To the Homesick Englishman

[The Gentleman Scamp]

Has life in Asia ever been shit enough for you to miss England? Do you ever find yourself missing jackets and coats, Sainsbury’s and Waitrose, pubs at Christmas time, Top Gear, Have I Got News For You and Jonathan Ross?

Is it possible that now you have your sexy little Asian girlfriend that you could handle life in the UK because at least you’ll get laid and have company?

Have you not had enough of Thailand and do you ever consider moving back there like some of your mates have done with their Asian wives who are now happily settled in Amersham or Waterlooville or Thame or Harrow on the Hill and are learning to cook from Ainsley Harriot on the telly and are no longer jealous and moody because there are no go-go bars to go to?

Your parents are getting on a bit, they don’t know it yet but they would love your missus and she would take care of them when they had to use a chamber pot, unlike your brothers wife who can’t even lift a finger to send an e-mail saying ‘Thanks for the special anniversary edition of our wedding video that you were up until 6am editing’.

Are you afraid that once back you would never return or are you more afraid that ‘townies’, joy riders and wayward kids on drugs would accost you in their English street wigger dialect and happy slap you?

[Sir Burr]

No, never.

[shehiredahitman]

There are some things you can get here & nowhere else (like going to the footie) but the minute I find a way to stay - without hassle - forever in a better country (not sure Thailand's it) I'm gone.

[kayo]

I made the mistake of returning here.

T'was not wise. Sadly, not a lot I do is.

Everything is laid down by law. There's little or no room for any form of open minded thinking. Conformity us the name of the game. Everything is run by femiNazi's and their favourite lackey's: the gay community.

Oh, and in this "post 9/11" world, if you've been away for many years, and return to the UK, you're probably a terrorist threat.

[obsidian]

fuck the usa. i may never go back.

[Spin]

Englands a nice place for a holiday for a month during songkran. but thats enough and then its back to this dump

[slimboyfat]

I get my Jonathan Ross fix via Radio 2 internet radio.

I miss Cornish Pasties and getting carpet slippers from my parents at Christmas.

Those arent good enough reasons to go back though.

[Sir Burr]

I made the mistake of returning here.

T'was not wise. Sadly, not a lot I do is.

Everything is laid down by law. There's little or no room for any form of open minded thinking. Conformity us the name of the game. Everything is run by femiNazi's and their favourite lackey's: the gay community.

Oh, and in this "post 9/11" world, if you've been away for many years, and return to the UK, you're probably a terrorist threat.

Welcome Kayo.

[The Gentleman Scamp]

It must be shit if you're single and used to Asia.

[Sir Burr]

I always thought being single and in Asia (with plenty of money) was as good as it gets!

[terry57]

^

your fukin spot on there mate.

[The Ghost Of The Moog]

UK house prices keep me away.

Otherwise, maybe.

I don't have the feeling that if I returned to UK that I would never come back to Thailand - I own property here, and mini-Moog is 1/2 Thai. All my furniture from Jakarta arrived in BKk yesterday so after 5 years here, as of this morning it feels more homely.


I think that 'the fear of never coming back' is one of the psychological issues that make people stay here long after their sell-by date.

[FatBoyEric]

Is it possible that now you have your sexy little Asian girlfriend that you could handle life in the UK because at least you’ll get laid and have company?

Taking one of those sexy little Asian girlfriends back home could be the beginning of the end. Fish out of water and all that. She'll no doubt pile on the pounds & have an arse & beer gut that a native farang girl would be proud of, within a year. She'll constantly complain about the weather, the crap food & the lack of Thai friends to hang out with. You'll end up pacifying her by spending a small fortune on imported Thai foodstuffs & handicrafts.

And if that wasn't bad enough, when you get bored with her, and you surely will, it'll be a heck of a lot more difficult & expensive to replace her.

[sabang]

I'm quite glad I was born in England but frankly I have absolutely no ambition to see that place again.
I love the Cotswolds though.

[Gerbil]

Haven't lived there for 20 years. Visited 4 times in that period. I dread going each time and hate every second that I'm there.

I do like UK house prices though. Invested in three properties there, two of which I have never seen in real life and all of them have at least doubled in 'real value' *and* bring in nice monthly rental fees.

I am thinking of dumping at least one of them though as I've got a funny feeling about an imminent price slump.

[kayo]

I made the mistake of returning here.

T'was not wise. Sadly, not a lot I do is.

Everything is laid down by law. There's little or no room for any form of open minded thinking. Conformity us the name of the game. Everything is run by femiNazi's and their favourite lackey's: the gay community.

Oh, and in this "post 9/11" world, if you've been away for many years, and return to the UK, you're probably a terrorist threat.

Welcome Kayo.

Thanks, Sir Burr.

[Jet Gorgon]

I second that. Welcome, Kayo.

I loved England. Lived near the Science & History Museum and the V&A. Loved all the galleries, the cafes, the little bistros, the feeling of the real nation in the old pubs, streets and buildings. Well, always had a perfumed hanky to cover my nose commuting on the tube -- got as bad as Paris. I walked alot and loved all the sights. And shopping at Sainsbury's. The Arab ladies in their burkhas and tin face masks who drenched themselves in a bottle of "Joy" were so amusing, and kept me from lingering and thinking about adding some junk food to my basket. And Fortnum & Masons! Ahhh.
A lovely country.

[slimboyfat]

^ i am not quite sure why you associate London with England

[Sir Burr]

It's a great place to visit, but, living there is a completely different matter.

[Mr Earl]

fuck the usa. i may never go back.

You got that right, I hate having to go back twice a year.

[Jet Gorgon]

Sigh. I gotta live here for now. But if I live by the sea with the orcas and sea lions, and the bears and deer come to visit, I'll be happy. But nothing can replace that Thai breeze off the sea -- it's like a loved one's velvet glove caressing your cheek.

Alright, I gotta mop the floors now.

[slimboyfat]

i have never had a loved one who owned a velvet glove. Is it nice?

Should i purchase such a glove?

[Sir Burr]

Actually, I do miss hot buttered, toasted crumpets.

[Jet Gorgon]

i have never had a loved one who owned a velvet glove. Is it nice?

Should i purchase such a glove?

I got a box full. Send me yer address. Purple OK?

[Sparky]

Ive not been back to the UK in four years . The only thing I miss is the horse racing on chanel 4 and having a phone bet whilst watching with a few pints in the fridge .