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  1. #1
    The Fool on the Hill bowie's Avatar
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    assimilation of a Thai

    Spin-off from another thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Davis Knowlton View Post
    And Asian women who live in America for any period of time often turn into shrews as well.
    Interesting – the Americanization of an Asian female. Not just America, but, what changes have you noticed in your wife since she’s been exposed to a foreign culture.

    Just under a year in America took my wife back to Thailand for a vacation. In the slums of Bangkok, where foreigners do not go, she suddenly asks me “Why is everybody looking at me?” Well, they weren’t looking at her they were looking at me, but, for the first time in her life she was observing what others were looking at, as opposed to keeping her eyes averted (as all good Asian females are taught they should do). Now granted, this was twenty-five years ago, but, still…

    In the USA a pair of jeans runs about USD $25, it took a few years before she would actually buy a pair of jeans – “I could feed my entire family for a month on the price of a pair of jeans”

    Another item from her first visit back to Thailand – just under a year so she rang up friends, well, her friends were uncomfortable being around her, seems her having married a falang and lived outside the country raised her status to the point that she lost friendships - her friends felt they had to treat her with a "higher" level of respect and couldn't enjoy themselves around her. That was/is the most puzzling thing I noticed.

    Those are a few of my recollections concerning the Americanization of my wife.

    What differences and changes have you noticed in your wife? Not limited to just those who have travelled outside of the country, but, any differences that you have noticed just on the basis of having married you, a foreigner?

  2. #2
    Thailand Expat
    can123's Avatar
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    My wife's friends and family have not changed the nature of their relationships because she has been in frequent contact with them over the years. New technology makes this easier than ever and it is unusual for her not to speak with somebody or other in Thailand every day.

  3. #3
    Philippine Expat Davis Knowlton's Avatar
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    Even though I guess I kind of started this ball rolling, it really doesn't apply to my wife, who is a Filipina. We've been together 29 years, married for 19. We've lived in the Philippines since we got married; prior to that, she lived with me in Thailand. She's visited the US a number of times, and is an American citizen, but has no more desire to ever live there than I do.

  4. #4
    ความรู้ลึกลับ HuangLao's Avatar
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    Thank goodness for the enlightened Farang way.....


    *BURP​*

  5. #5
    Thailand Expat Pragmatic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HuangLao View Post
    Thank goodness for the enlightened Farang way.....
    For sure.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by HuangLao View Post
    Thank goodness for the enlightened Farang way.....


    *BURP​*
    Living in other cultures and experiencing new ways of living will always change everybody as their horizons expand. It's nothing to do with "enlightened farangs" and everything to do with boundaries being removed. I assumed that you might have grasped that rather than take the standard cliche "farang fink they so good" approach.
    Originally Posted by bsnub "No wonder I drive a tesla"

  7. #7
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    I was at a family gathering in Phuket a few years ago. The sister of the host came in with aging Danish farang husband and proceeded to shout at everyone telling them how much better Denmark was than Thailand.

    The other farang husbands looked sheepish and embarrassed, including hers; the Thais looked absolutely mortified.

    As a guest, I didn't feel it would be my place to tell her to fuck off, but I really wanted to.

    Anyway, after throwing a strop, she pissed off with husband in tow and everyone relaxed and had a great time.

    It transpired that she'd got up her own arse about getting a farang husband and couldn't wait to stick it to any Thai who could hear, at every opportunity.

    Strange, because her sister was a charming and gentle soul. Peas from different pods.

    Apparently the entire neighbourhood used to breathe a sigh of relief when the old witch fucked off back to Copenhagen.

  8. #8
    Days Work Done! Norton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pseudolus View Post
    as their horizons expand
    Or contract as we often see with westerners living in the LoS.

  9. #9
    ความรู้ลึกลับ HuangLao's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Norton View Post
    Or contract as we often see with westerners living in the LoS.

    Assimilation of Farang.
    Some true, yet most not.

    Anywhere.
    Last edited by HuangLao; 10-12-2018 at 11:00 PM.

  10. #10
    I am in Jail
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    It would be interesting to read comments on how I had changed when I returned to the fatherland after 12 years in LOS.


  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by stroller View Post
    It would be interesting to read comments on how I had changed when I returned to the fatherland after 12 years in LOS.
    Probably along the lines of "Still a dickhead then".

  12. #12
    I am in Jail
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    Lol, got wound up somehow, shitbird?

  13. #13
    'ello 'ello 'ello Luigi's Avatar
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    Main Mrs' family was based in England from the age of 6-14. Seems to have assimilated well enough to realize that living in Thailand is far preferable.

  14. #14
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by bowie View Post
    to keeping her eyes averted (as all good Asian females are taught they should do)
    Not in/with their peer groups.

