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Thread: BALLS

  1. #1
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    BALLS

    Kick em Hit em Tickle em, our spherical fascination

    My childhood mentor was a funny ole bloke called Coleman who read the sports.
    Like Brian Johnstome and Benaud he was famous for mangled phrases , double entendres and of course Balls ups. For years Private Eye teh satircal mag had a colmn called Colemanballs which David took in good spirit.

    Some gems below

    Some of David Coleman’s best Colemanballs:

    “That’s the fastest time ever run – but it’s not as fast as the world record.”

    “A truly international field, no Britons involved.”

    “The Republic of China – back in the Olympic Games for the first time.”


    “Don’t tell those coming in the final result of that fantastic match, but let’s just have another look at Italy’s winning goal.”
    “He’s 31 this year – last year he was 30.”
    “He just can’t believe what’s not happening to him.”
    “In a moment we hope to see the pole vault over the satellite.”

    “He is accelerating all the time. The last lap was run in 64 seconds and the one before that in 62.”
    “It’s gold or nothing ... and it’s nothing. He comes away with the silver medal.”
    “There is Brendan Foster, by himself with 20,000 people.”
    “Forest have now lost six matches without winning.”
    “The front wheel crosses the finish line, closely followed by the back wheel.”
    “And here’s Moses Kiptanui – the 19-year-old Kenyan who turned 20 a few weeks ago.”
    “If that had gone in, it would have been a goal.”
    “This evening is a very different evening from the morning we had this morning.”
    “I think there is no doubt, she’ll probably qualify for the final.”
    “Nobody has ever won the title twice before. He (Roger Black) has already done that.”
    “Both of the Villa scorers – Withe and Mortimer – were born in Liverpool as was the Villa manager Ron Saunders who was born in Birkenhead.”
    "And the line-up for the final of the women's 400 metres hurdles includes three Russians, two East Germans, a Pole, a Swede and a Frenchman."
    "We estimate, and this isn't an estimation, that Greta Waltz is 80 seconds behind."

    I used to have a job at a calendar factory.
    I got the sack because
    I took a couple of days off.

  2. #2
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    From our American cousins

    Hall of Fame NFL Quarterback Terry Bradshaw



    1. I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid.
      Now I may be an idiot, but there is one thing I am not, sir, and that, sir, is an idiot (
      provided by Peter Griffin).

  3. #3
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    Some good ones there.
    Reminds me of my aunt, from Sweden, who when directing my mum backing out of a driveway waved her back with the words, "Come on, straight ahead backwards".

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    Even if you never seen or like the noble art of cricket Johnston, Jonners to his fans was unique, knowledgeable and like his peers Benaud and Blofield a legend


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    Funny Sports Sayings and Quotes

    Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old funny sports quotes, funny sports sayings, and funny sports proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.



    Rugby is a beastly game played by gentlemen; soccer is a gentleman's game played by beasts; football is a beastly game played by beasts.
    Henry Blaha


    know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.
    Gerald R. Ford


    I've never lost a game I just ran out of time.
    Michael Jordan


    It's a round ball and a round bat, and you got to hit it square.
    Pete Rose


    The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
    Phyllis Diller


    If you make every game a life-and-death thing, you're going to have problems. You'll be dead a lot.
    Dean Smith


    Baseball is like church. Many attend few understand.
    Leo Durocher


    I don't have any tricky plays, I'd rather have tricky players.
    Abe Lemons


    All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and profanity.
    Gordie Howe


    The trouble with referees is that they know the rules, but they do not know the game.
    Bill Shankly


    You win some, lose some, and wreck some.
    Dale Earnhardt


    The first half was even, the second half was even worse.
    Pat Spillane


    I think football would become an even better game if someone could invent a ball that kicks back.
    Eric Morecambe


    The rules of soccer are very simple, basically it is this: if it moves, kick it. If it doesn't move, kick it until it does.
    Phil Woosnam


    Pro football is like nuclear warfare. There are no winners, only survivors.
    Frank Gifford



    Serious sport is war minus the shooting.
    George Orwell


    Sports are the reason I am out of shape. I watch them all on TV.
    Thomas Sowell


    If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
    Erma Bombeck


    The NFL, like life, is full of idiots.
    Randy Cross


    The breakfast of champions is not cereal, it's the opposition.
    Nick Seitz


    That awkward moment when you're wearing Nike's and you can't do it.
    unknown


    Fault finding is like window washing. All the dirt seems to be on the other side.
    unknown


    One day of practice is like one day of clean living. It doesn't do you any good.
    Abe Lemmons


    The fewer rules a coach has, the fewer rules there are for players to break.
    John Madden


    Baseball is almost the only orderly thing in a very un-orderly world. If you get three strikes, even the best lawyer in the world can't get you off.
    Bill Veeck


    If practice makes perfect, and no one is perfect, why practice?
    Derek P.


    If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
    Jack Lemmon


    Tennis and golf are best played, not watched.
    Roger Kahn


    Wrestling is ballet with violence.
    Jesse Ventura


    Playing polo is like trying to play golf during an earthquake.
    Sylvester Stallone


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  7. #7
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    and oddballs good catch loopy


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    I digress but equally amusing

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    I have three....

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