Thread: Thai guys shagging farang gals.

At the end of her month-long vacation in Chiang Mai Kristina, 25, a student from Austria walked into the international departure lounge alone. She had no promises to keep and according to a later email to Sombat, who waved her off, "We had a really nice time together, didn't we?"

Sombat, a 30ish Chiang Mai professional was rather reluctant to talk to me when I told him of my idea to interview Thai men who had had their hearts broken by tourists. One hears the other side of the story often, but, I urged, who sympathises with Thai men?

He reluctantly agreed. The sorry soul saw the last of Kristina's fine backside as she flew out of the Land of Smiles almost six months ago and he is still moping. The sad expression, permanent these days, on his face is pathetic even by teenagers' standards. He had it coming, I told him with little sympathy once I got him to open up. After all if you pick up tourists to pass time with after dark what do you expect? Why do people engage in romantic affairs that are destined to doom?

Sombat argued, 'we could talk about a lot of things that I couldn't talk about with my Thai girlfriend. I was an artist before my mother told me to clean up my act and earn a living and Kristina studied set design. We could talk endlessly about shades of colours, plays, and it just reminded me of all the things I enjoyed at graduate school abroad." Like many of the guys I interviewed, Sombat said that he found much more to talk about with farang girls than with Thai girls.

Sombat and Kristina's relationship began, typically, at a bar and when it closed at two in the morning, Sombat offered to drive her home. She instead came to his room where they talked all night long. The next day she moved in. Calling in sick and taking his vacation, Sombat began his new life as a tourist in his own back yard. 'It happened just like that. I was really in love.'

Unknown to Kristina, as they were going from waterfalls to temples, from jungles to boutiques, Sombat was also constantly on the telephone to his girlfriend in Bangkok telling her how busy he was, looking after an important European client who was going to do a lot of business with his company. 'I care a lot about my girlfriend but I don't know how to explain. I was very happy and deeply in love with Kristina." Sombat told me that he might have been a romantic fool but he was not stupid. "The trick is to get your priorities straight, I was never going to marry Kristina, but my Thai girlfriend is marriage material," he said.

In that same email that Kristina sent to Sombat, she also told him that she was four months pregnant with her boyfriend at home. 'She got pregnant two months after leaving Thailand," Sombat said. "I can only conclude that either they go from zero to pregnant very fast or that she was probably doing the same thing as I was on the phone with her boyfriend while she was with me." Neither of them let on at the time.

Later I found more confirmation about the suspicion that monogamy is not a very robust concept for folks whose hearts are broken by tourists. Noeme and Nathalie, 20, from Bordeaux, told me after one month in Chiang Mai. 'Thai guys are not the same. They could have one woman at home and someone else and someone else." Nathalie, with her dark curly hair and a small nose ring that is accentuated by its constant tinkling against her whisky glass, is extremely attractive. "In France, when you have a girlfriend, you have a girlfriend, and there is only one.' But in Thailand she found that the guys that they met do not have a problem with their conscience about having more than one woman.

Noeme has her eyes on the bass player at The Riverside, 'I know it is impossible and I am leaving in a month but I like him anyway,' she smiled as he and his long haired friends came up to drink to the girls' health, "sant?!" They have all learned to drink in French.
Nathalie asked me if Thai guys are really like that - juggling women like bowling pins to a circus's clown. I told her that if I was a bass player in France and if her friend was leaving in a month, I would probably want to have the same skill. But I voiced my humble opinion. The bass player was probably trying to be honest otherwise it would seem as if there is only one bowling pin and the clown would be Nathalie's friend going for the strike.

Away from the river in the middle of town there is a strip of reggae bars, another hot spot for picking up tourists. "If there are tourists, there will always be local guys to try to pick them up," said Sky, 30, an artist, a DJ, and a lover. He fancies himself as a bit of a Don Juan. I choked on my beer.

I asked him if he consider himself good looking. He said that that was irrelevant. He knew that he was exotic to foreign women. He said that he was easy to talk to, unlike many Thai men who shy away from foreigners, he loved to listen to their problems. "You know, when you have had your heart broken as often as I have, people like to listen to your advice." Sky, who is from a poor background, feels that he receives respect from foreigners. "They don't care what family I am from, or what class or status I have, unlike Thai girls." Sky feels that he can get a higher calibre of woman - educated, worldly, financially secure - with farang, but because of his humble background, he would never get such a chance with Thai girls. He also isn't expected to pay for everything with tourists. They go Dutch.

Sky was left tearful recently at the airport after a year of living with an American language teacher. "It was a perfect break-up. No hate, no anger, just deep sorrow and longing." Sky said that Thailand was just not her home and that she might have felt lonely living here long term. He does not want to move either. "It is natural for guys to be providers and I don't know what I would do in the US."

Sky doesn't date Thai women, a rarity for a DJ in Chiang Mai, a city with over 40,000 college students, many of whom are easy game. "It's the kiss. Thai women do not know how to kiss passionately. They also don't make love erotically. Local girls here may be easy, but they aren't sensual," Sky said. While I can not verify how the majority of Thai women kiss there is a growing concern among Thai men that many girls now have foul breath, a side effect from excessive diet pills. Sky also likes his women on the figurative softer side.

It isn't all good with tourists. One time a tourist came into a bar with him and started kissing a few of his friends. "By the time she was gone, we couldn't talk to each other." Forever after, their friendships were ruined.

The key to the perfect breakup is talking it through, according to the expert, Sky. Some woman just wanted sex and some wanted companionship. "Dating tourists you need to be as clear as possible as to the end result. Do they want a holiday romance, a one night fling or the read deal?" It helps to be clear at the very beginning of the relationship or at the very least keep the lying to a minimum, said Sky with a straight face, "but of course everyone plays games."

Tor, a cook in the easy going resort town, Pai, agrees. He gleefully showed me a picture of a Swiss woman on his mobile phone and said that she first talked to him because she liked his cooking. "She said she had a boyfriend at home but when she is in Pai she wants to be with me," Tor said he did not know what to do at first as he had only dated Thai girls, but her offer was hard to refuse. 'It was not all about sex. It was just a very special time in both our lives," he said. He paused for a moment, "but I wish it had lasted longer."

All the guys I talked to didn't want their relationships to end. Sky said his girlfriend left because she had to pay off her student loan and that she was not making enough money here in Thailand. He said he has saved up enough money to start a small restaurant in Chiang Mai but the amount was not going to go very far in dollar terms. Sombat admits that he does not know what Kristina could do in Thailand after they ran out of tourist attractions to visit and couldn't see her fitting into life here. "Tourists demands a lot of time," Sky said. "Falling in love with one is not difficult but being at the right time in life and making it work in the long run is nothing short of a miracle."

In the meanwhile Sky, Sombat and Tor will continue to search for the perfect farang girl, in the bars and clubs of Chiang Mai. I will, for research purposes, accompany them.

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