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Thread: Ant Rant

  1. #1
    たのむよ。
    The Gentleman Scamp's Avatar
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    Ant Rant

    So there I am in the kitchen, chopping up chives for my late night scrambled eggs and well done toast and it's late so the cockers are scuttlin about, I can hear the dirty c*nts rustlin the bin liner, and there's a mozzie and I swat it and I get it first time which isn't bad - I normally have to have my hand wet and full of soap suds to do that, but I get him and I'm about to scrape the chopped chives into the pan and I can feel this acidic pain on my foot between my toes and I look down and there's this tiny orange ant, and the bastard has his tiny front jaws in me and is really going for it like I am on his territory or something.

    'Why you cheeky little fuck' I think to myself, and I pick him up between finger and thumb and put him on the work surface and he's a bit crumpled and can't walk in a straight line but the hard little bastard is ok.

    Between my toes is not ok, it is burning and blossoming like a sulphuric mozzie bite, only worse, and I'm thinking, 'Why you little orange shitbag, that's not on' and so I go to the bathroom and I get the bleach and put a drop of it on him and say 'How do you like that eh, that feel good?' and he doesn't seem to like it but it is still ok, so I crush him under the back of a tablespoon.

    By this time the other ant I hadn't noticed has got as far as my right elbow and it's time to get in the shower and fuck off upstairs with the supper.

    Fucking ants, who's ave em.

    "I'm an outsider by choice, but not truly. It's the unpleasantness of the system that keeps me out. I'd rather be in, in a good system. That's where my discontent comes from: being forced to choose to stay outside.
    My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place."

    George Carlin

  2. #2
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    hate em too

  3. #3
    Tiger Bay
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    Me too...not wanting to be rascist here,but I hate them all,whatever fucking colour they are.
    A slow death is not possible, there's just too many of them.

    Blitzkreig! Banzai!

  4. #4
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    fooking all kinds if sizes where i live too had the big fook off black ones last month in the bathroom gave it a spray and not see them again

  5. #5
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    They have a right to exist too, and I'm sure they are fookin' useful in ways we do not know.

  6. #6
    Bounced
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    Many threads have been kind of anty, lately, but this one takes the cake and walks away with it, on many little feet.

  7. #7
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    its time to go outside on a sunny day with a magnifying glass and toast the buggers in revenge

  8. #8
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  9. #9
    たのむよ。
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    ^ It's boring... How about a picture of a monkey pissing in a guys mouth?

  10. #10
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    ^you missed the part about chemical trails!

  11. #11
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    I hate those small ants that smell when you squash them. The really small ones. They used to get in my mueslie and make it taste funny.

  12. #12
    たのむよ。
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    ^ Only 1 'e' in museli Q - some English teacher you are.

    I should have called this thread 'Ant Rant', feck - why do I always think of these cool titles when it's too late.

  13. #13
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    Not sure how toxic it is to us but that chalk stuff does a good job, just draw lines by a nest or along one of their major routes and they'll be dead in minutes by the hundred.

  14. #14
    punk douche bag
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    ^^
    you are right but...
    I think you spell it muesli.

  15. #15
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    you are right but I don't give a shite since I type so fast tha tsometimes i make mistakes. but it's oke since you are allowed to have a % of mistakes in any producmct

  16. #16
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    Oh. I thought this thread was about Ant Robertson or Robinson or, I'm sorry, I forgot your family name. So, did you squish him, Scamp? I heard he's been a naught boy in Issues.

    Never had ant probs, except when I left some Bing cherries out once. Don't leave any food out. Wipe up the crumbs. Get a myna bird or something. Natural attrition innit?

  17. #17
    たのむよ。
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    Here's the scrambled eggs anyway.


  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jet Gorgon
    Get a myna bird or something.
    Or a dog. Never a crumb on the kitchen floor.

    Border collies and labs are the best hoovers.

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily
    order collies and labs are the best hoovers.
    Not as good as orphan 3 year olds though and they can't wash the dishes afterwards, make the bed, polish shoes then lock themselves away in a cupboard until the next day.
    Last edited by mrsquirrel; 22-08-2007 at 10:54 AM.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Jet Gorgon
    Get a myna bird or something.
    Or a dog. Never a crumb on the kitchen floor.

    Border collies and labs are the best hoovers.
    yes my dog eats anything

  21. #21
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    ^^^^I'm I missing something? Why is a plate of scrambled eggs sitting on the floor?

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    and that's not a suitable knife

  23. #23
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    The big tree ants give painful bite, moot daeng (sp) I think

    Remember buying new sofa and it came with a colony of those little fuckers, one can of baygon and a shampoo for the sofa and all cleared up

  24. #24
    Rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb
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    Quote Originally Posted by slimboyfat View Post
    and that's not a suitable knife
    ...and it looks dirty.

  25. #25
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    And the scambled eggs look like vomit!

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