undercarriage discovered it had dangly bits, but as the BJ was very good decided to let her/him/it carry on, would that be gay ? my mate wants to know like.

JoGeAr

Yeah.....riiiiight !!

blackgang

Like, WOW, I guess everyone could get caught up in the moment PP, But I am no expert on that subject, So just tell your Friend to be careful like.

I know, some of them are bad, so I have went out and shit beside the pickup in the sand a few times, even if you was up on a box I think that would still be to close to the nasty floor for my liking.

good2bhappy

Got a problem with 4
The toilets in this country stink and I hate squatting for a dump!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

baldrick

if you forward emails that don't involve a picture of a cute chick you are probably a
NAGC ( new age gay cnut )

Pnow

Guys know what guys want and like.

AntRobertson

Here's a test:

Count the number of posts made by a user on here over the last 7 days that reference homosexuality; anal sex; gays; or other such topics.

I reckon blackgang's gotta be into the dozens by now! Veritably obsessed he his

sabang

What do you call someone who fantasizes about Lesbians?

AntRobertson

Completely normal. Healthy in fact.

Pnow

Anti-Gay?

Loy Toy

I think the OP has just described Homer Simpson (NO disrespect intended JJ)

Agree with some of BGs check list but fail miserably regarding others.

A sweet tooth yes, colours > gotta know them all, beer gut growing but I can still see my dick without the need of mirrors, driving with 2 hands on the wheel when I am shit faced only. Half gay fool probably and as best described and after completing the check list!

rawlins

I fail on points 5, 6 and 7 above...

And also on Peterpans Soi 6 scenario...

I will use any old toilet for a dump though..... But I do enjoy a blast of the hose before wiping dry....

Plan B

I know a bloke who passes on all those except #8 and he's as gay as BlackGang, only slightly more open about it.

Marmite the Dog

You mean tasteless Merkin shite? Maxwell House?! WTF?!?

Nowhere hopefully.

The Fresh Prince

BG what's a fressier?

Marmite the Dog

I think it's 'gay speak' for something.