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  1. #1
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    Spot the April Fools

    It's that time of year when the media play their pranks.

    Have you spotted one?

    I think this is nailed on.

    01 Apr 2019 07:00

    Smelly food banned following ground breaking British Transport Police announcement

    A stinky sandwich, fermented fish or pungent late night grub on the 11.50pm service to Reading – we all know that smelly foods on board trains cause controversy.

    That is why today, British Transport Police (BTP) is announcing a ground-breaking new step in cracking down on the consumption of all foul-smelling foods on board trains, trams and tubes across Britain’s rail network.

    As part of new anti-social behaviour legislation, those caught consuming offensive edible items while in transit could face a penalty fare of up to 2,000.

    From today, ‘Consumption of smelly grub’ will become the 27th Railway Byelaw, and repeated offenders may be issued with a Criminal Food Behaviour Order (CBF0) which could prevent them travelling on trains for life or coming within a 50 meter radius of a takeaway shop.

    Officers will have the power to seize and destroy a variety of foods and snacks, and be issued with special protective gloves and masks to avoid possible contamination.

    The move has been introduced following a wave of pressure on social media from disgruntled travellers.

    To ensure all passengers have a hassle-free journey we have composed a brief list of prohibited items, which you are advised to please check before you travel:

    •Eggs
    •Fish (fresh and tinned)
    •Blue cheese
    •Sausage rolls
    •Fermented shark and vegetables
    •Fast food

    Inspector Pete Pong, said: “Stinky food has been a long-standing contentious issue on Britain’s rail network and I am pleased we could respond to the public’s concerns and work to stamp out this very pressing problem.

    “In my years at BTP I have witnessed numerous horrors, from those thinking it’s acceptable to crack open a homemade tuna sandwich, to others eating boiled eggs like apples. Not OK.

    “BTP is proud to be a progressive force, and I hope passengers welcome this exciting announcement.”



  2. #2
    Utopian Expat Chittychangchang's Avatar
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    Not many eat fermented fish on the UK trains unless your sat next to a Thai then they generally reek of the rancid shite

    Nice to see the BTP have a sense of humour.

  3. #3
    Thailand Expat cyrille's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chittychangchang View Post
    Nice to see the BTP have a sense of humour.


    Not sure you're 100% clear on how this works.

  4. #4
    Thailand Expat cyrille's Avatar
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    Here's a clue: Bob Geldof and Prince Charles probably weren't in on this one...

    Also, please note how to c+p a story from somewhere else and add the source.

    Britain needs to take special measures if it is ever to recover from the scarring social divisions exacerbated by Brexit, says a working party drawn from the country’s leading institutions.


    The Guardian understands one of the initiatives that has caught the imagination of the group is the creation of the post of “healing tsar” – a unifying figure to promote a feeling of national togetherness. Several well-known figures have been sounded out for the role, although there are worries that the politicians involved will try to parachute their own preferred candidate into the job.


    Operating in secret, the group is studying a series of proposals to “put harmony back into the national mood, to sow accord where there is discord, collaboration where there is conflict”. Music is seen as vital to the task.


    The idea was first mentioned privately by Prince Charles, who, although he has kept his views on the EU to himself, is said by insiders to be deeply troubled by what he sees as a dislocation between the people and the institutions of the country.


    Senior sources close to official figures say he fears the royal family could be drawn into the bitter divide – one of the reasons why he and his wife, Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, absented themselves on a trip to Cuba during the 1 million-strong march through London and the parliamentary climax of the Brexit process.


    In heated meetings behind closed doors at Thenford House in Northamptonshire, the estate belonging to Michael Heseltine, the Liberal Democrat representative argued strongly for party supporter Bob Geldof as “healing tsar”. One insider promoting Geldof’s credentials said: “He brought the country together with Live Aid – he can do it again.”
    Those close to Geldof say he is reworking his biggest hit, Do They Know It’s Christmas? – but with the chorus changed to: “Heal the island, let them know it’s bonding time.”