    Quote Originally Posted by bowie View Post
    her having married a falang and lived outside the country raised her status to the point that she lost friendships
    In her mind possibly, maybe not in those ex-"friends" of hers.

    Quote Originally Posted by bowie View Post
    any differences that you have noticed just on the basis of having married you, a foreigner?
    Initially I was very much an oddity in the village , once her friends, family and people I interacted with, realised I "had a good heart" and would muck in and get my "hands dirty" as they do, the distancing stopped. Now I mix with all the locals, those wanting a few baht if I have a job that needs doing, through local shopkeepers, police inspectors, school directors, soldiers with lots of gold braid up to provincial leaders looking for a topic to include in their speeches. My wife went from being very proud of me because her standard of living increased, to now ensuring we live within the budget I have set.

    As a foreigner I am allowed small mistakes I still make in family meetings, greetings, farewells etc. Her friends both male and female interact with me as they do with their Thai friends. Their kids seem to like a foreign "Uncle" who plays with them gives them treats. I play the role of a husband when required with cultured pizazz. Her parents, brother and sister seem happy with my interactions with them and their daughters/sister's relationship with me, generally siding with me when "difficulties" arise, as they have done whilst we've been together. I believe I've assimilated well in the small Thai village and it's way of life which I chose to join and intend to remain.

    As a travelled foreigner I am able to shepherd her through the new experiences of airports, big cities which, as she had limited experience of, we both enjoy.

    The differences are mainly the result of me having lived and worked in a number of different countries and her, generally, living in smaller Thai towns and relying on relatives to assist her when needed. Being a foreigner I am more wealthy than most of her friends and have no need to "work" unless I choose to. Mostly it's shall I do "X" today or put it off for another day/week/next month. Many of her peer group need work every day just to make it through their lives. Many of my Thai "friends" are English speakers and hence are sometimes outside my wife's close circle and possibly her comfort zone.

    When she is good I couldn't wish for a better partner, when she is bad and she is occasionally, I smile and think, this is too good to give up and start again with another.
    Last edited by OhOh; 11-12-2018 at 02:14 AM.
    A tray full of GOLD is not worth a moment in time.

  15. #15
    Thailand Expat David48atTD's Avatar
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    ^ Even though we now reside in the West () a lot of that applies to me/to us.

    When she is good I couldn't wish for a better partner, when she is bad and she is occasionally, I smile and think, this is too good to give up and start again with another.
    Rewritten for us ... She's great, my best friend and an excellent Mother. I couldn't wish for a better partner, when she f*cks up and she does occasionally (as I do) she's learnt to apologise (sometimes ).
    I smile and think, this is too good to give up and start again with another.

    “Someone is sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago”

    .

  16. #16
    The Fool on the Hill bowie's Avatar
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    Well, I thank you all for your responses.
    Few noticeable changes were observed or reported.
    The changes that I observed in my wife were not earth shattering. The puzzling change was in her friends.

    One of the slants in this thread “what changes are/were observed in yourself?”
    For myself ex-military and have never gone home – unanswerable.

    Another slant – How have I assimilated? – no problem, I am well practiced, lived in approx. a dozen different locals/countries. Although, gotta admit, the Thai language is a task and a half. I’m the only falang in the Moo Baan and in the area (that I know of).

    I get along well, with all the locals, neighbors, and pretty much all the Thai’s that I come in contact with. Accepted at face value by most, I’m their “token” falang. Of course, being able to speak their language, not fluently but on an elementary level, does work wonders.

    Anyway, thanks again for your responses.

  17. #17
    Thailand Expat tomcat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OhOh View Post
    When she is good I couldn't wish for a better partner, when she is bad and she is occasionally, I smile and think, this is too good to give up and start again with another.
    ...insufferably condescending...I wonder how she puts up with it...

  18. #18
    Thailand Expat
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    Been with my Thai wife just over ten years. She is a qualified senior nurse and perhaps a bit above the average Thai IQ. However it has always been her EQ that astounded me. She was 30 when we met and has always been wiser than her age. In terms of assimilating overseas she was with me for quite a bit of time in Singapore, then three years in Dubai, then six months in Australia, then a year in Arizona, then eight months traveling the world and now we've been in northern Thailand for seven months. Each time I've taken her somewhere to live it has only been a matter of a couple of weeks before she had the confidence to venture out shopping, using an ATM (apart from me), sightseeing, etc on her own. While she doesn't drive, taking public transport including taxis/UBER/etc she took in her stride. Probably the only thing I can think of atm of what may have changed in her is that outside of Thailand she began to see the gulf between the haves and have nots. It was only after the Dubai time she acknowledged she had not previously recognized it in Thailand, despite her now agreeing the disparity is huge here. She now has a level of sympathy and understanding for those less well off and provides donations and tips, two things she never previously did. She is no hi-so, had a very difficult beginning to life...she was born into poverty, no dairy for the first two years and she and her family lived in a truck till she was five. Now just over forty and considers she had had the most wonderful and charmed life.

