Thread: How hard done by are you? Tales of woe

Originally Posted by November Rain

No, officially not a hijack - a legitimate & interesting tale of woe. Besides, the thread might get to the 200 mark!

The actual sin sod doesn't sound like the worst to me (I've heard of a lot more), but if you can't afford it, then of course it's too much. The 10k a month is what I think is the bloody liberty taking! Is your wife likely to take your side or theirs if you absolutely put your foot down?

^ Good question. I'd like to say she'd take my side, but like most Thai girls, family probably comes before a future husband. We'll see what happens.

Geez, Durianfan. So it's keeping up with the Somchais and the other farang hubbies, is it? You will never keep up or please the fam if it's like that. Farang A will buy an SUV, FB will build a swimming pool, and on and on. You're not marrying for money. Might be better to end it now and start a new life. There are lots of fine, beautiful women. Find the one who loves you for you, not how much you will contribute to the family coffers. Sad, but true. Don't wreck your life, your well-being and your credit to show off.

^Here's what I would do.

Explain that if you give 200 000 you will start your marriage heavily in debt. You simply do not have that kind of money. What you can do is present the money for show. Only the very closest family will know it is not for real, and will be given back to you after the ceremony.

As for the 10 000, do what Stroller said. Say you can not provide them with that kind of money either. Explain you will do your best to help out with basic needs throughout.

If they do not accept this, I do not think you should marry into the family.

^ Totally agree, the family is treating you like the typical buffalo farang, ie. easily led by the nose. Gain some face and tell them no to the family allowance, and if the sin sot is not being given back and you cannot afford it negotiate it down. Tell them 100 K or some such figure and like it or lump it. A bird in the hand and all that...

You are in negotiations now, they got a product, you got the cash, don't be played into something over some cultural bullshit. That's the angle the neighbours would have used to score their 1 million baht and 500 k sin sots.

ps. apologies for calling your gf a product but that is exactly how the family is seeing her and it might do you better to think that way when dealing with them.

Good advice, thanks to both of you. That's exactly what I plan to do. About a year ago when I first inquired about this (there's actually a thread somewhere around here that I started about it), I told her that I wouldn't mind paying 200k as long as I got it back. She told me that she had never heard of this happening. Quite possible that she's never heard of it, but I certainly have. Anyway, I'll probably revisit this when it comes closer to actually going up there. Thanks everyone.

Originally Posted by durianfan

she's fantastic in every way except for her parents (who I haven't met yet)

Ahh, go and see them, it's very much outside etiquette not to before talking about marriage.
That might well ease feelings on both sides and change the story.

Originally Posted by durianfan

I told her that I wouldn't mind paying 200k as long as I got it back. She told me that she had never heard of this happening.

That would make me really question the girl's honesty.

^ not really as it,s not something that would be mentioned after the wedding unless you are close family. I was offered 100k back after the wedding but told them to keep it as I am not a school teacher.
Also familys do like to tell lies about how much money was recieved and if you are a real dickhead the family maybe able to talk you into building some shit in the temple so the family gains a bit of face

But to say you have never heard of sin sot being returned ever?

Originally Posted by bkkmadness

Originally Posted by durianfan

I told her that I wouldn't mind paying 200k as long as I got it back. She told me that she had never heard of this happening.

That would make me really question the girl's honesty.

Thats bullshit, I just loaned one of my sisters in law 100K and gold to show sin sot at her wedding.Her Thai husband doesn't have the money needed. My wife and I never let the stuff out of our site,and we took it back as soon as the show was over. When I got married I didn't pay no sin sot, I thought it was bullshit and still do, but 12 years on I think I was wrong and I believe paying some would have been more respectful.But I wouldn't hurt myself financially over it if I were you.You will have many expanses getting your wife back home, lots of clothes to buy,etc. If she doesn't understand, you will have to find another one, some day.Explain that to her, I'm sure she will be a quick learner. Good luck.

Sin sot was discussed in great detail on this thread. You may want to check it out.
https://teakdoor.com/living-in-thaila...-price-qs.html

A Thai colleague of mine is paying a 100 thousand baht sin sot but he is marrying a lawyer from a traditional family. Personally I'd never pay sin sot.

If a girl tells you her family needs sin sot tell her to get saving. Paying it themselves makes more sense.

Originally Posted by bkkmadness

But to say you have never heard of sin sot being returned ever?

Mine was. But like Rigger I insisted they keep it to offset the cost of the wedding.

Originally Posted by bkkmadness

But to say you have never heard of sin sot being returned ever?

It does seem a bit extreme, not enough to question her honesty though. The whole point of sin sot for show is that you do not tell anyone it is for show. That would defeat the purpose.

I am not sure how common it is either.