    A sticking point is said to be the insistence of the Lib Dem leader, Vince Cable, that he perform the reworked classic with Geldof. The former Boomtown Rat has been quoted by a source as saying: “I’m not going on stage with that old fooker.”
    https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/...n-after-brexit

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyrille View Post
    Here's a clue: Bob Geldof and Prince Charles probably weren't in on this one...

    Also, please note how to c+p a story from somewhere else and add the source.
    What do you want the source for, this isn't the News thread.

  6. #6
    Thailand Expat cyrille's Avatar
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    Well, I was referring to chitty's uncredited thievery elsewhere, but now that you mention it...why not?

  7. #7
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    McDonalds tweeted that they would be launching a 'Pickle Burger'. But apparently once it was revealed to be a joke, they've had people complaining because they actually wanted it.

    Or maybe their customers are the ones playing the 'double 'April Fool to see if they can get them to make it....


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  8. #8
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  9. #9
    Utopian Expat Chittychangchang's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyrille View Post
    Well, I was referring to chitty's uncredited thievery elsewhere, but now that you mention it...why not?
    What's up Ciz?
    Reachy not given you a tug today

  10. #10
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    3D Printed pizzas....



  11. #11
    Thailand Expat David48atTD's Avatar
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  12. #12
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    A post-Brexit stripe removal service. Doesn't say if it removes the smell of garlic as well.

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  13. #13
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  14. #14
    Thailand Expat Dillinger's Avatar
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    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by harrybarracuda View Post
    McDonalds tweeted that they would be launching a 'Pickle Burger'. But apparently once it was revealed to be a joke, they've had people complaining because they actually wanted it.

    Or maybe their customers are the ones playing the 'double 'April Fool to see if they can get them to make it....


    Wouldn't mind that, looks tastier than the cow pats they usually smuggle into them.

  16. #16
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger View Post

  17. #17
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  18. #18
    Thailand Expat Boon Mee's Avatar
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  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by harrybarracuda View Post
    McDonalds tweeted that they would be launching a 'Pickle Burger'. But apparently once it was revealed to be a joke, they've had people complaining because they actually wanted it.

    Or maybe their customers are the ones playing the 'double 'April Fool to see if they can get them to make it....


    Since I have zero problems with pickles -- bring it!

  20. #20
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    I make my own. Fucking love 'em.

    Toxic farts though.

  21. #21
    disturbance in the Turnip baldrick's Avatar
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    life pro tip

    treat every article on the internet as it it is april 1st

    the chef in this video about making burgers make his own pickels


  22. #22
    Balls to Monty
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    I thought his highness the sultan was pulling our leg yesterday but this story is still up on the BBC today so now I am not so sure...



    Brunei implements stoning to death under anti-LGBT laws

    Brunei is introducing strict new Islamic laws that make anal sex and adultery offences punishable by stoning to death.



    The new measures, that come into force on Wednesday, also cover a range of other crimes including punishment for theft by amputation.

    The move has sparked international condemnation.

    Brunei's gay community has expressed shock and fear at the "medieval punishments".

    "You wake up and realise that your neighbours, your family or even that nice old lady that sells prawn fritters by the side of the road doesn't think you're human, or is okay with stoning," one Bruneian gay man, who did not want to be identified, told the BBC.

    The sultan of the small South-East Asian nation on Wednesday called for "stronger" Islamic teachings.

    "I want to see Islamic teachings in this country grow stronger," Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah said in a public address, according to AFP news agency, without mentioning the new laws.

    https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-47769964
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  23. #23
    disturbance in the Turnip baldrick's Avatar
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    with his sculptured facial hair and can tell he is a closet homosexual

  24. #24
    Balls to Monty
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    In 2008 in Canberra I had the semi-royal privilege of shagging the ex-wife of the nephew of the Sultan of Brunei (up the arse..!!)

    Would that warrant a royal stoning if I ever set foot in the kingdom or does it have to be a bloke's blurter?

  25. #25
    disturbance in the Turnip baldrick's Avatar
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    yer buggered

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