well, it is another teakdoor get-together.
Buriram is chosen as the "city" of choice for the function because of it's central location and reputation as having the "vibiest nightlife" in the whole of Thailand......
i arrive at the location, kids in tow (everybody knows i don't go anywhere without my kids), and the Racist Police: Stroller and Raycarey, instantly recognise me as being that bastard, Tsicar.
i think they realised it was me because of the kids; Ku KLux Klan robe notwithstanding.
Actually, Blackgang is sitting at a table not far from them, also dressed in his robes, but he goes unnoticed, since their attention, and that of the small audio surveillance dish connected to the taperecorder, is focused on Jettie, the object of their mission tonight: "catch her saying something racist, so we can try prevent her from becoming an issues mod and save the job for Raycarey"...- seems they mistook DD for somebody who actually gives a fuck who moderates issues...(i mean, at one stage he let stroller do it, didn't he?)
The two of them are oblivious to the fact that everybody has noticed that they have their hands down the front of each others' skin-tight latex nazi uniforms....
The spy mod from tv also notices, and pitches his little tent!
I take a seat at Norton's table, since i know him to be a perfect gentleman, and i don't want anybody molesting my kids, (you can't take too many chances, there are a lot of newbies from tv here, who have not been screened properly yet, and who knows- there might even be a tv pervert mod or two spying on us or looking for some fresh new small boys to molest.....), and i settle down to take a look around at who is here:
i have only met a few posters in person, and although i do not know them from a bar of soap, i figure that the two guys over there just HAVE to be DD and Butterfly. DD is lifting up the blouse of one of the ladyboys so MTD can get a shot of "her" tits FOR THE "TRIBUTES" thread, but the shot is spoiled because Butterfly is hanging out the back of "her" and he is not about to climb off until the job is done.
By now, those who know me will be finding it odd that i have not yet ordered a beer, but all the aforegoing has taken just a few seconds to observe and the waittresses are all still busy being harrassed by horny td members, so i have not yet had the chance.
The fugly bargirl (this IS Buriram, remember) brings me a beer and asks me if i am married. i reply that i am, since, from past experience, i know that if i said "no", it would not be two seconds before she would sit down and try to convince me to marry her even uglier beetlenut-munching older sister, and eventually she gets me my beer and she is instructed to get me another two, coz i know that by the time she comes back, i will have finished the one she just brought..
i look over to the corner and recognize Buadhai, who is trying to convince Chinthee that he knows the real reason Chinthee wants to leave td is because BKKmadness insulted his fish too. Chinthee tries to deny this, but is shouted down. He shrugs, and leaves td forever..............
Texpat has just finished explaining to the bargirl what a clitoris is, and is has gone on to explain to the other td members what a great bunch the americans are and how they won the war in vietnam and other places and really he is one of the nicest yanks i know, so i will not use this opportunity to tell him that, actually, the commies won in the end in vietnam, coz he is a nice, intelligent fellow and i do not want to burst his bubble.
I nod a greeting to Dalton over there,- he has his arm around his wife, but his attention is focused on N.R's bum, which is waving about in the air, her head under the table while she is busy castrating a soidog that jumped up and grabbed
her "gai-ping", and so probably deserved it anyway.
Never grab nr by the gai ping uninvited if you want to see the light of day....
her attention is distracted when she glances to the left of her and notices yaya, on her knees under the table, Moseses' nob halfway down her throat.
Seems yaya 'fessed up to having been a bargirl, and moses made her pay pennance of three blowjobs and one hail mary, so she decided to get it over and done with as soon as possible. she is still gagging on the thought of doing the hail mary thing, though.
BKK walks in with an huge Koi fish under his arm and explains to Dalton that he has read in the farming forum about Dalton's "supercharger", and that the electricity outage in Bangkok means that the fish needs urgent resuscitation, so Dalton obliges, saves the fish's life, and puts his supercharger back in his pants.
he responds to bkk's "thankyou" by saying it was HIS pleasure...
DD interrupts the proceedings by grabbing the karaoke microphone from Driventowin (who has hogged it for long enough, trying to solicit sponsorships for his bar stool racing effort), so that he can congratulate erco on the birth of his leuk-kreung quadruplets, and wishes him well in his quest for a bargirl bride to help look after them, after the farang mother took one look at them and exclaimed " My GOD! the little fukkers look just like him!", before taking off into the sunset, afterbirth trailing in the isaan dust.............
I overhear a bunch of wide-eyed newbies from tv over there, trying to look inconspicuous in their pink longjohns and cowboy boots, commenting about the regular Td members that they have just met for the first time: " shit! they all look so o-o-o-old!" and i deem it my duty to walk over and explain that we on the REAL thailand forum are all under thirty years old: it is just the booze and sleepless nights spent slagging each other on the forum and shagging ugly bargirls in buriram that has taken it's toll, and that if they survive long enough here, it won't be long before they all look like me! they all take off back to tv, tail between their legs! seems they figure that sucking that fairy of a moderator's cock is preferable to looking like me!
the party ends in one almighty brawl, won by td members, who elect DD as sucessor to Samak, after he, sadly, is killed by a single blow from Momo, startled when she discoveres his fat hand up her skirt, having tolerated it for a few minutes, thinking it belonged to kw......mmmwhaaa!
Disclaimer:
all obovementioned members are non-fictional characters.
the perceived resemblance to td posters, living or dead is not purely coincidental, and the author of the above post takes no responsibility for the actions of td members mentioned.
the author takes no responsibility for this post and wishes to distance himself from this, and all future posts made while under the influence of his daughter's cannibis cookies...........
good night all!
