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  1. #1
    Head Skivvie Stacker Storekeeper's Avatar
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    Guys, please stop saying ...

    Guys, please stop saying 'bro', 'dude', and 'mate', Opinion News & Top Stories - The Straits Times

    Men only use "bro" to add a layer of sugar over a hard nugget of compressed fertiliser

    "Listen: You have to stop saying "bro". I'm your friend, and I have to tell you that you sound like an idiot when you use "bro", or "dude", and "mate".

    You are not allowed to use "bro" the same way your parents cannot use "cool". It does not sound right in your mouth. I cringe for you.

    The only time you can use "dude" is when :

    • You have a surfboard under your arm and are about to hit some gnarly waves.
    • You just base-jumped off Mount Faber.
    • You own a chain of Polynesian-themed bars.

    "Dude" is used a lot on the Internet. It is used most often when someone wants to act superior but does not want to sound like a prat, even when he is being a gigantic prat.

    "Chill, dude. I was only joking."

    "Dude, if you like immigrants so much, why don't you invite them to live in your house?"

    "Dude, how about we both admit we don't know enough about history to say whether Hitler was a good or bad person? lol"

    Qualifying a "dude" with an "lol" is the last resort of the person who has run out of anything worthwhile to say, pretends to give up, moves in for a handshake, then kicks you between the legs and runs away.

    I used to be fine with "bro" until I noticed that men only use it to add a layer of sugar over a hard nugget of compressed fertiliser.

    "Bro" is the verbal equivalent of a co-worker who drops by your desk and gives you a back massage - it is an awkward move, made worse by how it is just a prelude to a metaphorical slap in the face.

    "Bro" is often followed by "can I get a discount?" after a deal is set. It is invoking the bro code at the last minute, which is strictly brohibited unless there has been a brolific and brogressive display of broactive behaviour. Get with the brogramme, guys.

    Another thing about "bro" - it is the favourite of drive-time deejays. It is used in the sorts of ways - as punctuation, as a punchline, as a time-filler - that make me want to punch the car radio. As I am usually in a taxi, that would be unwise. I await the day when a drive-time show is aired using only the word "bro", uttered in a variety of tones.

    Bro-ey deejays are like Singaporeans who go gaga for US President Donald Trump on Facebook - they are borrowing an irrelevant stance, when there are more direct methods of communication available.

    For example, the deejays can just say "oi", and the pro-Trump Singaporeans can say "I'm borrowing this frog meme and red hat because I enjoy playing the victim of an imaginary enemy". It would save a lot of time.

    It is the same with "mate". The conditions for its use are very restricted in Singapore. You can use "mate" if:

    • You have taken a bite of Vegemite sandwich and despite that, intend to finish it.
    • When someone is speaking, you can spot if he or she is from Wellington or Sydney.
    • And then make the appropriate sheep- or kangaroo-related joke that will not get you punched in the face.

    Owning a condo in Perth does not grant one the right to use "mate", nor does a degree from RMIT University, doubly so if it is from the affiliate at the Singapore Institute of Management.

    For women, I've been told their equivalent of "mate" or "bro" is "babe". Like "bro", "babe" is meant to flatter, implying that the speaker has granted the other the wonderful gift of closeness, thus giving the user of the word the right to be a total donkey.

    Babe and bro users are like those who preface everything with "believe me" or "trust me". They should be read as a warning that you should count the silverware after they leave the house.

    So please stop. You have choices. "Hey", or "oi" or "I'm about to act like a complete baboon so could you..." are acceptable alternatives".

  2. #2
    Pedantic bastard
    nidhogg's Avatar
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    Sure thing, Pops.

  3. #3
    Philippine Expat Davis Knowlton's Avatar
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    NZD's feelings will be hurt.

  4. #4
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    Mate would probably be the "safest" of the three...

  5. #5
    Thailand Expat
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    If someone loosely uses "bro" = I don't trust him.

  6. #6
    Thailand Expat

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    Those words shouldn't be used in Asia by Asians. Agree. It's quite funny hearing an Indian in NZ say "mate"...sounds like "might".
    Then there is "bud" which shouldn't be used by anyone except a purveyor of Hawaii's finest, and then only in reference to his stock. It's the most squeamishly greasy fake camaraderie there is.

    "If someone loosely uses "bro" = I don't trust him." Yeah, I know what you mean. Same as "bud". It's just so hollow.

  7. #7
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    ^^ In a "wizard's sleeve" kinda way?...

  8. #8
    disturbance in the Turnip baldrick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Storekeeper
    You can use "mate" if:
    you can't remember the cnuts name

  9. #9
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by hick View Post
    If someone loosely uses "bro" = I don't trust him.
    Quote Originally Posted by BaitongBoy View Post
    ^^ In a "wizard's sleeve" kinda way?...
    I,...uhhh, don't see the correlation.

    Now I do. No, not in that way at all.

  10. #10
    Thailand Expat

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    ^^ Fairy nuff...

  11. #11
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    Yeah.. naah...

    Believe it, or not, I didn't use the term "bro" as commonly as I do on TD, before I returned to NZ... finding it a bit 'cringe'...

    But I've since changed my opinion on its usage.... why?

    I feel it's an endearing word of friendship (contracted from brother) like anything, it depends on the situation and whom you are speaking to. I wouldn't use it in a professional setting, or to people I know don't appreciate it.