  19. #19
    ความรู้ลึกลับ HuangLao's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tomcat View Post
    ...insufferably condescending.
    Sadly, a demonstrated common trait among too many members of this esteemed venue.
    You know the type -

    Condescending cro-magnon.
    Real men.

  20. #20
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by tomcat View Post
    .I wonder how she puts up with it...
    Her vocal, physical and practicle actions are my measures, how about you, by what indicators do you judge by in your relationships?

  21. #21
    I am in Jail

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    Quote Originally Posted by pseudolus View Post
    Living in other cultures and experiencing new ways of living will always change everybody as their horizons expand. It's nothing to do with "enlightened farangs" and everything to do with boundaries being removed. I assumed that you might have grasped that rather than take the standard cliche "farang fink they so good" approach.
    spot-on, as usual

  22. #22
    I am in Jail

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    Quote Originally Posted by HuangLao View Post
    Sadly, a demonstrated common trait among too many members of this esteemed venue.
    You know the type -

    Condescending cro-magnon.
    Real men.
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails assimilation of a Thai-8e655b03cba1b0bfb5220a67a42600ba.jpg  

  23. #23
    CCBW JPPR2's Avatar
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    My contribution to the thread

    My wife adapted very well in the states when we moved there. She speaks very good English and always has. She however never really warmed up to the states even though nearly all her friends were envious she got to move and live there. It was enlightening for her on many fronts the biggest being that she says the states are not as great as it is perceived around the globe. Nevertheless my wife kept her Thai values in place while opening up to a new country.

    My wife (like many Thais) grew up reasonably poor. She pursued and got her degree in Nutritional Medicine at a University in BKK and worked at a hospital but her mom became ill with cancer and for 7 long years she spent every baht she made to keep her alive. She made pretty descent money working at the hospital but was never able to save anything. After her Mom died then came taking care of her father which was a shared duty amongst her and her sister. For me she never asked me for money, She said her family is her responsibility not mine. I thought this was very admirable as many of us know the deal here and other Asian countries.

    While we lived in the US she worked as a hostess/waiter at a very nice Thai restaurant. She still came home and cooked every night, kept the house in order but that slowly changed as in the states men share the house duties and that took her some time to get used to. This has carried over back here as we split chores but I wouldn't have it any other way.

    Overall my wife has become quite americanized in many aspects. However there are things she just never does like apologize when wrong (never met a Thai who does), Say Thank You when someone does something for them, Say excuse me when they drop ass or close the damn bathroom door when going to the shitter.

    I will say I like her mix of Thai and Americanized. She has become witty and in some ways a smart ass. Her humor remains a bit hard to get at times but it is there. She shops smart and always looks to save and is not an impulse buyer. She seldom complains except that I do not speak much Thai and cannot read it. She remains modest and humble around her friends and never flaunts anything. In fact our house is sort of the hub for all the friend get-togethers and parties which I like. They drop by and hang out on Friday nights and weekends sometimes and always bring food and whatever they want to drink and do not expect the "White Guy" to pony up the cash being they all think we are rich.



    Quote Originally Posted by bowie View Post
    Another slant – How have I assimilated? – no problem, I am well practiced, lived in approx. a dozen different locals/countries. Although, gotta admit, the Thai language is a task and a half. I’m the only falang in the Moo Baan and in the area (that I know of).

    I get along well, with all the locals, neighbors, and pretty much all the Thai’s that I come in contact with. Accepted at face value by most, I’m their “token” falang. Of course, being able to speak their language, not fluently but on an elementary level, does work wonders.
    Pretty much my status Bowie. I think I assimilated well as they see me working my ass off around the property and house and do not just pay to have some person do the work for me. I have helped neighbors with various house, car and electrical issues. In fact about a month or so ago, I helped my FIL's brother build a car park area and it seemed like big news that I was there helping family. They brought over food and beer and were quite thankful I helped. Of course me having all the right tools made the job really easy but they didn't need to know that....

  24. #24
    TD Fat Club VP Dillinger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JPPR2 View Post
    think I assimilated well as they see me working my ass off around the property and house and do not just pay to have some person do the work for me. I have helped neighbors with various house, car and electrical issues
    Thats not assimilating to Thai culture in the sticks.

    You should be waking up drinking Hong Thong, dressed in only a sarong, whilst leaving the wife to get on with all the chores and have a couple of giks on the go

  25. #25
    TD Fat Club VP Dillinger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JPPR2 View Post
    I will say I like her mix of Thai and Americanized. She has become witty and in some ways a smart ass. Her humor remains a bit hard to get at times
    She's Americanized alright
    All she needs to do now is to get loud and brash and go round telling everyone that whatever they are discussing is bigger in the States

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