    Like anything.. it's situational.. I wouldn't dare swear in front of my Nana, for instance (not that bro is a swearword, or holds any negative connotation)...

    "Dude" is very situational as well... hardly ever used here in NZ, as it's 'out' of modern vernacular - except by the older generations, I suppose (older surfy clique).

    I think "Bro" is pretty harmless, so common here in NZ, with all classes of Kiwis, not just dodgy Dick 55...

    So, if I call ya bro, don't be offended... it just means I like ya, bro...

    Last edited by NZdick1983; 21-05-2017 at 12:24 PM.

  12. #12
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    ^ Fairy nuff...Again...How would you rate "dude," NZ?...

  13. #13
    Philippine Expat Davis Knowlton's Avatar
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    ^^I find "bro" offensively familiar. I'm not your brother. I have two of those, neither would ever use "bro".

    If one must address me directly, I much prefer "Sir".

  14. #14
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    ^^^ the dickie doth protest too much

  15. #15
    Thailand Expat
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    "I feel ya bro."

    Ahem, ...no. As a matter of fact, you do not and may not feel me.


    (unsaid): I ain't your fuckin' bro either. I can barely tolerate you.

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by BaitongBoy
    ^ Fairy nuff...Again...How would you rate "dude," NZ?...
    The dude? he's da man, bro!





    Quote Originally Posted by Davis Knowlton
    If one must address me directly, I much prefer "Sir".
    I always respect my customers by calling them Sir/Mam... funnily enough, one was insulted with its usage lol... but almost all of them, greatly appreciate the respect given by those words. (as long as you are sincere when using them).

    Senior citizens, love it when you call them Sir/Mam... language is a powerful tool, use it to your advantage..

    Quote Originally Posted by katie23
    ^^^ the dickie doth protest too much
    No protest... it works for me - in my environment... don't think I will use it much in Japan (sadly)... there are far worse things to be called. Also depends on the person/tone, etc..

    Quote Originally Posted by hick
    (unsaid): I ain't your fuckin' bro either. I can barely tolerate you.
    duly noted: can't please everyone ey... I will continue being my lovable self, sis... heh...

  17. #17
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    All the downtown ladies call him Treetop Lover
    All the men just call him Sir...

  18. #18
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    Dicky you my Bro.

  19. #19
    Thailand Expat David48atTD's Avatar
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    In Australia, the term 'Mate' is a recognised hierarchy of Friendship.

    'F' off you C*nt can be used with a close friend when spinning a BS tale.

    Piss off can be used to many anonymous people and certainly any Referee who gives a decision/penalty against your Team ... plus you could use the above descriptive phrase.

    G'Day Mate ... the use of the term Mate is akin to a friendly unknown or someone to whom you consider friendly, but would not share personal confidences.

    Mateship is ingrained in the Australian lexicon.

    Friends ... inner circle, you usually wouldn't bother taking off your shoes to count.
    FBF ... Facebook Friends ... F off ... I don't have FB


    As for Bros ... I'll defer to our younger brothers from across the ditch.

    Dude is, for us, just BS USA speak ... we'd almost never use it.


    OK Mate ?
    .

    “Someone is sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago”

    .

  20. #20
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  21. #21
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    Some ladies don't like ma'am...Makes them feel old...

  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chico
    Dicky you my Bro.
    You my nigga too, bro... fuck the haters ey?

    They'd find something to hate with a blind mute... "oh, he doesn't talk very much"... waa waa...

    Quote Originally Posted by BaitongBoy
    Some ladies don't like ma'am...Makes them feel old...
    Yeah, but until they find a device to detect the idiosyncrasies of each snow flake on the planet, ya just gotta go with ya gut, bro..

    *I've been going to farmer's markets in Auckland, hunting down a wholesaler of Manuka Honey (for sale in Japan)... the lady I spoke to yesterday
    prolly in her late 50's, very much liked my use of Mam.. (I could tell)... she oozed her appreciation all over me 55... she thought I was such a polite gentleman
    gave me her card, agreed on a 20% wholesale discount of her niche raw honey... hmm sounds kinky...

    Where are my Kiwi bros hiding to back me up? I'm getting spanked here... lol
    Last edited by NZdick1983; 21-05-2017 at 12:43 PM.

  23. #23
    Thailand Expat
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    Here, it's common to call Sir/Ma'am - for sales staff to customers, students to teachers, etc. No big deal.

    In the vernacular, guys call each other "pare", a shortcut of "compadre" from Spanish. Sometimes Bro is also used. Never heard Dude or Mate among my male friends or colleagues. Among females, esp the younger ones, it's common to hear Beh or Bes, derived from Best or Bestie/BFF.

  24. #24
    Thailand Expat VocalNeal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Storekeeper
    "Listen: You have to stop saying "bro". I'm your friend, and I have to tell you that you sound like an idiot when you use "bro", or "dude", and "mate".
    OK, son.

  25. #25
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by Davis Knowlton
    If one must address me directly, I much prefer "Sir".
    That's kind of an old person thing to say bro.

    Quote Originally Posted by NZdick1983
    Senior citizens, love it when you call them Sir/Mam... language is a powerful tool, use it to your advantage..
    Agreed, its all situational

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